Ripples of my Reflections

I think, therefore I write

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Will you marry me?

 

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Image source: desktopbestwallpaper.com

Proposing to my guy has always been like a dream come true for me. Yes, I belong to one of those rare breeds who don’t think that proposing is a man’s job. Call me names, I wouldn’t care. Proposing to your love to be together for the rest of your life is an expression of love and that can happen irrespective of who does it. 🙂 So here goes how I would do it if I had to propose to my guy on Valentine’s day.

I know that he likes it simple while I am a die-hard romantic. He keeps coming up with simple yet sweeping me off my feet surprises for me while he enjoys my cheesy shows and takes them all in with an amused smile that I love so much. We do it our way every time we do something for the other and end up having the perfect combination of romance and reality. That’s the recipe of our love. So my way would be buttered up with romance with each step, with each action a step closer to a fairy tale.

I would start off the day by dressing up in the first dress and the jewel set he gifted me with and he would surprise me with the shirt I bought him. Then the day would be taken over by a treasure hunt involving the place where we first met, the place where we felt our love for the first time, the place where we confessed our love for each other and a few of our favorite haunts. I would write a poem about each place as the clue. I would accompany him as each clue unravels. Luckily for us, all these places fall close by each other to easily reach yet we take the whole day since we spend a lot of time reminiscing at each of the places. We would sink into nostalgic memories and relive each of those moments together. For lunch, I would open up the picnic basket I had packed with the most favorite of his dishes, each one cooked to perfection with all my love and the place I would plan the lunch would be under the cherry blossom tree where we first felt our love for each other. A crispy crunchy veg salad for starters, a lasagna layered with an extra tinge of his favorite tomato sauce and a bit of white sauce to add a special flavor, golden fried baby potatoes as a side and top it off with his favorite Cassatta ice-cream for dessert.He would be surprised that I cooked all these since I am not a great fan of cooking yet. I would see the appreciation and love for me sparkling in his eyes.

At each stop, he would buy me solitary flowers and would be blissful at the joy I express.As I collect all the flowers he gets close to my heart, he makes a bouquet of them – the single red rose, the bright orange daisy, the sunny daffodil, a couple of tulips and lilies inserted appear as a colorful rainbow that has descended on us. As we draw to the end of the treasure hunt, the last stop would be my place. The place would have a rose petal stepping decor leading from the hallway to the bedroom. Once in the bedroom, I would blindfold him with a red satin ribbon. As he is busy trying to figure out what I am up to, I would put on the mixed tape of the romantic songs we have collected and enjoyed together. I would then quickly slip into the other bedroom with my closet to slip into the powder blue satin gown I have been saving for this day. As I would have all of this planned, this quick slip would take only a couple of minutes which should be enough to lead him on but not let him guess what I am doing.

Then the final moment – I would undo his blindfold and the first thing he sees is me on my knee with the platinum love bands extended and the silent question written all over my face – “Will you marry me?”. He would be stunned for a minute because he had written a poem about me on my previous birthday revolving around the exact image but as in a dream that he had had. This would be literally his dream come true for him. As tears flow freely, we exchange rings and say “Yes!” at the same time. His ‘Yes’ in answer to my unasked obvious question and my ‘Yes’ in the exuberance of having the love of my life with me forever.

This post is an entry for Indi Happy Hours –  Cupid Games 2015 activity in association with Indiblogger and Closeup.

Until later 🙂

A wedding saved!

It was a Saturday 15 days before my wedding and I was planning to fight the crowd on commercial street to pick up some things I still hadn’t. I was set to head home for the marriage ceremonies in the coming week. I woke up grudgingly thinking of all the things that were unchecked on my to-do list. I still had to go to the parlor for the reception trial make-up and I was already worrying too much about what all the make-up would do to my sensitive skin. I brushed my teeth, splashed water over my face and there it was, a sudden sting. Ow! The water was ice cold during winters in Bangalore but it had never stung before. Had my skin become extra sensitive with the trial make-up for wedding that I tried out yesterday? I turned to the mirror and my loud shriek jostled my best friend & roommate to a wake. She had a mouthful to say to me for disturbing her in the “midnight” (Well, 7 AM was midnight to her since her morning starts at 11 AM). I had to shake her awake and show her the pimple on my forehead to shut her up. But that didn’t shut her up, instead she was suddenly wide awake and started yelling at me for a variety of reasons – For gorging on that cutlet and onion pakodi during our friend’s wedding (According to her eating too much oily food brings you pimples, especially when you can’t guarantee the purity of the oil), for not listening to her about washing my face 5 times a day, about not taking her with me for the trial make-up so that she could eat the stylist alive about what brands of make-up she uses and how she does the make-up.

