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You failed to understand my love for you, leading me to curse myself to have never given up on you.
Little did others know, that many a times I almost did, only that I lacked the courage to accept it.
It was all until you proved me wrong – that you weren’t the one who didn’t understand, it was me.
In my umpteen visits, the suicide point had never looked more fresh and beautiful than the night you proposed to me.
I don’t know why you chose the place, but I am glad you did because now, for me, that place signifies hope. And love.
Until later 🙂
Linking this write-up to the Five Sentence Fiction at Lillie Mcferrin’s
“Ammmmmmmma!” Little Rithika’s excited voice reached Madhuri’s ears. She jumped up with joy and ran to greet her daughter who was back from school. Rithika jumped into her mother’s lap and started narrating her day’s experience in great detail. This was their daily ritual and both the mother and the daughter delighted immensely in it. As Madhuri watched Rithu’s vivid narrations, she couldn’t help thinking about how life is going to take shape for them, from the next day. How would Rithika react when she realizes what’s going on?
The sun was setting in its orange glory and the last light of the day left Madhuri wishing that tomorrow should never come. She hugged her daughter tightly.
Vikas was going to be at her doorstep the next morning, to take their daughter away from her. Apparently, a girl doesn’t need her mother – a court had decided that. And all it took Vikas to sway the court’s decision in his favor were a few bundles of money – which he had in plenty and she didn’t.
Until later 🙂
Image source: sciencenordic.com
The memory of you that hit me today was not that strong either, it was just a hazy vision in the flurry of clouds in my mind. I smiled at how it no longer affected me when that was all that mattered some time back. Was it just some time? It feels like that was on a different time plane. It was like this dream – intense, deep and sometimes bruising. The dream was a recurring one, with you as the focal point. It went from an occasional dream to a recurring one to a nightmare. But every time, I forgot the dream when I woke up. It stayed only as long as I slept – the moment I woke up, any recollection of it would be impossible and I would just be left with a mysterious curiosity of what that was all about. And then slowly, I figured it out even though I couldn’t remember once awake. That the dreams were about you. I didn’t have to remember the dream to know it, I just knew. And today as I still see that past of mine through a vision that keeps getting hazier by the day, I am thankful that you were a dream that was worth forgetting.
Until later 🙂
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She wanted to spread her wings and fly,
They held her back from rising high,
She fought back, asking them to let her try,
But suppress was all they did.
Questions – How, when, what and why?
All of them – unspoken and without answers,
But never once did she give up and cry,
For when it came to life, she was a dancer
Her wings were bound hard to be cut
She knew they were her best bet
If at all she wanted to strike back
This was her last chance to hack
So that’s what she did, rose with all her might
Against her fury, little chance they had to stand
Everyone vanished as if banished by her wand
And she emerged as her own savior knight!
Until later 🙂
I sat still with only the silence for company. The door is ajar, just as you left it. The silence is deafening like never before. There have been more silences in my life, all courtesy me, but never anything like this. There were a million thoughts that raced through my mind but none were voiced. The last image in my eyes was that of you leaving. The image kept playing over and over in my mind like an endless movie, like a forlorn song that had gone on repeat mode. I didn’t even try to shut it out. I couldn’t bother too. Oh, what is that I really wanted to say to you? When you were walking away, there were so many things I had to say to you, but I stood there just watching you leave. All my thoughts and words lost their meaning as you shut the metaphoric door between us. How come there’s a door to shut between us?
Did I want to say that I still love you?
Or did I want to say I should have never loved you?
Did I want to tell you to stay?
Or did I want to tell you to get lost for good?
Did I want to say that all love is not lost between us?
Or did I want to say that there was never any love to begin with?
Did I want to say that I had gotten used to the silences?
Or did I want to say that I couldn’t take them any more?
Did I want to say Thank you for all that you gave me?
Or did I want to say Thank you for ruining my life?
Did I want to say that I now understood love?
Or did I want to say that I still think love is bullshit?
What is it that I really wanted to say? I wished you had the ability to read my mind as a silent tear made its way down my cheeks. I was and still am a messed up soul and you knew it. You took me with the hope that you will be able to make the mess right with your love. I was skeptical but I had unknowingly started growing on you. The silence around me in your absence stands solid proof of that. So you had indeed worked the magic on me. The magic of love! But then why did you leave? Or why did I make you leave? Couldn’t you take any more of my cynicism, my sarcasm and my detachment? I guess that’d be it. Who could stand years of neglect clinging on to just hope that I’d believe some day? I don’t blame you.
I noticed that the day had passed only when the darkness crept in. I realized that there was never another hope of a dawn for me. Especially with you gone… A sob escaped my lips and I was surprised when it resonated back to me. My head jerked up as if in reflex and my eyes turned to the doorway with the door still ajar. It was the same as in the morning except for one difference. The difference being you standing there leaning on the door with tears in your eyes. I thought you leaving had me hallucinating. But as you came close to me and cupped my face in your hands, I started believing. And your words that followed stunned me, “Why could you not just let the inhibitions go? Why could you not express the love that you have got in you? Why couldn’t you stop holding back for once? Why could you not stop me leaving? Let it go for me, please…” As you spoke and as the realization that you never had the intention of leaving dawned on me, I let go. Then and there. All my inhibitions. All the words that were racing through my mind. All the tears I had withheld in me. And then I knew exactly what I really wanted to say. And I did – “I love you”.
Until later 🙂
This post is for the Wordy Wednesday prompt “What is it that I really want to say?” @ Blog-A-Rhythm: