Ripples of my Reflections

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My encouter with the inevitable

January 4, 2012 / / 10 Comments

I stood there, lost in the awesomeness of the sunset. I had retreated to my favorite spot on the terrace to sulk over the endless problems that seem to find their way to me effortlessly. Why has 2011 been a year that I cannot understand? Why did it seem that the year has taught me a lot yet I am glad that it ended? Why do the familiar rays of hope arise when I think of 2012, when nothing has changed? I am still waiting for things to fall into place, holding my breath and pretending that life will pass on and one fine morning, everything will be like I wanted it to be. But, why does the hope arise in my heart from time to time? I thought of curbing the hope that arises and creates disappointment when the hope does not turn into reality. I decided not to believe in a tomorrow. If it comes, that’s good! Else, I will at least be spared of the disappointment. After all, hope didn’t seem to be a good decision to my problems. And with that decision, I continued to stare at the sunset.

Image Courtesy: http://scienceblogs.com

The setting sun glowed under the dark covers of clouds and I couldn’t help but stare at it. It hurt my eyes to keep staring like that and my eyes watered, but I didn’t move my eyes from the scene. It was too beautiful. Slowly as the sun set fully, I was engulfed in the darkness around me and once again my mind started searching for answers, with undivided concentration. From where I stood, people on the roads below seemed like scurrying ants and the sight made me wonder how busy the city is even after dusk. Moms hurrying to their homes to make the dinner in time for their families, Dads hurrying to their awaiting families so that they can spend more time with their kids, Children hurrying back home after school in the hope of getting some play time, Auto-drivers dashing to and fro to earn enough wages for their next day’s life, Street-vendors looking for some last-minute business before they close their shops and head home and so on. What enables them to go through the tiring routine throughout the day and look forward to another day? What makes them believe in a better tomorrow?

Suddenly a blazing light flashed across and I looked up at the sky. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I watched in awe as the scene unfolded. A bob of light that started at a point started growing bigger and bigger until its radiance was so strong that I could no longer decide where it started and where it ended. From the very centre of the radiance, a figure slowly walked towards me and as it came nearer I found that it was none but me. But I am here on the terrace! How can I be in two places at the same time? The glowing me smiled and said “You can be anywhere you want to be”. “Hey! Wait a minute. You can read my thoughts?” was my shocked reply and “Can’t I? After all I am you.” was the smug reply.

Me: So you are saying that this is happening inside my head?

Glowing-me: Only if you want it to be.

Me: What the hell? Too much Harry Potter and this is the aftermath of it.

(Glowing-me smirks)

Me: What are you smirking at?

Glowing-me: I am astonished by how naïve you are. You can believe a book which spins stories about people flying on brooms, and carrying sticks around cursing others, splitting your soul into 7 and keeping it in 7 places, you secretly hope that there is a Hogwarts and you will get your letter soon, but you cannot believe in yourself.

Me: (Taking offense) Hey! Who told you that I do not believe in myself?

Glowing-me: Stop trying to be defensive. Who do you think I am? I am you. If you do not believe in me, then you don’t believe in yourself.

Me: Arggh! This is all so confusing. What do you want? Why did you come?

Glowing-me: I came because you called me.

Me: What??? When did I ever call you?This is getting weirder by the passing second. Can you please stop being so annoying and tell me who you are and why you came?

Glowing-me: Since you are too dumb to realize that we both are the same and that you indeed called me, let me explain. I am you and I came to make you realize that you just took the stupidest decision of your life.

Me: That’s outrageous. What decision? How dare you appear out of nowhere and call my decisions stupid?

Glowing-me: Didn’t you just take the stupidest decision of your life that you will curb the hope that arises everyday, to prevent disappointments? Didn’t you just decide to stop believing in a tomorrow? Didn’t you just decide to live in a no-man’s space until things fall into place by themselves?

Me: Huh! Yeah I did, but how can you say that they are stupid? I have my own justifications and reasons.

Glowing-me: You answered this question too, a few minutes back. Didn’t you wonder how all those people believe in a tomorrow and doing their routine? Didn’t you just think how they manage to look forward to another day in spite of a crappy day?

Me: (This is getting scary.. I better be careful in my replies) Yee..aa..h! I did. So what?

Glowing-me: Put things together, you dumb-head! They fit. Hope is the only thing that keeps us alive. Without hope, you are as good as dead. If you so not believe in a tomorrow, why should you live? You can as well jump off this roof and die. Why do you think that old man in that corner of the road still returns to the same spot every day? It is in the hope that someone would be kind enough to give alms to him the next day and he might be able to make a meal out of it. Why do you think that woman over there opens her snack shop every day, leaving her sick child at home? It is in the hope that the next day, business would be better and she would be able to make enough money to buy medicines for her child. Do you think you have the biggest problem of all? Do you think your life sucks the most? If you do, you are the dumbest person ever born. Why do you think you still manage to go through a very draining day and yet manage to cheer up the next day? Because deep down, you have that hope the next day will be better and might bring some good news that you want to hear. And if you decide to curb that hope and stop believing in a tomorrow, then I would say, kill yourself now. There is no place for people without hope in the living world.

