Ripples of my Reflections

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A look at the mirror

January 7, 2015 / / 13 Comments

It’s been a week into the new year and I am still wondering what my first post of the year should be. Well, I thought hard and loud and decided to throw caution to the winds. Today I am penning down a confession of sorts. Yes! And the confession is about just me and doesn’t involve anyone else. So without the worry of disclaimers and warnings, here it goes.

I am a huge control freak. Time and again, I have always known this at the back of my mind but never got around to stare it straight in the face and say it out. The reason being the inability for acceptance of the fact. While being a control freak can mean good things like being the one who is always responsible, who always thinks twice before doing anything, who is always there for others to do impulse decisions and enjoy their life. At the same time, it also eats at your peace a lot. You are always worried/taking care of/managing something or the other. I can safely say that I have not taken any significant impulsive decisions so far in my life. About the non-significant ones, hell yeah, I have a ton of them in line. My impulsive, impromptu decisions involve buying something that I feel is not worth the price just because I like it or doing something immediately just because I want the work done. Even there, my need for having control over everything and wanting the task at hand done plays the more important role.

Thinking back, this personality of mine has been sowed a long time ago. I could remember a variety of memories from my college time to prove this. When people wanted to just get wet in the rain, they just would. On the other hand, I would worry about my books getting wet and would hand over all my things that I don’t want to get wet to someone who has an umbrella and then start enjoying the rain. I would justify myself saying that I am not making the money so I wouldn’t waste it. Be it exams, assignments or anything for that matter, I always had a plan. Even if it was to fare poorly in a test, I would know beforehand that my preparation is not enough. I have never been able to just forget about the exam that’s due tomorrow and play minesweeper while a lot of my friends did.

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Even now, I keep forming plans well before while hubby waits till the last minute to decide. That’s one thing I would add to the list of how different we are. I go crazy when he wouldn’t form and let me know the plans before. I keep nagging him and when it seems like he wouldn’t give up, I would form a backup plan of my own. Heck, even when I have a busy week and the house is messy, I have an organized messy blueprint. Certain things go in certain places even though they are messy and none is to disturb that. I hate unannounced or unexpected events although my rational mind knows that nothing in life is under *my* control actually. I make lists and complete them or at least find something close to completion so that I am at peace. There’s always a Plan A and a Plan B. For every single thing. Sometimes I wonder whether the non-acceptance of uncertainty is pushing me to even cling on to the illusion of me having things in my control.

There are times when I wish that I would get up one day and do something just in the spur of the moment. After all the high being in control gives me, I guess I still realize that I am missing on the “letting go” part of life.  Of course, things don’t go my way just because I plan and plan and plan. That’s how life runs. But I still don’t know why I am hell bent on trying to control things. So how to let it go? How to let life take its course and at the same time acknowledge that’s how it works? How do I get my mind to accept it? These are some questions I ponder on often. At the same time, I also wonder what in hell made me this guarded about life? What inspired me or triggered me to be the keep-in-check person that I am? I know a lot of people would crave to be me – having a plan about things, knowing where they are headed. Also, you might wonder why I am into self-criticism mode, first thing this new year. On the contrary, I am into a self-analysis mode. I want to pick the good that comes out of being organized and the good that comes out of being happy-go-lucky and put them together and make the recipe of my life. I want to get this glitch under control [Oh no, not the C word again]. I want a mix of both so that I can taste both the flavors of life. Any ideas, fellas?

Until later 🙂

P.S: If any of you give me a successful idea, my hubby would build a shrine for you because he is the one who has to put up with my must-control-everything-must-plan-everything syndrome. Poor thing! He cannot move around the house without me chiding him for leaving things where they are not supposed to go. It’s a wonder how he puts up with me when I myself wouldn’t. God bless him!

Action Replay – 2014

December 31, 2014 / / 8 Comments

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Throughout 2014, I saw bloggers around me writing monthly replay posts and have always thought of joining the club but never got around to. Today as I am lazing at my parents’ place, with mom around to take care of me, pampering me with her food, I thought why not start the trend with a replay of this year and carry it on to the new year. Today is the last day of this year which has been a roller coaster ride with many highs for me. I thank 2014 wholeheartedly for all that it gave me,ending a lot of my troubles and starting a few afresh – but then, that’s life. 2014 ended what some very critical troubles which were started by the previous years and gave me a makeover in many aspects. This post lists the most significant ones – good, bad or ugly they may be, they all gave me something important.

