Ripples of my Reflections

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Year: 2013 (Page 5 of 8)

Entering into Marriage – Parents

May 14, 2013 / / 19 Comments

A lot of happenings in my life and in lives around me has prompted me to write this 2 part post. Entering into Marriage – Youth will follow soon.

Disclaimer: Let me just make it clear before I start that I am not biased in favor of arranged or love marriage, nor in favor of parents or the youth when it comes to the issue of approaching marriage. I am a neutral person who believes this is a case-to-case basis and everything can be solved by a clear open-minded talk from all the people involved.

Selecting a guy/girl to share your life with has become a business. I am not sparing love or arranged marriage here. Both are competing equally in causing havoc and in spreading good.  When a girl turns 24 (the age here varies from 24 to 26 according to the families), the pressure to get married starts. Guys are cut a certain slack here in the age factor, but girls are not spared. I am not blaming the parents for wanting to finish their duties and to give their daughter a happy life. I am just saying please check if she is mentally ready for entering into marriage. This is not just some duty that needs to be checked off in the to-do list. This is your daughter’s life. If you make her enter into something that she is not ready for, there is a good chance when she might think it is all too much for her to take and take rash decisions which would make you and the entire family regret.

The next pressure is on the couple to have kids before the girl turns 28-30 (again I am giving an age range). You say that’s how it is meant to be and the girl’s body takes the pregnancy pressure well during that time. Fine point! Agreed! But there is something called mental readiness added to the readiness of the woman’s body to take up the toil of pregnancy. If she is not ready to have a baby, pressurizing her is just gonna ruin the family’s life. The same goes for the guy. He might have some plans to get settled and have some savings before a baby comes along. It is not fair to force him to give you a grandchild when he is insecure. It might just ruin his confidence that he can lead a family well and he might feel out of place with his own baby.

You can argue saying that I got married at this age and had kids at this age and I am still living happily. But you have to accept the fact that times have changed. You were brought up to listen to your parents and marry whomever they show without a second thought and live forever with that person even if you think they are not the right person for you. But we are not like that. In the process of having more exposure, earning more, achieving more than it was possible back then, this self-thinking, independent nature also kicked in. Nothing can be done about that. It comes as a package. If you try to customize it, you will end up ruining the relationship with your child. Please do not see this as rebellious nature. Rebellious nature comes in only when there is no one to listen to us patiently. If you show that you are all for an open discussion, your child will not put up a rebellion. Instead he/she will be grateful to have such understanding parents.

In arranged marriages, before showing photos of prospective guys and girls to your daughters and sons respectively, there is one thing you need to do. Have a face to face talk with your son/daughter and find how ready he/she is in selecting a life partner. Try to check if he/she is clear in his/her expectations from a life partner. Give them some insights about adjustments and compromises for the greater good of the family, taking up responsibilities in the personal front and the like. Because facing the brutal world everyday in their jobs and being away from home for the sake of earning, people these days have learnt how not to compromise and ingrained with a fact that if they did, they will end up as losers. Also, in the process of concentrating on career and money making, they would have given into recklessness when it comes to personal lifestyle. However, the same concept will not apply when it comes to a family. It is not like they will not compromise but they need to be reminded of what it takes to live a married life. That too with some person whom they recently got to know about. Responsibilities of having to look after another person will seem scary. This talk would assure your daughter or son that marriage is not a scary phase but instead a lovable responsible phase of life.

As for love marriages, before rejecting blindly please consider the option. It is not as bad as you think. I am not talking about the illusion of infatuation ending in marriages or those who lack confidence on their parents and elope. I am talking about the people who are mature enough and have found someone they really like to spend their lives with and would like their parents to consider their choice. So before damning all the people who are in love as people blinded by infatuation and on the path to a huge failure, consider the prospect for a moment. If the person chosen by your son/daughter is a good choice, will he/she look after your son/daughter well – get to know him/her. Try to understand why your son/daughter chose this person. Think of the situation as thought you are selecting a prospective guy/girl for your son/daughter. If that’s the case, you will give an unbiased analysis right? Why not give the same treatment? All we are saying is if some unknown girl you suddenly bring into your son’s life can take care of him well, there is a better chance that this known girl whom your son wants will put her before him to take a bullet. Please do not bring controversies like caste, community, status and what others will think into picture here. If your son/daughter don’t believe in these stuff, they are gonna outright reject your opinions about this. All you want in life is your child to be happy right? Why should you let it be blotted by such blind beliefs? If a girl of your son’s choice will make him the most happy (Again I am talking about mature good choices), what reason do you have to deny it? Isn’t it the same as you want for him?

All I am saying here is respect your child’s choices. Don’t blindly accept or blindly reject. Present your valid reasons in any case. Ask your son/daughter to present their case. Have an open reasonable talk and I can assure that there will be no issues. Let marriage be the best gift you give to your child, not something you force upon him/her.

For all those people who are wondering who am I to give this gyaan and that I am too young to advise you, here are 2 pointers:

1. This is my opinion and despite my young age, I am a person too. I have opinions too. I might be right or wrong but these are *my* opinions and I have a right to express them.