Thus Having blasted me, the glowing figure of mine turned around and started walking back towards the center of the radiating circle. I stood as a rock, too shocked even to move. Was she right? Am I being stupid to stop believing just because a few things happened which I didn’t want to and a few things I wanted to happen didn’t happen. I looked up and saw the glowing figure slowly starting to disappear. I called out frantically, “Hey! Are you really me? Is this happening inside my head?” I heard a voice coming out from the receding glow “Only if you want it to be”. I stood there for a very long time. Not moving. The truth dawned on me like a glorious sunrise and I knew. The truth was bitter but I knew that I had been wrong in my decisions. After what seemed like thousands of years, I found my peace with the truth. I decided to believe. I decided to keep the hope burning in me. It felt right.  I yelled out into the space “Hey! I am sorry to have been a fool before. I believe now!” I got no answer, but I was pretty sure that I heard a smile within myself.

This post is a result of me trying to find my inner peace. Around the end of 2011, I had become upset even for the smallest of things going wrong. I was continuously restless, thinking if it was even worth living. 2011 had taught a lot to me, but still somehow the things I want to happen more than my life, never seemed to be happening. That had made me feel all lost, depressed, confused and mourning at the year-end. Then again, I found my peace in 2012’s birth. With 2012, the hope I almost killed was re-born. Things have not yet fallen into place, but maybe this year, everything will become fine. Maybe. Maybe not. But that will not stop me from hoping or believing. Without hope, we are nothing. Believe in a tomorrow. Have a blast out of 2012!

Image Courtesy: wikimedia.org

“Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.”

Now, definitely too much Harry Potter! 😛 Right?

Until later 🙂

Sophisticated celebration!

December 31, 2011 / / 8 Comments

My previous post, The Woes of a share-auto traveller has been picked up for BlogAdda’s Spicy Saturday Picks.

Now that I have informed you about it in the most sophisticated manner, let me get back to normal and react honestly!

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
My post! My post! My post got picked up!
Haaaaaaaaahaaaaaahaaaaaahaaaaaaaa… Hehehehehehehehehehehe…
I have never felt this happy!!!!!
New year’s eve and I am already gifted with this.. 🙂 🙂
Does this mean that this year’s gonna be awesome? Should I take it as a sign? 😀 😀
Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohoooooooooooooooooooo..

Haan, now that is out of my system, I am back to my sophistication (ahem.. ahem..) in thanking all the readers and fellow bloggers, without whose encouragement, I would not be thinking of writing more and more 🙂 Thank you People!

Until later 🙂

P.S: This is my first ever recognition on a public platform. So sorry for the drama 😉

The woes of a share-auto traveller

December 26, 2011 / / 17 Comments

Hey people,

Hope you had a merry Christmas and wishing you a Happy New Year in advance 🙂 Everyone is in the holiday mood and blogging seems to be downstream except for a few posts here and there. Anyway nothing has changed in my life. If you wanna know what exactly is happening in my life, I can tell you – “When you expect something to happen, it seems like your life is on a pause button and time is taking its own time to give you what you want. But, when you love doing something, time just spins on its wheels” That’s exactly what’s happening to me. My life seems to be in pause mode.

Enough digression! Being in Hyderabad for the past year and having used share-autos for commuting to office daily, I have come to observe and learn the tactics needed to travel in a share-auto, which by the way is a more popular mode of commute than the local buses themselves. So here are some interesting almost life-changing things that might happen to you if you travel regularly by share-auto.

By share-auto, I do not mean the big ones which can accommodate 8 people. It is just the normal auto used as a circus show-off carrying more than it can. The share-auto drivers are self-assumed kings of the world and will have fixed destinations. They will run their auto to and from their destinations without a single passenger but will not think of changing their route to another one even if there are mobs of people waiting for a transport in a different route. Once you spot a share-auto, yell out the place where you wish to go to. If he finds you right, he is likely to stop the racing auto 10 feet forward from where you stand and look back, else he will just speed off.

Next, they have fixed rates. Either accept and get in or it is just get out. You cannot tell him that just the day before you paid 10 bucks and it is unfair that he is charging 20 bucks today. This rule applies especially when the never-ending recurring T-strike is on.

Suppose that it is your lucky day and you get a share-auto within few minutes of wait, make sure to hop in as quickly as possible, else you will find yourself face-down on the road, for the drivers will have an estimated instinctive time-limit before they start the auto. They won’t look back to make sure that you got in, if that’s what you were expecting. And if you are waiting for a share-auto and so are 10 others, prepare yourself to be a street rat and fight your way. If you prefer to be the docile type, call up your manager and apply for leave and go home.

