I think, therefore I write

Tag: Divine

The divine paradox


I recently happened to listen to the long forgotten devotional albums, Jyothi Vativaana Annamalai by UnniKrishnan and Om Namah Shivaya by SPB. Not that I am getting any religious than I was, but I stumbled across these in the pursuit of something else. It invoked a lot of childhood memories as my mom loved them and used to listen to them all the time, I wonder where those radio cassettes are lying now. Man, the time for cassettes has been long buried!

Anyway, my point is I loved hearing some of those songs and couldn’t get them out of my mind. Especially the “Shivaya Nama Om” song in UnniKrishnan’s album. What a voice! It was as if something from within your mind is calling out to you. I am not a fan of Idol worship or to be precise, man-made concepts of divinity. I am a believer of natural divinity in the form of a central force that is omni-present. So this song failed to invoke the spiritual aspect towards Lord Shiva as many would expect but what an internal insight it brought to me in the way of my beliefs and perspectives.

This experience left me pondering about divinity within every self and how we can peel through the layers of ego, human emotions and other superficial stuff and reach it. And the music composition just had me swaying to the tune with eyes closed. It’s been a while since I connected this deeply with anything that’s construed as religious.

When I was pondering over this, an intriguing question came to my mind. I know humans represent Lord Shiva in the form of a Lingam and that the shiva linga is the collective representation of lingam and yoni. That is the ultimate representation of the male-female oneness, creative energy and the potential of creation. You can check this wiki entry for more details. What had me thinking was another aspect of general belief that Lord Shiva is the destructive aspect in the process of life. I have heard how people name the lords Brahma, Vishnu and Shiva responsible for creation, protection and destruction stages of the life cycle. However, the shivalinga which is used to represent the lord of destruction actually represents the power and potential of creation. Therein, this paradox already shows that there is nothing but one divine energy which is probably too enormous for the amateur human minds to comprehend that they give names and forms to the force.

I don’t have any issues with naming the force to one’s belief and follow one’s preferences. What really bothers me is the fight over whose perspective is greater and forcing others directly/indirectly to believe that each one’s perspective is THE right one.What’s so bad about believing in something for your own sake? What’s so bad about letting another person believe something that is in contrast with what you believe and accept that it’s their right to do so?

And this divine paradox makes my belief stronger and shows me that I am on the right path. Whether I will reach the destination is a different thing altogether. Even now, I don’t force this perspective of mine on anyone. I am just sharing what sparked in my mind. I so wish the other side would do the same to me by not forcing me to believe what my mind can’t process. That’s so egoistic and there’s nothing divine about it.

Everyone has a way of connecting with the inner force and it’s better to let them do it. Enabling them to connect is one thing but forcing them to take the same path as us is a different thing which is just wrong. Because our perspective helps us connect with the inner self, if I force someone to believe what I do, it means I am forcing them to connect with my inner self the way I do. That defeats their purpose of seeking divinity.

Until later 🙂

P.S: Heavy, right? Yeah, I like to write about such thought processes as writing helps me to analyze myself.


கடவுளை உள்ளே வைக்கவா
அல்லது மனிதனை வெளியே வைக்கவா
பூஜை அறைக்கு பூட்டு…

Until later 🙂

P.S: As soon as this thought struck my mind, my mind gave me many perspectives to this small piece of writing. And I realized a single line evoking a million perspectives is the beauty of language. I would love to hear your perspective or interpretation too 🙂

P.P.S: For those who don’t know Tamil, it roughly translates to “Whether to keep God inside or to keep man outside, is the lock for the prayer/puja room?” The beauty of language might be lost in translation but it is just for the sake of understanding.

