Ripples of my Reflections

I think, therefore I write

Category: LOVE (page 2 of 10)

Are you suffering from a boring marriage?

Not all marriages are exciting and romantic, does that mean we dismiss them as a failed marriage? I don’t think so. Such marriages maybe a boring one that had lost its glory in the mad race which follows a set milestone path – Get married, Excel in work, Earn loads of money, Buy a house, Procreate, Live for the children and so on. It never ends really. We have seen so many of our previous generation marriages that follow this path without flinching or so much as a care for why they are doing the routine so meticulously. We could have seen this with our parents too. But somewhere in the looking out for each other and striving to build a strong foundation for their off springs, they found their romance and the purpose of their relationship. I still cannot fathom how they did this, but more on that in another post.

However, what ticked me off to write this post is the attitude with which some of us from this generation take marriage. The married couples now, anywhere from 1-5 years of being married, they made me wonder. I am generalizing here, pardon me for that, but I have seen many people, men and women alike, think of the relationship journey to be complete once the marriage is over. They fight, cry and put their lives at stake for getting married to the one they love. But once that sacred knot is tied and the honeymoon period is over, everything is set and the accomplishment gets its closure. They fall back into this routine of working for 5 days, chilling out for 2 days a week and then the same thing all over again. The little surprises, the sweet nothings, the crazy love messages all fade slowly over time. To have a real conversation that didn’t involve paying bills, buying groceries and financial planning for the future becomes a challenge that is more daunting with each passing day.

Both men and women are to blame for this, for it takes two to make or break a relationship – be it marriage or any other relation for that matter. I have seen some crazily love struck men turn into someone who has a relationship only with their mobiles or laptops after marriage. They don’t bother to help the wife with the household work, even when they can. That’s purely out of habit. Eventually, the same woman who had spent so much time dressing for her guy and planning the biggest surprise for his birthday now does not have time for him. She gets neck deep in the routine of running the household and balancing her career at the same time. She does not let go of certain things to prioritize the time spent with her husband.

While life is always a rat race, this time lost will never come back. 10-20 years into marriage, we would have become so comfortable with the monotony that things would go about the same way without a blink. But where and when the stars vanished, one would wonder! We are the generation who have come leaps and bounds from where our parents were. We are the ones who explored love as an individual emotion and not just a mandatory feeling that we must feel towards the person our parents married us to. Be it arranged or love marriage, the term relationship got redefined more with our generation’s attitude and thinking. Then why is this still happening?

Small things – A hug and a I love you every day without one eye on the TV/laptop, even a hurried kiss as we rush off to work, a phone call from the midst of nowhere just to say sweet nothings, a little birthday surprise, a sudden shopping spree, a quiet holiday without checking the mail every other minute, a little time entirely devoted to the spouse – even if it is just 10 mins, having meals together at the dining table and not in front of the TV, listening to the rants of the other, taking time to help the other with their work – be it household chore or something else, cleaning up without being told, listening to favorite songs together, a simple candle lit dinner when there’s a blackout… There are so many things that one can do, to say I love you.

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Even the simplest of the things can transform into some of the most romantic moments we have ever had, if only we take the time to notice. For example, I take it upon myself to find something to make from scratch and gift it to my husband. Not just for birthdays, but for every occasion. He has umpteen gadgets and I know he will hoard that a little more, but he can buy that for himself. But the birthday cards, the 365 jar filled with love notes, the key ring with those dangling little hearts – those he cannot buy anywhere, for they are filled with my love.

Love manifests in a million ways and more. There is no need to stick to a routine and forget ourselves. Just being there, ticking our minutes and hours away is not the job of a human being, but of an inanimate clock. We have so much love within, but very few take the time to express and explore. Others just let it gather dust and rust away in time.

In spite of all this, I find that the foundation is mutual respect on each other. The day the respect is lost is the day the marriage/relationship fails. So build on that respect, find that love which we clung to once upon a time. In fact, if we reminisce, we will find that it was not that long ago we felt that the purpose of our life is that single person and that the world revolved around him/her.

It’s time to change and to notice, all that we have been neglecting. Dust ourselves up and live a little more with our loved ones and not just with the gadgets lying around. Let’s be smart instead of our phones being so! Everyone can have a great wedding – you just need money for that, but what really counts is a great marriage.

And a successful marriage requires falling in love many times over, with the same person!