There were all these ceremonies starting days before the wedding and I had exactly 10 days to make this pimple go away without a blemish if I wanted the clicks of my wedding to be as I wanted them to be. I called up the love of my life, who was sleeping joyfully with his comforter pulled over his head and informed him of the tragedy (While my friend was still yelling at me in the background) All I got in response was a grunt and something about how wolverine should not have done something in X-men. Only when I yelled into the mobile that our marriage was in danger, that he yelled back a shocked ‘What?’. I replayed the reason for which I was waking him up at that ungodly hour. Although I knew that he had no idea why this was upsetting me so much (Guys!!!), after years of experience, he knew how to tread such fine lines. “Won’t 10 days be enough for it to go away?” was his first question. I thought about it and replied, “10 days might be enough if I treat it but it has to go without a mark”. He was suddenly as nervous as I was. The last time I faced a pimple problem was before my brother’s wedding and only he knew what a bitch I was when the mark didn’t vanish in time for the photo shoot. This time around it was our marriage and he knew he was doomed to hell if this was not solved. He thought out loud and cut the call with a promise that he would check with his grandmother, sister, mom, friends and any woman alive on the planet who would give him a way to save his wedding and honeymoon plans.

The entire day, my friend was on internet surfing the various home-remedies, face-washes and beauty tips while I nervously paced the room. All the plans were cancelled, I was ordered to stay inside the room, away from all the pollution. When I meekly started about the shopping that I still had to do and the trial make-up,my friend gave me her famous steel glare and asked me “Do you want to get married or not?” After that I did nothing except pester my mom and grandma over the phone, asking for home-remedies. They told me a lot of things and herb names which I could not even dream of getting in Bangalore. When I kept ignoring all of their suggestions, they turned against me for making such a big fuss about a small pimple. I cut the call before my grandma could go on one of those “In my days..” rant. I resorted to the popular ways that the internet suggested – applying lemon juice on it(nothing happened except the pimple burned like it was on fire), washing the face often with a variety of face-washes(My hostel had water shortage and had to order tankers for water, I had washed my face that many times), applying sandalwood powder(this gave a cooling sensation but the pimple was still in all its glory). I was too scared to try anything out of ordinary lest it further worsens. So in a nutshell, the following days were a mayhem, my friend was trying to calm me down and find some remedy at the same time, my soon-to-be husband terrified like a mouse was calling every woman he practically knew.

Then on the evening of the 3rd day since the pimple showed its ugly face, I was woken up by a call from my fiance at 7.30 AM. I had to leave for home the next day and had lost all hope of getting a blemish-free face for my wedding. I had even packed the suitcases without bothering about the pending shopping. “Come out, I am waiting outside your hostel” was all that was said. I woke up with a start and wondered what the idiot was doing up so early in front of my hostel. Either way, I went out pulling a scarf over my head, hiding that horrible pimple as much as I could. There he was standing in the cold, with a small parcel in his hand. Before I could say anything,he thrust it into my hand and said “Try this, this is the last hope I have for your pimple problem.” As soon as I heard the word ‘pimple’ I was wide awake. Inside the parcel was a “Garnier Pure Active Neem” face-wash. I had given up on face washes and hence looked at him as if he was insane. He said, “Just try this one for me. My friend told me this one works. Anyway, there’s no harm in trying na?” I had no reply to that and hence decided to give it a go. I didn’t bother to look if it actually made progress because I had no hope. The next day I left for home on seeing me, my mom said, “Was this the pimple you were making so much fuss for?” I was pissed off that even my mom didn’t take me seriously and went to the mirror to check it. I was in for a surprise. The pimple was still there but it looked smaller. I wondered if I was hallucinating but no, it was definitely smaller than it was the day before.

