Ripples of my Reflections

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Category: LIFE HAPPENS (Page 8 of 25)

Start a new life, many times over

March 10, 2015 / / 9 Comments

I have heard enough cliches when it comes to change. Often in life, we all take a bold step and accept some change in our lives, albeit grudgingly. We have trouble accepting any change because we get neck deep in our comfort zones and don’t want to move. But when we stop and look back, all those changes we embraced were for a good reason. But more often than not, we do not acknowledge this enlightenment that retrospect showers us with. When I saw this topic #StartANewLife campaigned by housing.com, there were many things I wanted to write about. Love, Attitude, Career, Religious belief and otherwise etc. I am choosing a select couple out of many such things in my life to tell the world how I accepted change and how it changed my life.

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My first job took me to an alien city – Hyderabad. When I heard where I was posted after training, my heart sank into my stomach. For one, I had my parents to assure that it is safe and that I can manage. Next, my heart was in Bangalore where Adit had got posted. Then I had my own insecurities to deal with. I set about preparing to go to Hyderabad with fears in my heart and tears in my eyes. It took all my courage to not quit my job then and there and return home. It was my first job and I didn’t want to be a quitter at the first step. With a heavy heart, I accepted what life had given me and set foot in the city.

What happened in the next 20 months was a lesson to me. I learnt a lot from that life. The city gave me so many things – A new language, lot of new friends, an entirely different culture and environment, the ability to withstand pathetic food at PG, the ability to adapt, the patience to figure out things and a lot more. I left the city when finally my transfer came through. When I think back now, I have nothing but good memories about the place. The reason I still needed a transfer out of that place was the sheer distance from home and more importantly, Adit’s office didn’t have his division in Hyderabad. So the onus of moving was on me to be together. Otherwise, I had no qualms about the place. This phase changed my outlook towards life. Ever since, when I feel that I am in a pickle, I remind myself that in retrospect I will be feeling a lot better about it and that I have to just give it time.
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I have always wanted to live in a house owned by me. Rented houses were never for me, not to mention nosy owners,ever increasing rentals and compromises that come along with the fact that one cannot have everything. However, buying a house was always a daunting step for me given the cost of real estate these days. So I kept on dreaming about owning one but never had the courage to step into it. Finally, around the time I got married my dad encouraged me (in fact, he pressed me hard) to take the step. I wasn’t sure even then but then jumped into it with a rush of adrenaline telling me that it’s now or never. And I am glad I did.

The place will be ready in a few months and I cannot be happier that I stood up to it. I wouldn’t say it is all rosy because a lot of responsibilities came along with the house. The financial arrangements, budgeting were and are still a nightmare. But I don’t regret it one bit. Even if I had decided later on to buy a house, I would have to go through the same thing. Maybe even worse since real estate values only shoot up with every passing day. With this big step, my outlook towards being responsible and finances has changed. I have become a lot more responsible about my expenses. Yes, I am not yet as perfect as my parents who never wasted a single penny. But I am working towards it. I am reaching there, one step at a time.
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pinterest_changeImage Source: Pinterest

There are many more such incidents that changed my life. All of you would have had such experiences too. Every incident conveys the same point – Embrace the change and start a new life. Over and over many times. Each time, it will not only be a little better but it will also start making sense to you. You can see the big picture forming out of the small pieces, like a jigsaw puzzle. Whenever you feel down, remember – One piece at a time and the puzzle will be solved in no time.

Until later 🙂

This post is for the #StartANewLife campaign by housing.com. Watch the video to know more.

Action Replay- February

March 9, 2015 / / 6 Comments

February was a month that started off in full glory as it brought my first anniversary with it. One year as a wife. It was an elating feeling to acknowledge that it’s been one year of being married to the love of my life. Just a couple years ago, I would have given anything to be where I am today. So, this month made me look back and be grateful about what I had in hand. Life gives you lemons now and then but in the end it always teaches you something and makes you better. At least that’s how it has been for me. There is not one thing that I want to change when I look back. Even the bad things. Everything happened in a way so that the pieces fell in order, in their respective places. I am very thankful for what I have and will strive to achieve those that I don’t have yet.

One more thing that this month taught me was to adapt. Although it’s been 3 months since I joined my new work, I was on a learning curve so far. Only in February did I start doing the work actually and it was a lot to take in. I had underestimated some and overestimated some other aspects of my work. I had to readjust my perspectives, start getting used to it. And I must say I did it beautifully. Yes, I did freak out and vent it all to my hubby, my ever patient listener, but I am faring well so far.

