I think, therefore I write

Tag: Daughter

Recreating memories

By this post, you would know that my interest in cooking is fairly recent. It still is a chore for me on most days but I manage to get by knowing that I can cook up a delicious meal, when needed. Anyway, as I made my way through different dishes from amma’s culinary repertoire, trying one at a time, I realized that the newly discovered interest has a backstory after all. One that’s so obvious that I am surprised that I missed it.

I miss my mom and her cooking.

Though this has happened when I first moved out from home to my hostel, then dealing with various cuisines of PG food (ugh!) throughout my spinster life and so on. I have missed amma’s cooking earlier too but that was different. This time, with each of us locked in different cities in the pandemic, it’s been a while since mom got a chance to pamper me and my daughter I got a dose of her pampering. It’s amazing how she never gets bored with cooking and always has the energy to cook up something delicious.

Anyway, this week as I tried my hand at making Vaazhaipoo urundai (A type of falafel made from banana flower), Vaazhaithandu adai (A patty with banana stem – a variant of the first dish), paruppu dosai (My favorite dish with coconut chutney, always ready when I visit home from hostel), Mushroom curry fry, Masala dosa and many more of mom’s signature dishes, the aromas wafting through my kitchen reminded me of my childhood memories, particularly around food that I enjoyed the most as I grew up. I could just close my eyes and see amma working her way around in that dingy kitchen of the monumental house that I grew up in.

Amma in the kitchen was the norm for us. I was a pathetic daughter who didn’t help around much, I did an odd chore here or there but that was it. Yes, I do feel bad that I didn’t do more for her. I would ask her why she keeps at it and how she is not bored day after day, doing the same chore and she would reply, “You enjoy the food, right?” I couldn’t imagine the level of selflessness it took to have that attitude, even if it is for one’s own daughter.

For more than 30 years, she has never tired of the kitchen and cooking. Every time I cook something, my mind automatically compares it with amma’s. The comfort of childhood memories with amma combined with the comfort of food just makes my heart fill with content to the brim. That’s probably what made the experience better for me with time – else I was unhappy that I had to work to develop the interest unlike amma for whom it just came naturally.

Of course, there is a benefactor to all this – my daughter. She is happy that she is getting a variety of dishes as opposed to the mundane routine of rice and sambhar. I don’t think I’ll ever get over amma’s cooking, no matter how old I get. I hope my daughter retains some of these memories as nostalgia when she’s all grown up. I am surprised that she, unlike me, shows an interest in cooking and household chores at such an young age. She loves sitting in the kitchen and watching me cook. And narrating the recipe to her as I cook does make the chore less boring. Sometimes, I put on music and we do a bit of dancing jumping around as well.

So if my daughter looks back at one of these evenings and thinks of it as fondly as I think of my mom in the kitchen, I’d consider it my greatest reward.

Until later đŸ™‚

P.S: Maybe, I should start posting some recipes. Lemme think about it.

Lessons taught by my daughter

As expected, dear daughter started life lessons for me from day 1 although it might have taken a while for me to accept and embrace that. I confess, I did not embrace motherhood gracefully. Honestly, I didn’t expect myself to. I know that I would make a drama, go through all kinds of emotional waves and then resign to the fact that this is yet another thing in life that I cannot plan or control. And that’s what I did. We had our fair share of troubles in these early months of 2018. Handling them along with taking care of the baby was no piece of cake. It was hard. I tried, I cried, then I slogged through the times.

Anyway, the little one taught me some lessons with an air of casual nonchalance – most of which I know but find it hard to accept and embrace:

Every day, every moment is unpredictable and I cannot plan for it. No matter how much I plan, whatever is gonna happen will happen. This is something that is very hard for me to accept and I still do the mistake of planning things too much in advance and then remind myself that it is not going to be my way.

No one said life is easy. Most of all, no one said parenting is easy. It is difficult but people say it is worth it. I am trying not to think about the returns on this one because I have a feeling that parenting is much more than that. Doing something selflessly is what I think is the lesson here.

No matter what I do, what I think, the little one is going to do what she wants. The same thing happens with all relationships too. There is no use setting standards for people and expecting them to behave the way we want them to.

There are things you like, things you don’t, and then things that you loathe. No matter what it is, you gotta do it when life expects you to. There are certain things in life where you don’t get to back out.

And finally, be happy and do what you want. If you wanna cry, cry. If you wanna laugh, laugh. Do whatever the hell you want and live life. There’s no reason not to.

Until later đŸ™‚

If tomorrow comes

“Ammmmmmmma!” Little Rithika’s excited voice reached Madhuri’s ears. She jumped up with joy and ran to greet her daughter who was back from school. Rithika jumped into her mother’s lap and started narrating her day’s experience in great detail. This was their daily ritual and both the mother and the daughter delighted immensely in it. As Madhuri watched Rithu’s vivid narrations, she couldn’t help thinking about how life is going to take shape for them, from the next day. How would Rithika react when she realizes what’s going on?

The sun was setting in its orange glory and the last light of the day left Madhuri wishing that tomorrow should never come. She hugged her daughter tightly.

Vikas was going to be at her doorstep the next morning, to take their daughter away from her. Apparently, a girl doesn’t need her mother – a court had decided that. And all it took Vikas to sway the court’s decision in his favor were a few bundles of money – which he had in plenty and she didn’t.

Until later đŸ™‚

Image source: sciencenordic.com