My encouter with the inevitable

I stood there, lost in the awesomeness of the sunset. I had retreated to my favorite spot on the terrace to sulk over the endless problems that seem to find their way to me effortlessly. Why has 2011 been a year that I cannot understand? Why did it seem that the year has taught me a lot yet I am glad that it ended? Why do the familiar rays of hope arise when I think of 2012, when nothing has changed? I am still waiting for things to fall into place, holding my breath and pretending that life will pass on and one fine morning, everything will be like I wanted it to be. But, why does the hope arise in my heart from time to time? I thought of curbing the hope that arises and creates disappointment when the hope does not turn into reality. I decided not to believe in a tomorrow. If it comes, that’s good! Else, I will at least be spared of the disappointment. After all, hope didn’t seem to be a good decision to my problems. And with that decision, I continued to stare at the sunset.

Image Courtesy: http://scienceblogs.com

The setting sun glowed under the dark covers of clouds and I couldn’t help but stare at it. It hurt my eyes to keep staring like that and my eyes watered, but I didn’t move my eyes from the scene. It was too beautiful. Slowly as the sun set fully, I was engulfed in the darkness around me and once again my mind started searching for answers, with undivided concentration. From where I stood, people on the roads below seemed like scurrying ants and the sight made me wonder how busy the city is even after dusk. Moms hurrying to their homes to make the dinner in time for their families, Dads hurrying to their awaiting families so that they can spend more time with their kids, Children hurrying back home after school in the hope of getting some play time, Auto-drivers dashing to and fro to earn enough wages for their next day’s life, Street-vendors looking for some last-minute business before they close their shops and head home and so on. What enables them to go through the tiring routine throughout the day and look forward to another day? What makes them believe in a better tomorrow?

Suddenly a blazing light flashed across and I looked up at the sky. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I watched in awe as the scene unfolded. A bob of light that started at a point started growing bigger and bigger until its radiance was so strong that I could no longer decide where it started and where it ended. From the very centre of the radiance, a figure slowly walked towards me and as it came nearer I found that it was none but me. But I am here on the terrace! How can I be in two places at the same time? The glowing me smiled and said “You can be anywhere you want to be”. “Hey! Wait a minute. You can read my thoughts?” was my shocked reply and “Can’t I? After all I am you.” was the smug reply.

Me: So you are saying that this is happening inside my head?

Glowing-me: Only if you want it to be.

Me: What the hell? Too much Harry Potter and this is the aftermath of it.

(Glowing-me smirks)

Me: What are you smirking at?

Glowing-me: I am astonished by how naïve you are. You can believe a book which spins stories about people flying on brooms, and carrying sticks around cursing others, splitting your soul into 7 and keeping it in 7 places, you secretly hope that there is a Hogwarts and you will get your letter soon, but you cannot believe in yourself.

Me: (Taking offense) Hey! Who told you that I do not believe in myself?

Glowing-me: Stop trying to be defensive. Who do you think I am? I am you. If you do not believe in me, then you don’t believe in yourself.

Me: Arggh! This is all so confusing. What do you want? Why did you come?

Glowing-me: I came because you called me.

Me: What??? When did I ever call you?This is getting weirder by the passing second. Can you please stop being so annoying and tell me who you are and why you came?

Glowing-me: Since you are too dumb to realize that we both are the same and that you indeed called me, let me explain. I am you and I came to make you realize that you just took the stupidest decision of your life.

Me: That’s outrageous. What decision? How dare you appear out of nowhere and call my decisions stupid?

Glowing-me: Didn’t you just take the stupidest decision of your life that you will curb the hope that arises everyday, to prevent disappointments? Didn’t you just decide to stop believing in a tomorrow? Didn’t you just decide to live in a no-man’s space until things fall into place by themselves?

Me: Huh! Yeah I did, but how can you say that they are stupid? I have my own justifications and reasons.

Glowing-me: You answered this question too, a few minutes back. Didn’t you wonder how all those people believe in a tomorrow and doing their routine? Didn’t you just think how they manage to look forward to another day in spite of a crappy day?

Me: (This is getting scary.. I better be careful in my replies) Yee..aa..h! I did. So what?