What took an enormous chunk of my effort and time was the family wedding that came towards the end of the month. It was hubby’s first cousin with whom we are pretty close and I had to work 2 days straight for it. Since I am not from the same community, I hadn’t known how elaborate these weddings could get. I had attended a couple of weddings from his side but never got to work for the fest. This time, I got the full blast of it and I enjoyed it thoroughly. By the end of it, the house looked like it had lived through a cyclone. All of us were dead tired when it was over but then again when our aunt and uncle were all praises for me, the narcissist in me basked in the limelight happily. Also, I learnt to drape a silk saree properly with minimal help from mom and also to be more comfortable in it. 🙂

Two weeks after the wedding, mom stayed with us to pamper me with her care and I was in heaven. I ate, slept, watched reruns of The Big Bang Theory and chatted with her. Nothing can come close to the bliss of being taken care of by mom. I enjoyed every bit of it till Saturday when she had to head back home. With hubby also out of town for a couple of days, I felt a little lonely but then picked myself up and started using the space and time for myself. So with a bit of cleaning therapy, retail therapy, some ‘me’ time, I am fully recharged 🙂

Belated Women’s day wishes everyone!

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Until later 🙂

P.S: I know it’s a little late as March is already 9 days old but I had a pretty busy February eating into the initial days of March. I have so many thoughts jotted down for the upcoming posts 🙂

Posing for a Candid Click? Think Twice!

February 5, 2015 / / 6 Comments

We all are narcissists, at least in secret. Whoever thinks otherwise is living in denial. Well, don’t tell me you don’t do a mental jig every time you have a good hair day or when suddenly the mirror seems to tell you that you are fashionable. It is not the narcissism that’s bothersome, we have all been there, done that. But the heights to which we seem to be reaching, that’s something! Since I am in the range of “that right age” that the bane of a society tags you with, I have seen a lot of weddings (including mine) and wedding invitations doing their rounds in 2014-2015. And hence the mad rush to schedule photo shoots, book the dates of photographers etc.. And afterwards the psychic state of mind to get them developed and edited (You wouldn’t want a hair out of place, would you?) and then… what else, let me think, Oh! uploading them on FB. I am no exception here because I too wanted to be a part of it and would have done all of these if my marriage had been the conventional one. People who know my story know that my marriage was an oxymoron – Every bit conventional but then again every bit unconventional 😛 So I would be a hypocrite if I said that I am holier than thou. I wouldn’t have done the FB bit because I am not on FB but then I would have done every other part of it.Thankfully(This is where I thank my stars and everything else), I did not get the chance to do it. I got the lesson without having to attend the class.

Well, I have observed a lot to safely say that nowadays all kinds of photography, especially for a wedding, are termed candid. Yes, there is no more clicks that are like those pics that you saw in your parents’ wedding album. But do we know the meaning of candid? Check Wiki’s definition  of Candid Photography here:

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Image Source : Screen Grab from Google search of ‘Candid’

You cannot do the “without subject’s knowledge” in a wedding picture obviously and that’s fine. But then you cannot call it candid either. And do you think the bride and groom would not notice/remember that the camera’s clicking away throughout the ceremony? One part of their mind will be busy arranging their facial features so that they get decent clicks all the way, while the other part is busy looking up in the directory, how the aunty in the red saree is related? They would have to answer when the (in)famous question is uttered no?

“Congrats beta, I saw you when you were this little, Do you remember me?”

“Of Course I don’t, you just said it. I was this little when you saw me.”

So my point is, when the photographer is asking you to pose every bit since that is indeed the finest day of your life, how can you call it candid? You can go to parks, empty roads and villages and pose like you are all one with the nature for your shoots. But the truth is you are posing (consciously or sub-consciously) for a click. And posing for a click makes it the opposite of candid. I have seen all rosy smiles in post-wedding shoots and the albums put up in FB for some friends to like and for others to go green in jealousy but in reality, the couple were having a tough time adjusting to each other. Especially in arranged marriages, a lot of disagreements crop up once the honey moon period is over. Because, that’s when you wake up and face the reality. You run a household, catch up with work, take care of in-laws and do grown-up stuff with this new person. That’s when you realize, all this while you have been on cloud nine and you are slowly landing on earth. It happens in love marriages too because the role of a girlfriend/boyfriend is much easier than that of a wife/husband. Taking up responsibility is new and it would bring you face to face with reality, whether you like it or not.

