Ripples of my Reflections

I think, therefore I write

Tag: Life (Page 6 of 15)

Love vs Ego

May 25, 2016 /

One particular episode of the debate show “Neeya Naana” in Star Vijay TV is the reason behind this post. The debate was between a section of parents and daughters who disagreed over love marriage. The reasons of the disagreement were many, but there were some shocking revelations to me.

There was one parent who was of the opinion that honor killing is the right punishment for those who marry into another caste. I never thought a parent can honestly believe that his/her daughter would be better dead than marry into another caste. There was another parent whose arguments were torn apart by her daughter, but still wouldn’t agree that marrying for love could be a right thing. The daughter asked her mom – “If I commit suicide because I couldn’t marry the guy I love, is that fine with you?” And her mom’s reply was – “I would rather have you dead or remain a spinster and stay with me, than accept someone you choose.” Much ego? Shocking!

The debate had all the usual arguments from both sides and it was pretty much predictable that the parents’ ego and how the society will treat them if they accept love marriages, especially cross-caste ones, was the main problem. But the most shocking revelation for me was from the daughters who were arguing for their right to love and marry the guy they loved. At the end of the show, Gopinath, the host, asked them this – “All this said, will your parents be able to change your mind to abandon the one you love and marry you off to someone they choose?”

I expected the girls to say a big NO. However, except one, everyone answered YES, albeit hesitantly. So that’s how strong you are in your belief of love and love marriages? I agree there is an emotional blackmail quotient, there is respect for your parents, you don’t want to hurt your family etc. But what about that decision you took to be with someone for the rest of your life? If your decision is this weak, there is no mistake on your parents’ part to suspect that this is a passing cloud and think that love doesn’t last. You have no right to blame your parents for not trusting you and your choice when you cannot defend your choice even for an hour.

To be clear, I am not asking anyone to elope. I am not asking anyone to resort to absurd decisions like suicide. Can’t we stand our ground and fight for something we believe is our life, soul and breath? I agree there are some cases where eloping is the only option or else you will get killed. I agree there are some situations when you are forced to move out and marry on your own. Exceptions are always there but giving up before even trying? That was something that disturbed me after watching that show.

Having known love and faced all the usual drama that comes with a love marriage, I tell this from my personal experience – There is no excuse for abandoning a true love just because you were too cowardly to defend it. Also, there is no excuse to abandon your parents when there exists even a remote chance that you can stand there and fight for your choice of life, that someday they might understand. Do not give up of either of them so easily. They both are priceless and precious. We might not know the value now, but when you look back at your life, you better have the right regrets than the wrong ones that make you feel like you cannot live with yourself.

And parents, caste? ego? Please, we have argued enough on this. Let’s rise above these petty things, that’s all I can request for. If there is a reason for you opposing your child’s choice of love and spouse, it better be something real to do with the welfare of your child.

Until later 🙂

Two sides

May 10, 2016 /

People who love to stay indoors will never get the thrill of adventures that have stories to tell, memories to sell and that rush of blood about exploring new things and places.

And people who love travelling will never get the peace that arises in being content about that one moment to just be where you are and enjoy that single moment in the entire expanse of time.

The two sides of a coin, the two sides of life!

A mindless ritual

April 17, 2016 /

Image Source: Pinterest

Image Source: Pinterest

So many reasons to give up, but
She chooses to stay every time.
All the while she fears, oh, how she fears,
The inevitable fear that the moment,
When the reasons to stay will tempt her,
To give up, to say, enough is enough.

A smile, a kiss, a brush of hair,
To remind her of what they once were.
A hand to help, a shoulder to cry on,
To show that life cannot leech out love.
It’s not fair to have had so much
Yet, there’s so little left now.

Over & over, the cycle goes on,
As if in repeat mode, pain, loneliness, fear
Replaced by hope, faith and belief.
As a circle that never ends.
As a path that never goes anywhere.
A mindless ritual for the soul!

Until later 🙂

Back with a new beginning

August 9, 2015 / / 16 Comments

Yes, I am back! Don’t ask me where I was or what I was doing the entire July. No, don’t even start thinking of asking me. Because, though I am familiar with Murphy’s law and his infamous life tricks, what I didn’t realize was that he has a patented right to rule over your life when you are planning something big. Yes, I finally shifted to my own place and kinda slowly winding down like that toy car which is on the last turn of the key. I had wound up myself pretty much to the breaking point before I started this entire shifting houses thing and that and only that helped me last this long. Only that helped me face the pretty things that Murphy dropped along my way.

1. You can be a perfectionist planning everything to the last detail. You can write down literally everything to the minute that you are going to do. You can be the God of check-lists. Still you will be left with a hoard of stuff to do, glaring at your face.

2. When you are shifting houses, especially to a new place which has to be set up from the scratch, you better start the de-cluttering process months before. Otherwise, you will be neck-deep in the junk vs usable filtering process and at the same time running around to set up the new place.

3. Once you move in to your new place, don’t expect things to settle down. Everyday some or the other thing will come up to greet you in the morning and to make the day a lousy one.

4. The best of all learning, moving into a new house of your own only means more work. The cleaning, dusting, arranging, rearranging will just eat your time up. There will be nothing else.

