The social aspects and manners that a family typically tries to inculcate in a kid has always astonished me. Welcome a guest by explicitly welcoming them and making a huge fuss about their arrival. Wish each other a good morning. Wish each other on occasions. Make it known that you are delighted at their son making it to the elite university in the US. Make it your business to know what each and every one in your immediate, extended, and even 2 circles beyond extended family does. While I agree some of these are basic manners, I was amused by the artificial charade of it all. I was the kid who would mumble an inaudible welcome and run off to my toys. I was the kid who didn’t understand why one should wish her brother a good morning when clearly they were going to make their mornings miserable for each other by fighting over who gets the bigger share of the omelette. I still am the kid who does not understand why I should make it my business to know what everyone is up to and tell everyone what I am up to.
Don’t mistake me, I am not against socialising and spending family time. But I’d rather it came naturally. Like sitting down with an uncle and talking about how I ditched a class in college to sleep. Like just patting a brother on the back and reminding him that he is getting older than wishing him a very artificial yet happy birthday. Like discovering that cousin is moving to a different country, just by chance. I like that spontaneity. This might be the case in some families, but not mine. So having been deprived of the spontaneity in the relationships that I so crave, I have become the cornucopia of social awkwardness (to quote Sheldon Cooper) when it comes to interacting with relatives.
A paradox of a title, I know!
Parenting – Constant oscillation between hopeful and hopeless, peace and drastic panic setting in, relaxing and exhausted till your life oozes out of your bones. Up and down and up and down and up and down. Never ending ups and downs. All within a matter of seconds.
Well, amidst all that, it’s a big thing that I even remember that this place exists!
Calling it a day with lots of phew!’s and sighs.
Disclaimer: This is not a movie review. This is about the impact a movie had on me.
The reviews had promised me a good movie with ’96. So I pretty much started watching it with that expectation. What I was completely unprepared for was the soulfulness and depth in the movie. The movie is so simple and realistic that it could have happened to me. Trisha and Vijay Sethupathi have done a fantastic job. Vijay Sethupathi more so. The question of what could have been coupled with the heavy musical notes evoke emotions unforeseen. The pain, the nostalgia, the simplicity – all of them make the movie incredibly credible. Good movies always impact me more than necessary, but no movie made me believe that it could have happened/could happen to me like this one did.
Govind Vasantha has let the music speak for itself. The tones keep ringing in my ears even after the movie is over. I watched this movie on a Friday and I found myself going back to it multiple times over the weekend. In search of what? I don’t know. Do I want the love to be requited in some way? Do I want to see them have some form of closure? Do I want to revel in that longing? I don’t know. This movie might have impacted me because I had a childhood sweetheart. But I married him. So I know only about what it’s meant to be. But this movie showed me that there can be it’s-not-meant-to-bes in life and that it could have easily happened to me if not for destiny.
The if-only’s were too painful for me. So many chances, yet all of them slipped through the fingers. For what end? I am not sure whether Ram and Jaanu got closure as they tearfully move on from their evening. But I sure didn’t. That’s the reason I find myself going back to the movie, searching for something that does not exist in that story – Closure.
I have often heard people say that if you want something so badly, the entire universe will conspire to enable you to achieve your dream. Well, when you apply that to my life, all I can say is so far, so good. But here is a juncture that poses a question again. One that reeks of uncertainty. And if you knew one thing about me, it would be that I like planning and control. So this situation which doesn’t have a trace of a plan has swept the rug off my feet. I try everyday to let it go, but in vain.
Image Source: ask.fm
I blame that inability to let things happen on my passion. Being passionate about something in your life gives a sense of fulfillment that nothing else does. My work is something I deeply care about and have no willingness to sacrifice. My work has given me a sense of confidence, a true indication of what I am good at, what I am capable of, and what I should improve at. But how long I will have the support system to have a work-life balance is something I am unaware of. And of all things, the universe should know how badly I want this to work out. *Fingers crossed*
Until later 🙂
Pouring your heart and soul into something does pay off. It might not reflect in the same way that you want but it will reward you in ways you don’t realize yet. Hold your head high and enjoy what you have while it lasts. Things that you love need not stay around for long but while they are there, they are so for a reason. And they leave you for a reason.
Until later 🙂
P.S: For one of the very few times in my life, I am truly, completely proud of myself without a hint of sarcasm or doubt. And it makes me keenly aware of the fact that what I have might not last long. Accepting that is an arduous journey, one that I must tread through no matter what.