The memory of you that hit me today was not that strong either, it was just a hazy vision in the flurry of clouds in my mind. I smiled at how it no longer affected me when that was all that mattered some time back. Was it just some time? It feels like that was on a different time plane. It was like this dream – intense, deep and sometimes bruising. The dream was a recurring one, with you as the focal point. It went from an occasional dream to a recurring one to a nightmare. But every time, I forgot the dream when I woke up. It stayed only as long as I slept – the moment I woke up, any recollection of it would be impossible and I would just be left with a mysterious curiosity of what that was all about. And then slowly, I figured it out even though I couldn’t remember once awake. That the dreams were about you. I didn’t have to remember the dream to know it, I just knew. And today as I still see that past of mine through a vision that keeps getting hazier by the day, I am thankful that you were a dream that was worth forgetting.
Until later 🙂
Dreams have always managed to astonish me. The way our subconscious concocts stuff spinning around things that we think about a lot, the stuff we worry about, the stuff we wonder about. But beyond all these, the times our dreams turn out to be one of those stories which we have never thought about at any point of life or even imagined to happen. As for me, I have had a lot of such dreams. They come in all shades of colors. True incidents, Fantasies that I love, Worries that make my life a mess and so on. All of them put together and a fine grand cocktail appears out of it.
Most of us would have had one particular dream over and over again. It might have changed with various phases of our life. For me, up until college, it was a dream about me going to the exam, but not knowing any of the answers, panicking and when the exam time is almost over, all the answers swoosh into my head and I scribble frantically on my answer sheet, only to find the invigilator grabbing it from me because the time is up. I have wondered if that dream kept recurring maybe because that was my worst fear in my subconscious mind. But, I never knew for sure. I was a very fast writer and a pretty sincere kid until school and hence I never had to face this situation in life. Then why did this dream torment me? I have no idea. And it faded off during my college days.
Sometimes I have dreams which while I am dreaming would be of utmost clarity and I would be able to see every detail in my dream world, but once my alarm does it’s job and I wake up, all I would remember is that I had a dream and that it was very transparent in detail, but I would not be able to recollect what was it all about. Actually Spaceman Spiff’s dream post got me thinking about dreams. But unlike her, I have never had a pattern or regularity, for which the exam-waala dream is the only exception. My dreams just come and go as they please. If I am hell-bent on worrying about something, my dream will not necessarily be about that. The converse, when I am excited about something, the probability scale tilts towards the higher side, that I will dream about some random stuff than actually dreaming about my happiness.
Where does our subconscious get its inane ability to put incidents of different inks together to make a multi-colored story? Why do I dream about losing an ink pen when I do not even own one now? Why don’t I dream about making it to Bangalore, when that’s what I have thought about all day? I have often found Dumbledore’s famous quote, “For in dreams, we enter a world that is entirely our own. Let him swim in the deepest ocean or glide over the highest cloud.” intriguing. And till date, I have not found a true explanation that will clear the mist around my dreams. Do you have any answers? Do you have dreams that you don’t have a clue about when you wake up?
Until later 🙂