chandlerbingImage Source: questionablechoicesinparenting.com

Okay, now let me get to another point. Everyone cannot be photogenic and we know that. We all have our pitfalls. So when a person who is not so good with the camera and goes like Chandler in front of one, what would you do? Take my hubby for example. Although he is not as bad as Chandler, he cannot fake a smile/pose for the life of him. But when he does smile, he’s awesome. So if we choose candid clicks for him, then I would end up with a smiling me and a very uncomfortable him by my side [Which is what kinda happened to us]. Since I couldn’t entirely get out of this candid click mania and also since our photographer insisted that we pose ‘candidly’ because nowadays everyone does only candeeeed potograpy, we did what we had to do. But the bottom line is we never bothered about it. We ended up having a big laugh over the pics and then gave the albums to our parents to continue the routine of showing to every relative visiting us.

We couldn’t care! Heck, I know the guy for more than 2 decades and have been in a relationship for more than a decade! Do you think your camera can capture his expressions more candidly than my eyes? I can still remember how he looked every moment on our wedding day without even seeing the album. So spending thousands on wedding photography is more because the photographer handles the camera much better than you and he knows how to edit the pics to make you look like you want to look. It is NOT because the photo is candid. So please oh please, accept THAT. Relive the moments and not the poses. Bring out all the smiles not just for putting up on social media but for yourselves. And if you want a nice click to freeze that moment for you, go ahead and do it. I am not against preserving memories, I have preserved a truck load of them in form of pictures, video and audio recordings. Just don’t label them candid when they are not. Smile for yourself, not for the world!

Until later 🙂

P.S: This post is not to trash wedding photography, I understand it is also someone’s livelihood and even I have a few friends who make a living out it. This post is just to drive home the point that what is termed as Candid photography is not the case everywhere. And that spending thousands on it just to satisfy peer pressure is not worth it. If you don’t like it… Well, I can’t do anything about it. I probably won’t, even if I can.

A look at the mirror

January 7, 2015 / / 13 Comments

It’s been a week into the new year and I am still wondering what my first post of the year should be. Well, I thought hard and loud and decided to throw caution to the winds. Today I am penning down a confession of sorts. Yes! And the confession is about just me and doesn’t involve anyone else. So without the worry of disclaimers and warnings, here it goes.

I am a huge control freak. Time and again, I have always known this at the back of my mind but never got around to stare it straight in the face and say it out. The reason being the inability for acceptance of the fact. While being a control freak can mean good things like being the one who is always responsible, who always thinks twice before doing anything, who is always there for others to do impulse decisions and enjoy their life. At the same time, it also eats at your peace a lot. You are always worried/taking care of/managing something or the other. I can safely say that I have not taken any significant impulsive decisions so far in my life. About the non-significant ones, hell yeah, I have a ton of them in line. My impulsive, impromptu decisions involve buying something that I feel is not worth the price just because I like it or doing something immediately just because I want the work done. Even there, my need for having control over everything and wanting the task at hand done plays the more important role.

Thinking back, this personality of mine has been sowed a long time ago. I could remember a variety of memories from my college time to prove this. When people wanted to just get wet in the rain, they just would. On the other hand, I would worry about my books getting wet and would hand over all my things that I don’t want to get wet to someone who has an umbrella and then start enjoying the rain. I would justify myself saying that I am not making the money so I wouldn’t waste it. Be it exams, assignments or anything for that matter, I always had a plan. Even if it was to fare poorly in a test, I would know beforehand that my preparation is not enough. I have never been able to just forget about the exam that’s due tomorrow and play minesweeper while a lot of my friends did.

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Even now, I keep forming plans well before while hubby waits till the last minute to decide. That’s one thing I would add to the list of how different we are. I go crazy when he wouldn’t form and let me know the plans before. I keep nagging him and when it seems like he wouldn’t give up, I would form a backup plan of my own. Heck, even when I have a busy week and the house is messy, I have an organized messy blueprint. Certain things go in certain places even though they are messy and none is to disturb that. I hate unannounced or unexpected events although my rational mind knows that nothing in life is under *my* control actually. I make lists and complete them or at least find something close to completion so that I am at peace. There’s always a Plan A and a Plan B. For every single thing. Sometimes I wonder whether the non-acceptance of uncertainty is pushing me to even cling on to the illusion of me having things in my control.