_uploads_2014_12_Garnier-Pure-Active-Neem-Face-WashImage Source: onedaycart.com

I started religiously washing my face 3 times a day with the face-wash. Each day, I could see it drying up a bit more and on its way out. I called the man who was the reason behind this and chirped away happily. I could tell that he was relieved but later he told me that he didn’t care for the pimple but only for my sanity(Hmph!) My friend saved the day by picking up the things I had to shop and coming a couple of days early to deliver them to me. On the day of my wedding, there was nothing but a tiny spot where the pimple was. I was not bothered by it as it was too light to be visible in the clicks and I was going to marry the love of my life in a few hours. There were only laughter throughout the wedding, no pimples. At the end of the day, I told my newly-wed husband, “I now know that I have made the right choice. No man would brave the Bangalore cold to get me a face-wash and no man would ever take these girl problems so seriously. None other than you!” And his reply was, “Pimple or no pimple, I love you for who you are. But when something bothers you, it bothers me too. And that is the reason why I took it so seriously”. That’s my man!

This post is written as an entry to the Garnier Pure Active Neem Face-Wash contest on Indiblogger in association with Garnier.

Until later 🙂

What is it that I really want to say?

I sat still with only the silence for company. The door is ajar, just as you left it. The silence is deafening like never before. There have been more silences in my life, all courtesy me, but never anything like this. There were a million thoughts that raced through my mind but none were voiced. The last image in my eyes was that of you leaving. The image kept playing over and over in my mind like an endless movie, like a forlorn song that had gone on repeat mode. I didn’t even try to shut it out. I couldn’t bother too. Oh, what is that I really wanted to say to you? When you were walking away, there were so many things I had to say to you, but I stood there just watching you leave. All my thoughts and words lost their meaning as you shut the metaphoric door between us. How come there’s a door to shut between us?

Did I want to say that I still love you?
Or did I want to say I should have never loved you?

Did I want to tell you to stay?
Or did I want to tell you to get lost for good?

Did I want to say that all love is not lost between us?
Or did I want to say that there was never any love to begin with?

Did I want to say that I had gotten used to the silences?
Or did I want to say that I couldn’t take them any more?

Did I want to say Thank you for all that you gave me?
Or did I want to say Thank you for ruining my life?

Did I want to say that I now understood love?
Or did I want to say that I still think love is bullshit?

What is it that I really wanted to say? I wished you had the ability to read my mind as a silent tear made its way down my cheeks. I was and still am a messed up soul and you knew it. You took me with the hope that you will be able to make the mess right with your love. I was skeptical but I had unknowingly started growing on you. The silence around me in your absence stands solid proof of that. So you had indeed worked the magic on me. The magic of love! But then why did you leave? Or why did I make you leave? Couldn’t you take any more of my cynicism, my sarcasm and my detachment? I guess that’d be it. Who could stand years of neglect clinging on to just hope that I’d believe some day? I don’t blame you.

I noticed that the day had passed only when the darkness crept in. I realized that there was never another hope of a dawn for me. Especially with you gone… A sob escaped my lips and I was surprised when it resonated back to me. My head jerked up as if in reflex and my eyes turned to the doorway with the door still ajar. It was the same as in the morning except for one difference. The difference being you standing there leaning on the door with tears in your eyes. I thought you leaving had me hallucinating. But as you came close to me and cupped my face in your hands, I started believing. And your words that followed stunned me, “Why could you not just let the inhibitions go? Why could you not express the love that you have got in you? Why couldn’t you stop holding back for once? Why could you not stop me leaving? Let it go for me, please…” As you spoke and as the realization that you never had the intention of leaving dawned on me, I let go. Then and there. All my inhibitions. All the words that were racing through my mind. All the tears I had withheld in me. And then I knew exactly what I really wanted to say. And I did – “I love you”.