5. And hence anything that can go wrong will go wrong. In all aspects of life.

Despite all this, this entire moving to a new house has been a huge learning experience for me. The retrospective view that I got during this experience was indeed an eye opening one. I learnt to differentiate between people who genuinely help and those who just give sound advice. I learnt that being posted to Hyderabad for my first job was not as bad after all. The Telugu I learnt there has helped in ways I never thought it would. My broken Hindi was repaired to some extent, thanks to my carpenter who bore all my lingual mistakes and still understood what I was trying to tell him.

Amidst all the chaos, we finally moved into our new place and set it up. I know that this feeling of achievement will soon be replaced by one of a long sigh that signals exasperation. But I also know this signals another milestone in our life, a new life, a new beginning… Here’s to a new place and a new start. Cheers!

New-Beginning-Pictures-5Image Source: quotesfans.com

Until later 🙂

P.S: My reader is overflowing with unread posts, give me sometime to be back in action, will ya? 🙂

Forlorn beauty

June 21, 2015 / / 6 Comments

I had written a post earlier about how we tend to forget what a marriage is beyond that wedding day or maybe once the honeymoon period is over. What pushed me to write that post was the number of people I met, who were once love-struck and couldn’t stay away from each other even for a minute yet turned into zombies living the routine once the wedding was over.

When I was writing that post, my thoughts ran to the marriages that we see in the elder generation, maybe consider a couple of generations back – Your grandparents. What about them? They never had a choice, for the most part. Their parents decided the groom/bride, the date, the location of the wedding and then how to live after the wedding too. All they were told was to do their job – which was to show up as told and live as told. Once the marriage was over, the man was to take care of his wife, procreate and continue to provide for the wife and kids for the rest of his life. While on the other hand, the woman went about the house, turning it into a home, satisfying the needs of the husband, and then the kids as they came along. Such was their life.

On the outside, it does look like a programmed life without any bugs – Even if there was ever one, the bug was quickly pushed aside with such deftness that there was never a second thought about how to live life. However, when I look closer, I see a different version than the one that we imagine their lives to be. Somewhere in between getting acquainted with a stranger and settling down in life with him/her, there blooms a sweet romance. They wouldn’t call that romance and would rather call that understanding and fulfilling one’s duties. However, I would insist on calling that romance to do justice to what they manage to build in the span of their years together.

For the sake of painting a better picture, I am giving an example here – Adit’s maternal grandparents. They had a beautiful marriage of 60+ years (I am not sure of the exact number) until recently when grandpa passed away. I have witnessed their relationship up close, even if it was only for a few months. I still cannot comprehend the enormity of what they shared. In all those years of getting to know each other and forming a routine, they had added a little more care and respect all along the way. The understanding that comes with knowing how he likes the food and the respect that come with what she needs to run the household without being told explicitly. They followed an impeccable discipline which they passed onto their 4 kids. Towards the last few years of his life, Grandpa’s memory started failing him and he had turned into a child who would ask the same question over and over. And grandma would answer the question every single time, with the same smile on her face and in the same soft tone as she always does. When he forgot things like his food and medicine timings, she cared for him as she would for an infant. When he threw silly tantrums about the clock not working or the TV behaving weirdly, she patiently told him that she will get them repaired and she did. Every single time.

themetapicture

When you see such people, it just reinstates the faith in marriage even for a person who doesn’t quite believe in the institution of marriage. They have been through it all, seen it all, and lived it all. Together. When a man is 60 years old and in a marriage, we do the Sashtiapthapoorthi*  to celebrate their time together. But would any amount of celebration do justice for a marriage that has lived for 60 years? I have often wondered why the celebration is centered around the man’s age rather than the age of the marriage he is in. Their marriage spoke volumes of trust and faith you could have in your spouse. The mutual respect shines through all those years, unblemished. Witnessing this kind of a relationship which shines with love that was never acknowledged by anyone left me in wonder. When they, who had no choice about their life partner, built such a beautiful marriage, why are we struggling to hold up a relationship, when we have all the choices in the world? Why is it that couples of this generation stand in line at family courts, when they were the ones who chose their spouses?

love-story-old-love-quote-together-Favim.com-542203

Marriages live beyond the lives of the people involved and tell their tales. Even after grandpa passed away, grandma lives in that same house with his memory for company, refusing her children’s requests to come live with them. The forlorn beauty that meets me every time I visit grandma and see the garlanded picture of grandpa is something that inspired me to write this post. And the same melody I hear from their silent love is what inspires me to love more and live more.

*Sashtiapthapoorthi is a matrimonial celebration when the man reaches 60 years old. The base for this tradition is to revive the memories and taste of the good old days for the old couple when they started their marriage because with time, they get used to living for their kids than for themselves.

Until later 🙂

Image Credits: All the images used were picked up from Google search
« Older posts Newer posts »

No plagiarism, please!

Please link back when you refer/use any media/content that I own, in your website. Let’s not encourage plagiarism, there’s enough trouble in the world as it is.

© 2025 Ripples of my Reflections

Theme by Anders Noren — Up ↑