Until later 🙂

Images Courtesy: geniusquotes.org

Aditi

Dedication: Adit, this one’s for you

***

Krti looked at the bangles jingling on her arm, the rainbow of colors that erupted. Each reminded her of Adit in its unique way, bringing a little more light into her life. Even as it was happening bit by bit, she could see what he was doing to her and her life. Refreshing, enlightening and redefining, all at the same time. She smiled at the thought of his silly question that morning -“Aditi, why do you love me?” And without waiting for her to answer, he followed up -“How much do you love me?”. She smiled at him and asked, “Why these silly questions now?”. He pouted like a kid and replied, “I just wanna know”. All she did in reply was to ask him to get into the shower as it was getting late.

Now thinking back, she smiled to herself as she remembered how specially he pronounced Aditi – his pet name for her, derived from his name Adit. And as she thought about it, she realized his question had the answer within and wondered if he hadn’t realized it yet. She looked down at her bangles and reminisced how he had loved the look and sound of them on her arm. He had insisted on buying them even as she felt they were too expensive for their worth. Each bangle shone with a different color and reached out to her in a different way. And in that moment’s inspiration, she decided to let Adit have the answer. She sat down and started writing.

“The golden yellow speaks of your happiness
While the sky blue brings out your kindness
The dull grey establishes your laziness
And the stubborn black paints your strong spirit
The flashy silver gives away your dazzling smile
A carved out orange in line with your outgoing nature
The fresh green wakes me up to your confidence
Red makes me smile thinking of your childlike anger
And my favorite purple speaks volumes of your trust in me

All of them my favorites, just like each part of you
I can never pick one trait of you to tell you
Why I love you or how much. I just love you
Our love shines through all these colors
And then it shines some more
It is this forever that we dreamed of
And it is the same forever we are living now
Whatever life gives us, I promise,
It will always be this forever that we’ll have
Limitless eternity at heart, one with the soul
There stops the measure, making it boundless
Just like you named me – Aditi*.”

*Aditi means limitless, boundless

Until later 🙂

P.S: Part fiction and part non-fiction.

Image Courtesy: flickr.com

Bittersweet

I didn’t think that I would be able to do 2 consecutive posts for the AtoZChallenge going on, without compromising on what I want to write rather than what I should write for the letter of the day. And that is the exact reason why I created my own AtoZ series of posts over a year. Yet, here I am writing the second consecutive post. Blame it on the gap between my posts or on my heart’s persistent urge to title the post on this particular topic as ‘Bittersweet’. Any which way, here goes:

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Have you ever loved anyone? Or has anyone ever loved you enough to make you feel like you were the only person in the world? And did you succeed in that love or fail, pick yourself up and move on? Yes, love is my focus here. But it is not above how elating or crazy or blind love is. I am here to write about how bittersweet love is. Yes, of all the adjectives the English language provides us, I feel this one does justice to the feeling. Allow me to recount the experience that inspired this post. A very good friend of mine was in a relationship with a girl from a different religion. They always knew that the religion thing will get in the way from the start but something kept them going. We were all very intrigued as to how they are going to face such a stark difference in this society and make their love a success. They both had very charming personalities and were such a lovely couple too.

In a few months, we had become friends with the girl even though we didn’t share workplaces and started addressing her as though she was his wife. They were confident in their love and we were too. Time passed and the usual pressure at the girl’s house started. She had a younger sister too which didn’t make things easier. The same way, the guy had a younger sister whom he had to marry off before he could even think of his marriage. Well, things happened and needless to say, the only way out was that of a mutual break-up. They opted for that and parted ways with no hard feelings. They tried, cried and somehow managed to move on. As days passed ,I lost touch with them both except for the occasional call or two from my friend. I could never get in touch with her because believe it or not, it gets awkward. Obviously, I got to know her only because I was his friend and so talking to me would invariably loop around him. And many such reasons happened and we lost touch for no good reason. However, I could never delete her from my contacts. Every time I looked at her name, I didn’t just remember her or him. I remembered them and what could have been, a really beautiful life for 2 of my friends filled with overwhelming love.

Recently, I happened to look at her name as I was scrolling through my contacts and saw her profile pic. It was a pic of her with her husband on her wedding day. I paused for a moment and tried to swallow. I couldn’t. My heart felt so heavy. I was wondering why I was feeling so bad about this when they themselves have moved on and started a new phase of their lives. And it’s been like a couple of years since they broke up. Still I was not consoled. I continued to stare at her profile pic and her smiling pose. A 1000 questions raced through my mind – Is she happy? Can you move on completely from such a wonderful love and that too the first one at that? Does she remember the happy times with him and us? It would be very judgmental on my part if I expected her not to move on and marry someone else and I understood that perfectly. I never judged either of them for one moment. They had their reasons and even more who am I to judge them for deciding that what they thought would work out was a mistake? They were very mature about it and parted without hurting anyone except themselves. No, that is not my problem. My problem is the what-could-have-been. My problem is because of religion, the concept of love took a hit here. Ironically religion claims that the basis is love when it is taught to all of us. What we miss out is that love comes with conditions – love another of the same religion. same community, same caste, same status. But that love which was crushed didn’t come with  conditions, it was just simply beautiful and bittersweet.

