I think, therefore I write

Tag: Birthday

Inching towards a better me

As the clock slowly inches towards 12 AM, I am stepping towards being another year older and another year wiser. Every year when I think of having done with another year in the calendar, I wonder if I have really gotten wiser. Change doesn’t come that easy to me.

However, this year is a bit different. I realize that I have started accepting myself for who I am, albeit very slowly. For starters, I see that I am more comfortable in my skin. I have started enjoying myself and the choices I make with lesser doubts. I have accepted that I don’t have to like cooking to cook healthy and tasty food for my family and more importantly I have accepted that it is okay to not like cooking. And parenting. When I became a mother, I expected selflessness and sacrifice to come easily. It did not. And there are not many people who feel the same way or are willing to share out even if they feel so. Being non typical fed to my guilt and overthinking. However, I have come to accept that feeling so is just fine.

Being a working mom with a toddler has pushed me in improving myself as a person. I am running so much that I hardly have time for myself. My schedule is like clockwork and depends on a lot of people/things being perfect, say, my babysitter, my maid, my husband, my work, my colleagues, the delivery guys etc. Trying to run a life that demands this level of a perfection with so many factors is terribly exhausting and I just get by. So the sheer frustration of being the primary caretaker for everyone else but me drove me to take steps that I was refusing to.

I have now started dressing how I really want to rather than based on what I want others to think about me. I step out of my comfort zone and experiment and I gotta say, the results are good. My self confidence is increasing with every extra thing I manage and every previously unimaginable thing I accomplish. I am becoming increasingly confident in the fact that I do not need to be protected and that I can be a role model, if need be, to my kid. The number of guilt trips I take have reduced. The number of times I question myself or my decisions have reduced. I am capable of letting go of some things that would otherwise drive me crazy. I have learnt to agree to disagree. I have learnt that my choices may not be acceptable or likeable for others. Today, I truly believe that I can stand and deal the challenges that life gives me. Of course, I will cry, crib and worry, there is still a lot of work in progress, but I believe that I can pick myself up.

Sometimes, I wonder if I am pushing myself too much and there is a bigger cost to all this but right now I feel like it is worth the life I am living today. Being a full time working mother who manages both work and household without a typical support system is not something I ever thought I would be able to do. But here I am! Doing it, living it and having it all. I am not bragging here but I am merely astonished at the fact. It has not been a easy journey, with a type 1 diabetic spouse who needs additional help in managing his health and lifestyle that are otherwise a given for most people, a toddler who is as adamant as her parents put together, if not more, and almost zero support system.

10 years back, I wouldn’t have believed that I’d feel like this ever. But today I am proud of who I am and the life that Adit and I have built. So here’s to a better year that helps me progress and gives me the strength to handle life even better.

Until later πŸ™‚

October : A birthday month

Here goes the month of October 2014 in our anniversary year, the 9th on the list:)


Dear Adit,

October brought my birthday and strangely I wasn’t too much excited. I don’t know where all my kiddish excitement went and when all the maturity came in. However, you did take me by surprise by smuggling a cake and other gifts. I can understand how difficult it would have been for you to do that since it’s only the 2 of us at home and nothing misses my eye πŸ˜‰ Well, the reason is I am always cleaning something and hence am all over the place most times. The party wasn’t much because it was just the two of us, but there’s something incredibly beautiful and romantic about two people in love, cuddled together on the couch at midnight. munching on the cake sleepily. Not being party people, we’d take this any day over a noisy and tiring party. I loved the Fastrack watch that you gifted me, it was just so us- simple yet fashionable. Durable too! πŸ˜€

Diwali came real close to birthday and we had our first Diwali together at my parents’ place. Remember how the neighbor kids were so excited about the crackers and were trying to convince us to join them. Although we are not the kind who enjoy crackers and loud noises, it sure was something to see that 1000W smile on their faces when we gifted some colorful crackers to them.

Your sister’s wedding happened in the beginning of this month but we couldn’t help out more because we had had a tiring week and felt lost in the even huger crowd that turned up. I was already on notice period and it was a god send that her wedding was on a holiday since I couldn’t take off from work. October was a month of festivities with the wedding, my birthday, our Diwali all crowding us and most of all, your birthday was coming up in November and I had to think of gifts. Almost all my gifts are hand-made and hence it takes a long time to decide and finish it. You didn’t know but by October I had started making the gift πŸ˜‰

And did I tell you? I love you πŸ˜‰




Until later πŸ™‚

Dearest Daddy

To the man who lived, lives and will live spending more time for the family than for him.

To the man who has brought up 2 children in the best way he can.

To the man who never thinks of buying so much as a new suit for himself on his birthday.

To the man who fights with me just to make me understand that he wants the best for me.

To the man who fights with me when I am home and secretly misses me when I am not home.

To the man who watched me grow and start taking my own decisions, all the while torn between wanting to correct me and at the same time letting me learn life’s lessons as they were meant to be.

To the man who wants his daughter as bold and confident as he is.

To the man who was going through all the emotions when his children stepped out on their own, but still kept silent for their own good.

To the man who shouldered all the responsibilities for the big family, keeping it intact as his ancestors had done.

To the man who put behind his dream of owning a house until he is about to retire, for the sake of the family.

To the man who works 3 shifts circulating weekly, resulting in a messed up biological clock and yet never complained once.

To the man who gave me enough lifts and pushes when I needed them the most and is still doing the same.

To the man who has the dreams of his children in his eyes.

To the man who believes in me, even when I don’t.

To the man who keeps on making the world a better place for us to live, by each passing day.

Happy Birthday, Daddy. I know all that you did, do and will do will bring me nothing but the best. You are the best daddy in the world. I am so proud of you and hope that I could make you feel the same about me.