Once you are inside the share-auto, hang on to the side bars for your dear life. The auto will race light and win the race! It will slide through all gaps available rocking back and forth, with its passengers juggled mercilessly. You will actually feel that you can fly. Women folks, be wise and choose the corner seat if there are guys in the back seat. Use one hand to hang on to the auto and one hand to defend yourself, else pervey perversons will show what they are capable of. This sad thing still happens.

And guys, you are cursed for life to be hanging only from the front seat along with the driver. Even if you come first and wait in the share-auto for an hour, you won’t get a reasonable seat to place yourself on if there are more than 2 girl-travelers. Be it pouring rain or scorching heat, you have to just accept it. Sometimes 4 guys including the driver will sit in the front and 3 passengers behind happen. Though I can’t say if the driver is really sitting and driving the auto, in such cases. He might as well be pressing random levers at the end of his foot and driving the auto by instinct. But, if you want to reach office on time wading through layers of traffic, you cannot put your mind through all that.

Image Courtesy: http://www.shatabdigaurav.com

And when you want the driver to stop at a place, yell “stop” 10 feet before the place actually comes to save on the walking time. And one universal rule, if you are in a real hurry for a meeting, just hire a direct auto and go. Else, you will have to wait in the auto until it fills up and overflows with people and by the time you reach, you will definitely be late.

Even with all this, you need a lot of luck for reaching your place safely without your heart popping out of your mouth. So, take care and good luck!

Until later 🙂

Nostalgia

December 19, 2011 / / 4 Comments

Today morning I had a rather dull start and I was seeking some motivation to move on. I was digging my mailbox for something useful or something interesting and I found out a thread of conversation that I had among some best friends of mine in college, a few months back. It brought back memories and I got too nostalgic and penned down the below words. I just meant to write what I felt but it came out in the form of verses and I just went along. It is not exactly a poem, but just a feeling that came out this way. It might be a bit raw, like a child’s attempt at poetry. Still I felt that it was special because what caused this was special. So here it is, I dedicate it to all my friends.

Bored was her heart, seeking a new start,

The day seemed long and dull; she was searching for a lull,

She hit upon an old conversation with her friends in her mailbox,

As she read it, she was washed over by a wave of nostalgia,

All the fun they had, the teasing charade,

The family tree, movie-spree,

The non-stop assignments that became friends’ consignments,

All they did was to bunk classes and eat junk food at the hostel,

Yet those days are dear and the laughter was still ringing for her to hear,

The silly fights and the patch-up times, always had them laughing later like a wind-chime,

To think of all those now, seemed like a bygone fairytale,

All that is left now is the memories and slam book memoirs,

And a never-ending song in her heart.

Until later 🙂

P.S : I don’t know what’s with me and the color Cyan. I seem to be liking it more and more by each passing day, that I want to see it everywhere and use it everywhere. Is it because winter is here and I have always associated any shade of blue to winter?

2 songs and 1 photo

December 17, 2011 / / 4 Comments

Hey all,

The last post of this challenge. I took a while to complete this and the monotony started getting on my nerves. Well, I blame it on the lack of time. Anyway, I am yet to write the discussion post at DOV too and should come up with some posts for my blog and DOV. But, Ms.Muse has just politely excused herself and taken a long vacation. Let us see if she returns to save me in good time.

Now over to the 2 songs that I love,

1. Tum se hi from Jab We Met

This song soothes me every time I hear it. It just strikes the right chord every time in my heart.

The second song should ideally be “I’ll be there for you-The Remambrandts”. But I decided to go beyond the obvious and choose,

2. Give me some sunshine from 3 idiots.

Each time I hear this song, I sing along from my heart. It’s not like I was not given opportunities, just that I didn’t use them well, those which came along. I have learnt to live with everything’s-for-the-best policy, but at times I feel that I have a strong urge to just set a few things right in the past and hence I would love another chance to grow up and if I am given another chance, I would do it right. Just right. Still, there’s no way anyone is gonna get another chance at life. All the If only’s and But’s stay until the very end. Regrets are not the way to solve problems and I know it 🙂 So, cheers!

Over to the one photo of myself, I am gonna disappoint you here. I am gonna put up the pic that I have as my profile pic for all my online accounts. So nothing new. It is just that this photo was clicked recently and I seem candidly happy in that. It’s been a while since I smiled like that 🙂 A candid smile. So, here I am:

Pheww!! The challenge is done 🙂 And by the way, how does my blog look? After a long time, I got the right theme, the right pics, the right widgets and the right colors. Most of all the right spark. Thanks to Sumitra for inspiring me to do this 🙂

Until later 🙂

P.S : Tried embedding the songs’ videos as such from youtube. For some strange reason, I am not able to control the height and width of them and so just listed them in words.

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