[Not in any chronological order]

  • I got married to the love of my life in February and if that doesn’t make my year, I don’t know what will! 😀
  • I had a major role change and domain change when I switched jobs this November. There was a lot of confusion and hesitancy around the switch as people kept discouraging me from doing what I love. But after a lot of pondering and discussions with hubby, I took the leap and so far it looks like a right decision. Hope it stays that way!
  • I got my Honda Activa gifted by my bro for my wedding. It’s a huge blessing and helps me get a lot of things done that I sometimes feel that I don’t appreciate it enough.
  • A cute bundle of joy in the form of my nephew came along in November and we named him Pranav. 🙂 I am so happy for my bro and may god bless  the family with tons of blessings. I miss the little dude so much since he is in USA and I can’t see him in person any sooner. I console myself by looking at his pics twice a day.
  • I took up the responsibility of running a home as me and hubby stay alone in Bangalore. It was and is tiring but I like it. I am a huge control freak and having the responsibility of keeping things perfect and trying to improvise all the time gives me a high. [Hubby takes full advantage of it and happily lets me do all the work while he enjoys special time with his toys gadgets 😛 :D]
  • This year marked so many weddings that as 2014 ends,I can say most of the people in my circle are hitched. We are transitioning into a generation of our own while kids are calling us aunties and uncles. 😮 😐
  • We lost a grandfather who was so loved and dear. He lived a great life and was the epitome of perfection. We thank him for setting a model for us, showing us how well to live life. We wish him serenity as his soul explores higher dimensions than physical existence.
  • I read a lot of books this year and with Kindle Paperwhite aiding me, there’s a definite increase in my reading and I am glad.
  • We booked a flat of our own which we should be moving into this year. We have put a lot into making this our little nest – a lot of decisions were made based on this, a lot of compromises and sacrifices were made for this. Hoping that life will continue to shower us with its blessings. *Fingers Crossed*
  • Hubby’s health issues are toned down and I pray earnestly that the coming years should be nothing but an improvement.

That’s about it! I am so excited about starting 2015 and I am sure you all are too. So signing off my last post of the year with a warm wish to all you. Wish you all a very happy new year! May 2015 be a better year for all of us, making the world a better place, letting us carry on the legacy to the coming years.

Until later 🙂

My Secret Santa

December 27, 2014 / / 9 Comments

Generally, I don’t get festive when Christmas comes around. The main reason being I didn’t have the annual shutdown or extended holiday concept at work till this year. But this year, I made a switch and from now on, I get a mandatory annual shutdown of 10 days approx. This made me enjoy the holiday season more and I started humming “Jingle bells..” as I drove to work. And when I saw a Santa handing out gifts to kids at the supermarket, I wanted one too. A perplexed hubby stood watching me ache for a gift from Santa. Finally as Santa didn’t even look at me (Of course, how would he know this crazy lady is still a kid at heart and wants a gift from him 😛 ), I turned to hubby and demanded in a resolved tone that he must dress up as Santa for me this year and he must give me a gift. Soon I forgot about the drama since I did it in the spur of a moment and I know hubby is not the romance freak that I am.

But hubby surprised me and how! He had taken my kiddish demand to heart and had made arrangements for a Santa outfit. He had also ordered a Kindle Paperwhite for me to surprise me (He later told me that he was saving the idea for our upcoming anniversary but seeing my disappointed face when I didn’t get a gift from Santa at the supermarket, he decided to gift it early).

Now, this kindle has an interesting story background. Twice, we had almost bought it from Croma but didn’t in the nick of time. We had Croma gift vouchers and were looking around to buy something. The final decision arrived at was Kindle. I was and am a firm believer that the feel of reading a book physically cannot be replaced by anything. However, hubby convinced me that this way I can buy only the books that are worth it and add it to my collection. I had a few regrets of spending money on some books which were totally not worth adding to my book collection and was hiding such books in the bottom most shelf. Also, he convinced me about the convenience of carrying a bookshelf in a kindle when going on vacations without having to worry about the luggage. So I gave in and we decided on Kindle Paperwhite and went to the counter only to realize that I had left the vouchers at home. So we decided we will buy some other time and left it at that. Very soon, we were at another Croma store and again debated on the models and arrived at a conclusion. We asked for it to be billed to find out that they didn’t have it in stock. We returned home thinking that maybe the universe is conspiring against us buying a Kindle. Soon I forgot about this whole Kindle episode and was back to reading normally. And now, it happened in the form of a Christmas miracle 🙂