Glowing-me: Put things together, you dumb-head! They fit. Hope is the only thing that keeps us alive. Without hope, you are as good as dead. If you so not believe in a tomorrow, why should you live? You can as well jump off this roof and die. Why do you think that old man in that corner of the road still returns to the same spot every day? It is in the hope that someone would be kind enough to give alms to him the next day and he might be able to make a meal out of it. Why do you think that woman over there opens her snack shop every day, leaving her sick child at home? It is in the hope that the next day, business would be better and she would be able to make enough money to buy medicines for her child. Do you think you have the biggest problem of all? Do you think your life sucks the most? If you do, you are the dumbest person ever born. Why do you think you still manage to go through a very draining day and yet manage to cheer up the next day? Because deep down, you have that hope the next day will be better and might bring some good news that you want to hear. And if you decide to curb that hope and stop believing in a tomorrow, then I would say, kill yourself now. There is no place for people without hope in the living world.

Thus Having blasted me, the glowing figure of mine turned around and started walking back towards the center of the radiating circle. I stood as a rock, too shocked even to move. Was she right? Am I being stupid to stop believing just because a few things happened which I didn’t want to and a few things I wanted to happen didn’t happen. I looked up and saw the glowing figure slowly starting to disappear. I called out frantically, “Hey! Are you really me? Is this happening inside my head?” I heard a voice coming out from the receding glow “Only if you want it to be”. I stood there for a very long time. Not moving. The truth dawned on me like a glorious sunrise and I knew. The truth was bitter but I knew that I had been wrong in my decisions. After what seemed like thousands of years, I found my peace with the truth. I decided to believe. I decided to keep the hope burning in me. It felt right.  I yelled out into the space “Hey! I am sorry to have been a fool before. I believe now!” I got no answer, but I was pretty sure that I heard a smile within myself.

This post is a result of me trying to find my inner peace. Around the end of 2011, I had become upset even for the smallest of things going wrong. I was continuously restless, thinking if it was even worth living. 2011 had taught a lot to me, but still somehow the things I want to happen more than my life, never seemed to be happening. That had made me feel all lost, depressed, confused and mourning at the year-end. Then again, I found my peace in 2012’s birth. With 2012, the hope I almost killed was re-born. Things have not yet fallen into place, but maybe this year, everything will become fine. Maybe. Maybe not. But that will not stop me from hoping or believing. Without hope, we are nothing. Believe in a tomorrow. Have a blast out of 2012!

Image Courtesy: wikimedia.org

“Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.”

Now, definitely too much Harry Potter! 😛 Right?

Until later 🙂

Agnostic or Atheist-It doesn’t matter!

After knowing many of my fellows’ opinion on religion and god,I am tempted to discuss my thoughts.This might turn out to be confusing,because I am confused about the existence of God as in real existence terms.Does this make me an Agnostic? Whatever..I don’t think that God is somewhere out there holding all the strings of life and happenings together.Does this make me an Atheist? O.K. Now to the point,as for me,life is a string of incidents based more on Newton’s III law.Our actions determine what we are going to face.Everyone would have had experiences to prove this fact. Still,they talk of god deciding punishments for each living cell on earth.Oh,Come on people,We have studied science which proves the life’s existence and purposes. This leads to the questions that pin point certain incidents that are too good to be mere coincidence. Yup,I accept,but what’s life without some miracles? So,I don’t know if God is there on not,but I don’t appreciate idol worship,many-god theory,religious chaos in name of God  and so on.What I am saying is,have your own opinions,whatever they are.However,do not expect others to have or support the same.This goes mainly to the elder generation who expect their children to believe what they believe,though they do not have solid reasons for their belief. It’s a pity that they believe what they have been taught to believe.As for me,God may even exist as that science that explains all these issues.I don’t mind.But,I mind when this issue is being used to force others to do something or to divide the country or to enhance terrorism…………. The list goes on.People,let these change at least in our lives.