2. I am not stopping here with writing gyaan post addressed to parents. The youths of this age do a lot of mistakes in approaching this whole marriage pressure, selecting partners of their own choice, convincing their parents that they made a good informed choice and end up hurting their parents. Parents are the most important people for anyone in the world. So I will write a sequel addressed to my peers. So please patiently wait until I put up the sequel post and then rant out. 🙂

Until later 🙂

Silence

April 19, 2013 / / 6 Comments

It was a warm summer. I was enjoying my lazy evening stroll in the apartment lane watching the kids playing in the small park that was inside the apartment space. Seeing the kids play, took me back to a certain memory which I constantly revisited. It was a recurring memory and I did nothing to brush it away or embrace it. I just acknowledged it and maybe that is why I have been able to recollect it so well.

I met her in a bigger park which used to be here instead of the apartments a couple of years ago. One might say it was the only park of the small town where I grew up. I used to haunt the park even after growing up since it offered a sort of tranquility that no other place in the busy town did. She seemed like she was around 6 or 7 years old. She seemed to be alone except for the smaller kid with her, maybe her little brother. I remember wondering where the parents have gone to, leaving the little ones to attend to themselves.

She never spoke one word in the entire time I was there. I tried to ask her name and her kid brother’s name. I offered them chocolates. The little boy had desire in his eyes but did not reach out.  He simply looked at his sister and back to me and then went off to playing on the swings. As for her, she simply looked at me doing nothing else. There was such a quality around those kids that my curiosity could not be controlled. I tried to ask her where her parents were. She turned her eyes away from me but before she did, I caught a glimpse of pain in those soft brown eyes. I was taken aback by the intensity of it. It was then that I wondered if I had touched a raw nerve. A sudden wail brought her attention back to the park. Her brother had fallen down while trying to climb the swing and had hurt himself. I immediately rushed to his side but she outran me. She picked her brother up and checked if he was bleeding. She soothed him by running her hands through his hair. As if on cue, he stopped crying though sobbing slightly. She looked at her bro and then back at me and the chocolates in my hand.  As she held her tiny hand out, I could see her cheeks going red in embarrassment. I handed the chocolates to her and sat beside the kids. On the sight of the chocolates, the little boy’s face broke into a wide grin.  Her eyes changed from embarrassed to grateful.

I asked her where she lived. She pointed at the temple opposite to the park. It was then that the possibility that her parents might have abandoned her and her bro struck me, though I could not imagine for the life of me why or how. The sun started to sink behind the clouds. She picked her bro up and waved good-bye to me and started for the temple. Curiosity got the better of me and I followed her. She noticed it but didn’t tell anything. I even hoped against hope that she could be the daughter of the temple’s pundit or something like that. There was none in the temple except for the elderly pundit. The girl started picking up the flowers that had fallen on the floor from the gulmohar tree standing above the temple while little boy held the basket.

I went over to the pundit and asked about the kids. He smiled and said, “They are god’s children. The little girl’s name is Aavaaz and the little boy’s name is Aakaash. They were abandoned at the entrance of this very temple by people and for reasons unknown. I named them and have taken care of them till now. The girl has taken care of the little one as her own brother ever since. One little thing to add here, the girl is dumb and the boy is deaf. Maybe that’s why they were abandoned. I named her so that at least her name has the sound and I named him so that he could rule the skies at least in his name.’ Saying so, the pundit sighed and left a dumbstruck me to ponder over while he went and started the chores for the evening pooja.

I was jostled back to the present when I heard the evening bell of the temple. My small town had grown so much. The apartments stood where the park was and we had to make do with the smaller park inside the apartment space now. Thank god, at least the temple still stood there in all grandeur. I quickly offered a prayer and took the prasad and went home. My mom opened the door and I asked ‘Where are they?’ As if to answer my question, they came running to me. I gave the prasad to them and kissed them – Aavaaz and Aakaash.

The silence of her voice and the fear that his mind is unreachable were probably what drove their parents away. But they were the same reasons which drew me to them. I was loud enough to reach their minds and their minds were loud enough to reach mine. That was all that mattered.

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This is a suddenly inspired piece of fiction but I cannot totally say that this cannot happen in reality. Such things still happen all over the world and I dedicate this piece to the differently-abled.

Until later 🙂

Double Standards

April 16, 2013 / / 14 Comments

I was standing on the balcony of the plush apartments and stared at the amazing city that spread far and beyond. The sun was slowly going down painting the horizon skies a splash of orange and red. The tall buildings were a splendid sight displaying the grandeur and how much we have developed. I stood basking in that glorious sight.

Then I looked down.

There was a small slum by the side and a gutter was running down the side lane. The garbage was dumped in the empty land opposite to the slum. The road had no lanes and the traffic was heavy. People were driving without a damn about the traffic signal and rules. Some people were riding their 2 wheelers on the pavement. Kids were running across the street not caring to look out for vehicles.

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This is nothing but a vignette written by me to express the irony of our nation. This concept has been nagging my mind for a long time.

And where are the haiku posts you ask? Well, knowing me you should be better off without asking. Anyway, the problem with me is I do not have strong-footed consistency in anything 😈 I look at one thing and get interested and halfway I jump to another thing! I am not saying I won’t write them anymore. (Ajay – You have some consistency man!) I still love the challenge of writing  haiku but I will not confine myself to that. Also, my eyes fell upon this other challenge called A-Z challenge wherein you write a post on any topic but in the alphabetical order. I might also take it up and then again, I might jump ship :mrgreen:

Until later 🙂

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