Ripples of my Reflections

I think, therefore I write

Tag: Family (page 2 of 3)

Having it all

Is there anything wrong in aspiring to have it all?

Is there anything wrong in trying to do it all?

Until later 🙂

Love vs Ego

One particular episode of the debate show “Neeya Naana” in Star Vijay TV is the reason behind this post. The debate was between a section of parents and daughters who disagreed over love marriage. The reasons of the disagreement were many, but there were some shocking revelations to me.

There was one parent who was of the opinion that honor killing is the right punishment for those who marry into another caste. I never thought a parent can honestly believe that his/her daughter would be better dead than marry into another caste. There was another parent whose arguments were torn apart by her daughter, but still wouldn’t agree that marrying for love could be a right thing. The daughter asked her mom – “If I commit suicide because I couldn’t marry the guy I love, is that fine with you?” And her mom’s reply was – “I would rather have you dead or remain a spinster and stay with me, than accept someone you choose.” Much ego? Shocking!

The debate had all the usual arguments from both sides and it was pretty much predictable that the parents’ ego and how the society will treat them if they accept love marriages, especially cross-caste ones, was the main problem. But the most shocking revelation for me was from the daughters who were arguing for their right to love and marry the guy they loved. At the end of the show, Gopinath, the host, asked them this – “All this said, will your parents be able to change your mind to abandon the one you love and marry you off to someone they choose?”

I expected the girls to say a big NO. However, except one, everyone answered YES, albeit hesitantly. So that’s how strong you are in your belief of love and love marriages? I agree there is an emotional blackmail quotient, there is respect for your parents, you don’t want to hurt your family etc. But what about that decision you took to be with someone for the rest of your life? If your decision is this weak, there is no mistake on your parents’ part to suspect that this is a passing cloud and think that love doesn’t last. You have no right to blame your parents for not trusting you and your choice when you cannot defend your choice even for an hour.

To be clear, I am not asking anyone to elope. I am not asking anyone to resort to absurd decisions like suicide. Can’t we stand our ground and fight for something we believe is our life, soul and breath? I agree there are some cases where eloping is the only option or else you will get killed. I agree there are some situations when you are forced to move out and marry on your own. Exceptions are always there but giving up before even trying? That was something that disturbed me after watching that show.

Having known love and faced all the usual drama that comes with a love marriage, I tell this from my personal experience – There is no excuse for abandoning a true love just because you were too cowardly to defend it. Also, there is no excuse to abandon your parents when there exists even a remote chance that you can stand there and fight for your choice of life, that someday they might understand. Do not give up of either of them so easily. They both are priceless and precious. We might not know the value now, but when you look back at your life, you better have the right regrets than the wrong ones that make you feel like you cannot live with yourself.

And parents, caste? ego? Please, we have argued enough on this. Let’s rise above these petty things, that’s all I can request for. If there is a reason for you opposing your child’s choice of love and spouse, it better be something real to do with the welfare of your child.

Until later 🙂

How can I not?

To the best mom ever,

Here comes another day to remind us
Just how lucky we are to have you in our lives
It is not just our childhood you brightenedamma
But our entire life is a gift from you
With every sacrifice you made, you gifted us smiles
You made our lives easier with every step you took
Never once did you mind, nor did you mention
The dry, peeling and itchy skin on your palms
Or the black rings that covered your under-eyes
The cracks on your heel never mattered to you
Neither did the sleep you lost for the last 3 decades
Our smiles are always enough for you
Our dreams are your dreams and
Our achievements, your pride!
I have always been an agnostic
Questioning multiple religions and idols
But today I realized that I do believe in God,
How can I not? When I see you everyday…

Happy birthday ma!

Love,
Your Keirthu and Kirubha

Until later 🙂

Action Replay- February

February was a month that started off in full glory as it brought my first anniversary with it. One year as a wife. It was an elating feeling to acknowledge that it’s been one year of being married to the love of my life. Just a couple years ago, I would have given anything to be where I am today. So, this month made me look back and be grateful about what I had in hand. Life gives you lemons now and then but in the end it always teaches you something and makes you better. At least that’s how it has been for me. There is not one thing that I want to change when I look back. Even the bad things. Everything happened in a way so that the pieces fell in order, in their respective places. I am very thankful for what I have and will strive to achieve those that I don’t have yet.

One more thing that this month taught me was to adapt. Although it’s been 3 months since I joined my new work, I was on a learning curve so far. Only in February did I start doing the work actually and it was a lot to take in. I had underestimated some and overestimated some other aspects of my work. I had to readjust my perspectives, start getting used to it. And I must say I did it beautifully. Yes, I did freak out and vent it all to my hubby, my ever patient listener, but I am faring well so far.

What took an enormous chunk of my effort and time was the family wedding that came towards the end of the month. It was hubby’s first cousin with whom we are pretty close and I had to work 2 days straight for it. Since I am not from the same community, I hadn’t known how elaborate these weddings could get. I had attended a couple of weddings from his side but never got to work for the fest. This time, I got the full blast of it and I enjoyed it thoroughly. By the end of it, the house looked like it had lived through a cyclone. All of us were dead tired when it was over but then again when our aunt and uncle were all praises for me, the narcissist in me basked in the limelight happily. Also, I learnt to drape a silk saree properly with minimal help from mom and also to be more comfortable in it. 🙂

Two weeks after the wedding, mom stayed with us to pamper me with her care and I was in heaven. I ate, slept, watched reruns of The Big Bang Theory and chatted with her. Nothing can come close to the bliss of being taken care of by mom. I enjoyed every bit of it till Saturday when she had to head back home. With hubby also out of town for a couple of days, I felt a little lonely but then picked myself up and started using the space and time for myself. So with a bit of cleaning therapy, retail therapy, some ‘me’ time, I am fully recharged 🙂

Belated Women’s day wishes everyone!

women

Until later 🙂

P.S: I know it’s a little late as March is already 9 days old but I had a pretty busy February eating into the initial days of March. I have so many thoughts jotted down for the upcoming posts 🙂

June : One with the family

Here goes the month of June 2014, fifth in line in the series of letters to my hubby for our anniversary:

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Dear Adit,

June was a month for family time. Your cousin had a sudden engagement and we rushed there happily. It was an arranged love marriage and first of the kind that I was seeing up close. There were a lot of relatives there who I didn’t know and a lot more who didn’t know me. That was the first family function I was attending after our wedding and hence I was put on spotlight. It made me very nervous, awkward and uncomfortable at the same time. I plunged into doing the chores, helping your aunt and welcoming everyone to make the jitters go away and it helped a little. That was the first time I wore a silk saree after the wedding. I tried and tried and eventually your sister had to help me after finishing with hers!

On the down side, I had to miss my long-awaited get-together with my college friends since we had to rush to Salem at the last minute. I was so looking forward to meeting everybody since I hadn’t been able to attend most of the previous meet-ups. Anyway, I had to prioritize and that’s what I did. Everybody in your family started praising me for helping out at the engagement but I just did what I wanted to. It was my SIL’s engagement after all, she was your only little sister.

Also, you had started thinking about a job change, about leaving your comfort zone of 4 years. I knew you were getting restless with the job because it had gotten stagnant but then again the work culture was something that was rare. So I didn’t push you, I wanted you to figure out what you wanted and how to go about it. I was happy when you eventually decided that career is more important than comfort at this age. Although the change that you wanted came a few months down the line, this marked the beginning.

June meant family time to us and we enjoyed it to the best.

And did I tell you? I love you 😉

Love,

Wifey

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Until later 🙂

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