Until later 🙂

This post is for the Wordy Wednesday prompt “What is it that I really want to say?”  @ Blog-A-Rhythm:

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The journey from ‘or’ to ‘and’

Me (2)That’s me!
23530-the-problem-with-gender-is-that-it-prescribes-how-we-shouldImage source: inspirably.com

I was asked to choose either being a traditional, responsible girl or a modern, happy-go-lucky one.
I was asked to choose my parents or the love of my life.
I was asked to be a house-wife or a working wife.
I was asked to be a writer or an engineer.
I was asked to be artistic or analytical.
I was asked to be controlled or impulsive.
I was asked to choose a secure, planned life or “some” life with my loved one.

Every time these things happened the ‘Or’ in the statement irked me to no extent. The choice has to be from within. If I am choosing between two things, it should be my decision and my intention. Why am I being restricted to this or that by someone else? As the question burned on as a flame, I started asking questions. Then came the reply, “A girl shouldn’t ask such questions.”, “Why are you talking like a boy?”, “Be a girl and be obedient.”, “If you keep talking like this, no one would marry you.” That was the last straw for me. So for someone to marry me, I should lock away all my thoughts and choose between two fingers that the society extends in front of me? I put my foot down then and there. All of these when I was a kid, as early as when I was about 8 years old. My parents didn’t understand at first and thought I was rebelling by asking questions. I don’t blame them for they were also molded products of society. Instead, I decided to make them see. I decided to make them understand that a girl can #UseHerAnd and take a stand. I kept proving my point time and again and slowly people who loved me truly started understanding me. They saw enough sense in what I was telling, to stop and try to understand what I am fighting for. And that was enough to keep me going.

il_fullxfull.379350001_1x94Image source: coyotescorner.com

Why do phrases like “Don’t cry like a girl”, “Be brave like a boy” and the like even exist? Do you not know enough women in the world who were/are braver than all men on earth put together? Of course, you do. Then why do you set up a bad example for your son, by saying “Don’t cry like a girl”. There in, you are planting a conclusion that girls cry and boys don’t. Teach your kids to deal with problems instead of stereotypes. Crying is just a form of expression and has nothing to do with gender. I’d rather have a man who cries when he feels sad than some guy thinking not crying is macho. The next thing that every human should be taught is not to label women. I am not the feminist who bashes all men and call for women equality options. I don’t even ask for special preferences to women. I believe by giving special preferences, you acknowledge that women *need* those special preferences and that implies a labeling or being objective. I don’t need that, we don’t need that. We need the mindset where a woman and a man are two individuals functioning to their capacity. Is that too hard?

pinterestImage Source: livebyquotes.com

When a woman breaks boundaries and goes beyond what’s normally perceptible, why is there even a question of her morals, her character, her personality? She is another person who achieved something that none others did. Can’t we just appreciate her for that and let her be herself? I know a girl who was elder to me by a few years. She was like a sister figure to me when I grew up and she was a brilliant artist, academic and a doting daughter. Her parents were in the traditional brought-up system and married her off once she finished 12th grade against her protests. A lot of us, friends and family told her parents to encourage her academic and artistic skills instead of curbing her with societal systems. But they didn’t understand it then with their closed minds. What happened? The guy she married gave her a child in a year and feeling that he had duly fulfilled his duties as a husband, he didn’t want any further responsibilities. He got influenced into drinking and gambling and stopped going to work. Now what would the girl do with a little one to feed and a drunkard for a husband? Her parents supported her a while, all the while regretting their decision, silently cursing themselves for pushing their daughter into this hell. One day she got fed up and called off the marriage. The idiot of her husband didn’t even want custody or anything with his son, not that she would have given him custody. A lot of people raised hell over that asking uncomfortable questions for her. She told all of them to shut up and took a stand. She took up part time jobs and started preparing for the government exams. Today, she is deputy Tehsildar (revenue administrative officer) for our district and well on her way to become an IAS officer. This is not a story I read somewhere. I saw her go through everything that she did and saw where she is. The day she stopped accepting the ‘Or’ thrust on her and took her ‘And’ out, she was free. Her son adores her and her parents see her for what she is. They have proud tears in their eyes and support her wholeheartedly today. Had this been done a few years earlier, she would have been spared the pain! Well, better late than never is what she says. And I am proud of her.