So you ask, what’s so special about your hubby giving you a Kindle as a gift for Christmas? I say two things:

1. Hubby cannot hold secrets from me, no matter what. Even if it is a surprise for me, he would end up blabbing about it to me and have a puppy face about how he couldn’t, for the life of him, keep a secret from me. 😀

2. This time he decided to keep it and kept it for a while until I busted the whole thing a couple of days before Christmas by innocently peeping into his inbox and seeing the SMS of his order status.  I would have still pulled it off and let him think I didn’t know if only he had not noticed me seeing it.

So I guess secrets are not for us even if it is for surprising each other and I am totally fine with it because I for one, have a husband who cannot hide anything from me even if he wants to. 😛 😀 We had a totally fun and romantic time about this. Also, we ended spending the evening cajoling each other that it’s okay that the secret is out and later moved on to look at some gifts we gave each other in the past and reminiscing about it.

And on Christmas, I still got my Santa and a gift from him even though it was no secret 🙂

Until later 🙂

P.S: Dear hubby, It is so cute that you did this and don’t get discouraged that I busted the first secret you ever attempted to keep. There are a lot more attempts for you to make and for me to break so that we can share a ton of laughter every time we do it. And that crooked smile of yours which hesitantly peeks when you realize that I found out what you are trying to do – I love it and would try breaking your secrets just for that. Love you!

The Puppeteers of Palem – Book Review

December 23, 2014 / / 6 Comments
puppeteers-of-palem-coverSource : sharathkomarraju.com

When I read Leo‘s take on ‘The Pupeteers of Palem‘ by Sharath Komarraju , I was excited and hesitant at the same time. I was excited because I wanted to read a book that Leo gave more than 4 on 5. I was hesitant because I don’t get along with spooky stories well. The only spooky tales I have read are that of Phatichar‘s on his blog and his book ‘Frankly Spooking’. Still I went ahead and decided to read it because the blurb on the back piqued my interest and luckily I won the giveaway of Leo’s post. So I started off the book with very high expectations and I must say it met everything and then did something more too. The book weaves a chilling tale around a lot of characters who come together in the end to form the plot.

1984: 5 kids grew up in the village of  Rudrakshapalem listening to Avadhani thatha‘s stories when one unfortunate day, he tells them the spooky story of Lachi. The one whom none in the village talks about. Their curiosity gets the better of them and the kids want to meet Lachi at the Shivalayam, which is her infamous haunt. Little do they know there is a bigger picture in the small snippet that Avadhani thatha told them.

 2001: The 5 friends who are now in various places and phases of life decide to come back to Palem. For what, they do not know. Something pulls them back to the place where they grew up in. As they take in the village that seems so familiar yet so strange, they are hunted down – one at a time. Why are they struck down? What part of their childhood connected them to the happenings that lead to their deaths now, after so many years? Through what means does their enemy strike?

In the first 70-80 pages of the book, I met a lot of characters who told me to read on but at the same time made me question why so many characters? But then, each one of them beautifully fits in the picture when the entire plot is painted. Except that, not one feature of the book ticked me off even temporarily. I read on seamlessly and my hunger grew. At times, I was genuinely scared to read on since I felt like I was a part of the story too. As the end drew, all the pieces of the plot came together and when I turned the last page of the book, I found the experience thoroughly eerie which is the best success for a book of this genre.

The Puppeteers of Palem has convinced me that I should read each and every one of Sharath’s books and I intend to do so. I thank Soumya so much for introducing me to this book and giving me a copy to read it too. You just gave me the cake and let me have it too.

My rating of The Puppeteers of Palem: 4.5/5

Until later 🙂

Emotions

December 17, 2014 / / 4 Comments

The tears that sprout before you feel,
The nostalgia that comes before you call,
The pain that hurts before you realize,
The rush that goes away before you could savor,
The low that depresses before you avoid,
The love that hits before you know,
The anxiety that troubles before you acknowledge,
The rage that hurts before you can control,
The fear that eats you up before you address,
The excitement that’s infectious before you process,
The craving that tempts you before you could fight,
All these make us human
Emotions – Bundled up in a mess.

Until later 🙂

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