Until later 🙂

P.S: I know I missed out on the Action Replay for March but there was nothing eventful except work during March and I didn’t think it would as interesting to you as it was to me. So the post for that series will visit you at the dawn of May.

January : Gearing up

Here goes the month of January 2015 in our anniversary year, the final month followed by the big reveal of what I gifted hubby today :)

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Dear Adit,

New year started out quite well but we were in different places when the clock struck 12. Well, I blame destiny for it. We had to make do with the phone calls that started a bit before 12 so that no one else wishes us a happy new year before each of us could wish the other. It reminded me of all those late night phone calls with which we survived during college days 🙂

You joined your new job and I missed all our IM conversations, our lunch and fights over who is making it late for work everyday. We had made personalized calendars with some of our memories on display for each month. It came out so well that we made one each for adorning our work stations 🙂 I kept looking back at how different life was one year back. All the tension surrounding the marriage, the arrangements for the marriage, phew! We can safely say we have never had such an exhausting phase so far in our lives. It made me question all the societal norms and the associated hype about having to get married to be with the one you love.

The month gave me a parting gift in the form of a blogger meet arranged by Indiblogger and ASUS. I was so thrilled and you were ever so encouraging. It was my first meet ever and the experience had me rambling about the bloggers I met, the activities that we participated in, for the next couple of days. As January picked up pace, so did our lives and we geared up and are all set for another exciting year together.

On the whole, January was back in style to show us that life maybe unfair, but it’s good nevertheless!

And did I tell you? I love you 😉

Love,

Wifey

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This ends the series of love letters that I have been writing to my hubby as a gift for our wedding anniversary. So far, despite being a Monday and having to work, the day has been a good one for us. I made Gulab Jamun all by myself for the very first time and all our colleagues happily gobbled them up. But being a newbie, I didn’t know how much to make and ended up making twice the number than we actually need. So right now I have a huge box of Gulab Jamuns left tempting me to forget my weight woes and give myself a treat.

We took off a couple of hours from work in the afternoon for a lunch date 😉 And the evening awaits us with its magic. I got a Kindle Paperwhite from hubby long back which was technically supposed to be our anniversary gift. So today’s gift was a gorgeous Kundan jewelry set 😀 And here’s my gift to him, I saw this one on twitter and was hooked to the idea – The 365 jar! It appealed to me as extremely romantic. And moreover, it’s not a gift that’d get over in one day. It’s a gift of sorts everyday till our next anniversary.

tumblr_nhvuouECVW1u25jz6o1_500Image source: tumblr.com

When I thrust this into his hands first thing today morning, all he could do in his drowsy state was stare at it wordlessly. But I am not the one to let go without a reaction, hence I prodded him awake and demanded what he thought of it and you know what he said? It’s so like you!! I was like, “do I take this as a compliment or an insult?” And his reply was “As a compliment, of course!”  And that’s all I am ever gonna need my love 🙂

Until later 🙂

P.S: This also counts as my action replay post for January since this is pretty much that happened!

December : The kick-back month

Here goes the month of December 2014 in our anniversary year, number 11 on the list 🙂

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Dear Adit,

The month was a refreshing break for both of us. We were already enjoying what would be our short stint together in the same company. It was very comfortable to have you ping over the IM and have lunch together. Even though we had a very interesting year together, it went by fast and by December, we were wondering where all the days went by.

Remember how with days passing by, I missed my nephew so much and consoled myself seeing him attempt the adorable air-kicks that he was practicing on Skype? We also had our annual shut down at the end of the month. It was my first kind, I had been working in companies where there was no shut-down. we enjoyed the vacation at Trichy and got all the relaxation we wanted. We also got your health check-up and bless our stars, everything was okay. How glad were we!

The biggest surprise of the month was you getting a Kindle for me, preponing the anniversary gift by a leaping 2 months, just because I was pouting for a gift during Christmas. Finally, the kindle search materialized for us! Anyway, without much ado, our December passed by and we have stepped into the new year with high hopes – moving into our new flat, career achievements and stuff like that!

And did I tell you? I love you 😉

Love,

Wifey

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Until later 🙂

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