So girls, there is nothing wrong in putting your foot down for something you believe in. There’s nothing wrong in asking questions. There’s nothing wrong in breaking records and flying higher. And I have one thing to say to the society too, “We know what we are doing! We are not here to fight or rebel, that would just waste our time and energy. We are here to prove. I don’t want your ‘OR’, so stop shoving it in my face. If you can, wait and see me #UseMyAnd and take a stand, you’ll understand then. If you can’t, well it’s not my loss.”

Until later 🙂

This post is a my second entry to #UseYourAnd activity at BlogAdda in association with Gillette Venus.

P.S: I didn’t include the pic of the woman I have written about (as per the activity guidelines) since it is her option to retain her privacy.

Why choose when you can do both?

Me (2)That’s me!

“You can be either a good wife OR a surgeon”

“Decide if you want to be a good daughter OR an actress”

“Choose between being a banker OR being in a band”

The above excerpt is from blogadda’s “Blog for #UseYourAnd and Take a Stand” activity. Sounds familiar? If you are a woman, you would have heard it somewhere. Even men are facing this thinly veiled ultimatum many a times these days. If you are lucky and have a wonderful family and friends, still you would have heard of someone who was made to face this choice. Or should we call it choice? The society cleverly layers the deadline it gives inside ‘OR’ and defines it as a choice. Well, I am not the one to be fooled but there are many innocent women who think there’s a choice in this hidden statement that corners a girl to choose either one. Well next time, stop and think “Why can’t I do both?”. You can always do both if you believe in yourself.

As I have iterated in many of my posts, I have a strong sense of identity. I never give up my identity without a valid reason. I have had to fight a lot with my loved ones to make them understand that retaining my identity is not rebellion. It was hard to make them understand at times and it still is. But I never take that as reason enough to give up who I am. If I want to do something and if that something is justified morally right, then nothing should stop me from being me. So often, even the strongest of us women face a dilemma when they hit the marriage phase. Isn’t it sacrifice enough that women are uprooting themselves and start adapting in another environment? Isn’t it proof that we can adapt? Why should our every single action/habit be monitored and changed according to the new environment? Change is good. But it should be two-way and not forced.

Is it not possible for a two people who have different beliefs to co-exist peacefully? It is possible and more. Why can’t some people understand that it is okay if their spouse or friend or any loved one for that matter can have an entirely contradicting belief? I strongly say that it’s as much my birthright as yours. You can challenge me intellectually with questions about my belief. We can both present our points and have a debate for the sake of better understanding. That’s how we evolve. But at the end of the discussion, it is still perfectly fine for both involved to leave the table without being convinced about the other’s belief. This is where the tampering of identity starts.

Next time when someone asks to be this or that, tell them proudly that you’ll be both. Even better, show them. Every woman and man have their own personality traits. Some come ingrained from before and some are developed as we live everyday. But each of the trait is something unique to the person. Why is there even a question of which of the two you can be? Why is there a need to label me with one definition when I can be a multitude of definitions and then some more too? I will never my freedom be curbed by anything other than my own decision. If I choose something, it would be because I want to choose it. If I change something in me, it would be because I want to change that part of me. None else can define me and none else should. Yes! It can sound strong and harsh but that’s how we have to be if we want to be heard.

This doesn’t mean you can label us feminists/chauvinist or one of the many labels floating around and that we won’t listen to reason. As I have already mentioned, you can challenge us intellectually, ask questions about why we believe in something, get to know what makes me do things that I do. And let us do the same to you. Let’s understand each other’s reason and then if I am wrong, the change will come automatically out of *my* realization. Because each person in this world can have their own identity and still exist in peace, if only you #UseYourAnd and take a stand.

Until later 🙂

This post is a part of #UseYourAnd activity at BlogAdda in association with Gillette Venus.

I tag Soumya @ LOL to take this activity up as she clearly exemplifies in taking a stand 🙂

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