Ripples of my Reflections

I think, therefore I write

Author: Keirthana (page 1 of 60)

Trial for a roller coaster ride

That’s what February 2019 is about! The gear is on, the ride is ready and I have no other option than to get on. Because honestly the ground is slipping beneath my feet.

Cornucopia of social awkwardness

The social aspects and manners that a family typically tries to inculcate in a kid has always astonished me. Welcome a guest by explicitly welcoming them and making a huge fuss about their arrival. Wish each other a good morning. Wish each other on occasions. Make it known that you are delighted at their son making it to the elite university in the US. Make it your business to know what each and every one in your immediate, extended, and even 2 circles beyond extended family does. While I agree some of these are basic manners, I was amused by the artificial charade of it all. I was the kid who would mumble an inaudible welcome and run off to my toys. I was the kid who didn’t understand why one should wish her brother a good morning when clearly they were going to make their mornings miserable for each other by fighting over who gets the bigger share of the omelette. I still am the kid who does not understand why I should make it my business to know what everyone is up to and tell everyone what I am up to.

Don’t mistake me, I am not against socialising and spending family time. But I’d rather it came naturally. Like sitting down with an uncle and talking about how I ditched a class in college to sleep. Like just patting a brother on the back and reminding him that he is getting older than wishing him a very artificial yet happy birthday. Like discovering that cousin is moving to a different country, just by chance. I like that spontaneity. This might be the case in some families, but not mine. So having been deprived of the spontaneity in the relationships that I so crave, I have become the cornucopia of social awkwardness (to quote Sheldon Cooper) when it comes to interacting with relatives.

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Constant oscillation

A paradox of a title, I know!

Parenting – Constant oscillation between hopeful and hopeless, peace and drastic panic setting in, relaxing and exhausted till your life oozes out of your bones. Up and down and up and down and up and down. Never ending ups and downs. All within a matter of seconds.

Well, amidst all that, it’s a big thing that I even remember that this place exists!

Calling it a day with lots of phew!’s and sighs.

’96

Disclaimer: This is not a movie review. This is about the impact a movie had on me.

The reviews had promised me a good movie with ’96. So I pretty much started watching it with that expectation. What I was completely unprepared for was the soulfulness and depth in the movie. The movie is so simple and realistic that it could have happened to me. Trisha and Vijay Sethupathi have done a fantastic job. Vijay Sethupathi more so. The question of what could have been coupled with the heavy musical notes evoke emotions unforeseen. The pain, the nostalgia, the simplicity – all of them make the movie incredibly credible. Good movies always impact me more than necessary, but no movie made me believe that it could have happened/could happen to me like this one did.

Govind Vasantha has let the music speak for itself. The tones keep ringing in my ears even after the movie is over. I watched this movie on a Friday and I found myself going back to it multiple times over the weekend. In search of what? I don’t know. Do I want the love to be requited in some way? Do I want to see them have some form of closure? Do I want to revel in that longing? I don’t know. This movie might have impacted me because I had a childhood sweetheart. But I married him. So I know only about what it’s meant to be. But this movie showed me that there can be it’s-not-meant-to-bes in life and that it could have easily happened to me if not for destiny.

The if-only’s were too painful for me. So many chances, yet all of them slipped through the fingers. For what end? I am not sure whether Ram and Jaanu got closure as they tearfully move on from their evening. But I sure didn’t. That’s the reason I find myself going back to the movie, searching for something that does not exist in that story – Closure.

Why am I not bored?

Having been in an incredibly long relationship and married to my childhood sweetheart, the first question many ask me is – “Are you not bored?”.  When I say no, people ask, “How can you not be?”.

I cannot understand how anyone can be bored with another person just because they have been together for a long time. For me, boredom comes with personality mismatch, not with the length of a relationship. Do you get bored with your parents just because you have known them all your life? Or do you get bored with your siblings? No. You get frustrated, annoyed. angry when conflicts arise but you don’t get bored.

Also, people change incredibly fast. I am not the same person I was last year. So no matter how many number of years you put in a relationship, you have something to work on. In fact, a long relationship means that real hard work has gone in settling the chaos so that it stays afloat. What others see might be a fairy tale but there will be skeletons laid to rest (not buried, for I believe trust is the core of a relationship) before the fairy tale was built.

So pardon me if you can’t see it, but I don’t see myself getting bored with my husband just because I have known him almost all my life. And after so much time together, if I find some personality trait of his boring, I trust myself to be able to tell it to his face and I trust him enough to do something about it. 🙂

 

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