The trail you left lingered in the air
As beautiful as the star dust
And the decor of the magical night sky
With the blinking stars and shooting comets
It all reminds me of that sweet memory
When nothing else mattered than
Your voice, your honey coated voice
Kindling a wave of serendipitous nostalgia
Eons of time passed, without a pause
Yet, here I am and there you are
Separated by time and space
Like a lovelorn moon and the high tide
Trying to reach its lover but failing in vain
Still, I will wait for the day I hear your voice again
Even when I know that might never happen
For I can never give up on waiting for you
For now, your memory will suffice
For my heart to rest and for me to dream on…
I have heard enough cliches when it comes to change. Often in life, we all take a bold step and accept some change in our lives, albeit grudgingly. We have trouble accepting any change because we get neck deep in our comfort zones and don’t want to move. But when we stop and look back, all those changes we embraced were for a good reason. But more often than not, we do not acknowledge this enlightenment that retrospect showers us with. When I saw this topic #StartANewLife campaigned by housing.com, there were many things I wanted to write about. Love, Attitude, Career, Religious belief and otherwise etc. I am choosing a select couple out of many such things in my life to tell the world how I accepted change and how it changed my life.
My first job took me to an alien city – Hyderabad. When I heard where I was posted after training, my heart sank into my stomach. For one, I had my parents to assure that it is safe and that I can manage. Next, my heart was in Bangalore where Adit had got posted. Then I had my own insecurities to deal with. I set about preparing to go to Hyderabad with fears in my heart and tears in my eyes. It took all my courage to not quit my job then and there and return home. It was my first job and I didn’t want to be a quitter at the first step. With a heavy heart, I accepted what life had given me and set foot in the city.
What happened in the next 20 months was a lesson to me. I learnt a lot from that life. The city gave me so many things – A new language, lot of new friends, an entirely different culture and environment, the ability to withstand pathetic food at PG, the ability to adapt, the patience to figure out things and a lot more. I left the city when finally my transfer came through. When I think back now, I have nothing but good memories about the place. The reason I still needed a transfer out of that place was the sheer distance from home and more importantly, Adit’s office didn’t have his division in Hyderabad. So the onus of moving was on me to be together. Otherwise, I had no qualms about the place. This phase changed my outlook towards life. Ever since, when I feel that I am in a pickle, I remind myself that in retrospect I will be feeling a lot better about it and that I have to just give it time.
I have always wanted to live in a house owned by me. Rented houses were never for me, not to mention nosy owners,ever increasing rentals and compromises that come along with the fact that one cannot have everything. However, buying a house was always a daunting step for me given the cost of real estate these days. So I kept on dreaming about owning one but never had the courage to step into it. Finally, around the time I got married my dad encouraged me (in fact, he pressed me hard) to take the step. I wasn’t sure even then but then jumped into it with a rush of adrenaline telling me that it’s now or never. And I am glad I did.
The place will be ready in a few months and I cannot be happier that I stood up to it. I wouldn’t say it is all rosy because a lot of responsibilities came along with the house. The financial arrangements, budgeting were and are still a nightmare. But I don’t regret it one bit. Even if I had decided later on to buy a house, I would have to go through the same thing. Maybe even worse since real estate values only shoot up with every passing day. With this big step, my outlook towards being responsible and finances has changed. I have become a lot more responsible about my expenses. Yes, I am not yet as perfect as my parents who never wasted a single penny. But I am working towards it. I am reaching there, one step at a time.
Image Source: Pinterest
There are many more such incidents that changed my life. All of you would have had such experiences too. Every incident conveys the same point – Embrace the change and start a new life. Over and over many times. Each time, it will not only be a little better but it will also start making sense to you. You can see the big picture forming out of the small pieces, like a jigsaw puzzle. Whenever you feel down, remember – One piece at a time and the puzzle will be solved in no time.
Until later 🙂
This post is for the #StartANewLife campaign by housing.com. Watch the video to know more.
I sat still with only the silence for company. The door is ajar, just as you left it. The silence is deafening like never before. There have been more silences in my life, all courtesy me, but never anything like this. There were a million thoughts that raced through my mind but none were voiced. The last image in my eyes was that of you leaving. The image kept playing over and over in my mind like an endless movie, like a forlorn song that had gone on repeat mode. I didn’t even try to shut it out. I couldn’t bother too. Oh, what is that I really wanted to say to you? When you were walking away, there were so many things I had to say to you, but I stood there just watching you leave. All my thoughts and words lost their meaning as you shut the metaphoric door between us. How come there’s a door to shut between us?
Did I want to say that I still love you?
Or did I want to say I should have never loved you?
Did I want to tell you to stay?
Or did I want to tell you to get lost for good?
Did I want to say that all love is not lost between us?
Or did I want to say that there was never any love to begin with?
Did I want to say that I had gotten used to the silences?
Or did I want to say that I couldn’t take them any more?