There are times when I wish that I would get up one day and do something just in the spur of the moment. After all the high being in control gives me, I guess I still realize that I am missing on the “letting go” part of life.  Of course, things don’t go my way just because I plan and plan and plan. That’s how life runs. But I still don’t know why I am hell bent on trying to control things. So how to let it go? How to let life take its course and at the same time acknowledge that’s how it works? How do I get my mind to accept it? These are some questions I ponder on often. At the same time, I also wonder what in hell made me this guarded about life? What inspired me or triggered me to be the keep-in-check person that I am? I know a lot of people would crave to be me – having a plan about things, knowing where they are headed. Also, you might wonder why I am into self-criticism mode, first thing this new year. On the contrary, I am into a self-analysis mode. I want to pick the good that comes out of being organized and the good that comes out of being happy-go-lucky and put them together and make the recipe of my life. I want to get this glitch under control [Oh no, not the C word again]. I want a mix of both so that I can taste both the flavors of life. Any ideas, fellas?

Until later 🙂

P.S: If any of you give me a successful idea, my hubby would build a shrine for you because he is the one who has to put up with my must-control-everything-must-plan-everything syndrome. Poor thing! He cannot move around the house without me chiding him for leaving things where they are not supposed to go. It’s a wonder how he puts up with me when I myself wouldn’t. God bless him!

The art that is communication

November 26, 2014 / / 15 Comments

Remember those days when communication between two persons in different places meant writing letters, waiting for the letters or maybe for the privilege of an occasional telephone call? Yeah, I know that I sound cliched. But today I want to talk about this exact cliche.

I have lived in times when there was no mobile, no phones that are smarter than humans, no internet. I have lived in times when mobiles, smart phones, internet, computers were not so easily available to the common man and I am glad that I was part of a common man’s family then. I have experienced the thrill of writing letters and waiting for a reply. I have had my first rush when I got the first phone call from a friend. It made me feel important in the family to be able to give our land line number to a friend and to have her call it. We didn’t have anything to talk though. But I can still remember how we both giggled into the receiver of having done something grown-up.

And writing letters, ah! The feeling is indescribable, especially if the letter is to a budding crush/romance/love. My hubby and me were childhood sweethearts and were best friends right from the KG classes. So in the early teens, we had a gang of our own and all the usual drama in the class. So we had a code for writing letters among the members of the gang. Though there were other members in our gang, we two really hit it off with the letter writing, sometimes in code and sometimes normally. Starting from the silly “Have you done your homework?” to the then important “How is our enemy gang planning to prepare for the test?”, we have seen it all. The funnier thing here is it was almost always the action of writing and exchanging the letters that piqued our interest than the content itself. After all, what could a couple of school kids write about? 😛

Example of handwriting with gold pen
Anyway, I still have that feeling in me when I sit down and write something. If not physically, the closest feeling is typing up my thoughts. I know such is the case for many bloggers around here. My point in writing about this today is how the ease of communication has actually removed/replaced several prized feelings that still send a thrill coursing through our entire body. Today, we can reach anyone, anywhere at any time. The prerequisites are a smart phone and internet. Maybe even just a mobile phone. While all this has certainly eased our pain points of reaching someone, I feel sad. I feel sad that I cannot show my kid how “that feeling” would be. How the feeling of exchanging letters with your crush would be, how the feeling of waiting beside the telephone for a call that a friend promised you would be, how it feels to exchange coded notes with co-conspiring friends right under the nose of those who are busy trying to figure out what you are talking about, especially when all you would have been talking about is that your mom has packed aloo subji for lunch and that you would be willing to trade some for the delicious omelet that your friend’s mom packed.

Keeping in touch has now become so easy that the pain of farewell is diminished. When it is good that we can keep in touch with our old school friends to this day, we are missing that high which comes when you stumble into an old friend at the supermarket whom you have tried to keep in touch so hard but over time, lost it. Can any of the WhatsApp kind messengers or Facebook kind social media beat that feeling? I don’t think so. Today, the internet has changed the world into one big open book where anyone can peek into my page and read my personal feelings with no consideration whatsoever. Social networking was supposed to re-create the long lost bonds between friends and make them connect. But it went a step ahead and told us stuff about each other that we actually wouldn’t want to know or shouldn’t be knowing anyway.

As all this is taking us ahead, all we can do and are doing is sit back and reminisce about the times when we had more prized possessions in the form of memories and how all those would not be passed on to our next generation. The precious feelings are cursed to stay frozen in time while the human race races faster than ever.

Until later 🙂

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