Did I want to say Thank you for all that you gave me?
Or did I want to say Thank you for ruining my life?
Did I want to say that I now understood love?
Or did I want to say that I still think love is bullshit?
What is it that I really wanted to say? I wished you had the ability to read my mind as a silent tear made its way down my cheeks. I was and still am a messed up soul and you knew it. You took me with the hope that you will be able to make the mess right with your love. I was skeptical but I had unknowingly started growing on you. The silence around me in your absence stands solid proof of that. So you had indeed worked the magic on me. The magic of love! But then why did you leave? Or why did I make you leave? Couldn’t you take any more of my cynicism, my sarcasm and my detachment? I guess that’d be it. Who could stand years of neglect clinging on to just hope that I’d believe some day? I don’t blame you.
I noticed that the day had passed only when the darkness crept in. I realized that there was never another hope of a dawn for me. Especially with you gone… A sob escaped my lips and I was surprised when it resonated back to me. My head jerked up as if in reflex and my eyes turned to the doorway with the door still ajar. It was the same as in the morning except for one difference. The difference being you standing there leaning on the door with tears in your eyes. I thought you leaving had me hallucinating. But as you came close to me and cupped my face in your hands, I started believing. And your words that followed stunned me, “Why could you not just let the inhibitions go? Why could you not express the love that you have got in you? Why couldn’t you stop holding back for once? Why could you not stop me leaving? Let it go for me, please…” As you spoke and as the realization that you never had the intention of leaving dawned on me, I let go. Then and there. All my inhibitions. All the words that were racing through my mind. All the tears I had withheld in me. And then I knew exactly what I really wanted to say. And I did – “I love you”.
I was sitting in the last row of the auditorium, waiting for the orientation session to begin. Among all the others seated in front of me, a gang of girls caught my attention. They were very noisy right from the start and the comments they were passing on each other were quite funny. From what I heard, I could clearly get that they were freshers right out of college. After a while, their topic of discussion turned to what I knew it would – Finding handsome guys from the lot and assessing them. How many times I have seen college girls do this! And it never gets boring to get the variety of views that rush through these teen minds. It never fails to take me back to those days when I was one of them.
By this time the presenters of the various sessions of the orientation were in and were making arrangements. The guy who was preparing the projector was Kashyap or so his ID card said and he was the then topic of the girls. The discussion went on as:
Divya: “Hey! Look at him, Is this how you come for a presentation?”. Sneha: “What’s wrong with him? He looks good to me.” Priyanka: “Are you mad? Just a formal dress doesn’t make you good to go for a presentation. Look at his unshaven face, gives him a lost look.”
Ria: Right, You know I have been in the college students’ council for 4 years and I have never seen any guy come like this for a meeting or a presentation.”
The argument continued and as I listened on I could detect that girls take beards too seriously in men. I stifled my laughter and continued to eavesdrop.
Divya: Even among us, only you think being unshaven is cool. And I know that you think that on an informal note. (Winks) Sneha: (Teasingly) Oh ho, so you are taking that line? You think I didn’t see you making eyes at that other guy? Uh.. What’s his name? I can’t see properly. (Leaning to see to his ID card) Ria: You have gone blind. His name is Anurag and what’s with Divya and him? I didn’t notice. Sneha: You are the blind one, she’s been looking at him ever since he entered. But I can bet my life that she only likes his looks because of his clean-shaven look. Divya: What’s wrong with that? As long as we are assessing by the looks, I would say I am right. Priyanka: Look at your guts. But, I too agree that Anurag looks way better because he doesn’t have a beard. If only Kashyap had shaved, sigh! Ria: (Sternly) Shameless! Does any of you remember that we are not in a park but in an orientation for joining our company? All the girls giggling together in chorus : (Teasingly) Ok Ma’m! Sorry Ma’m. Ria: Shut up you guys!
As I looked at my watch, I realized it was time for the session to start. The orientation session went well and during our habitual chai time after the long day, Kashyap nudged me “Come on, Anusha! I won the bet, didn’t I? Isn’t that why Anurag is dodging me?”. I couldn’t contain it anymore. I started laughing out loud and amidst laughter, I explained how Kashyap lost his bet and became the clown of the circus because of his ill-wagered bet. Kashyap and Anurag were my best friends since school and fortunately we were in the same company and represented different sections of the company to new hires on the day of induction. They both had a silly bet of the role of beard in a guy’s appearance and had come to me for mediation. While I thought it was silly of them, I was interested in making a game out of it. I took the back seat before the session started, blending in as one of the new hires and was able to get public opinion about what current teens thought about the subject.
After I finished my narration of the entire conversation among the girls to a rather red-faced Kashyap, we dragged him to Barbeque nation for the treat he owed us.
Until later 🙂
This post is a part of #WillYouShave activity at BlogAdda in association with Gillette. And I am not tagging anyone now as I am already a late bird 🙂
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