I think, therefore I write

Tag: Unrequited love


Out of all the ways to get drunk, 
I chose to get drunk on you
And your memories

I do admit, it's an incredible way
To get high, high on the emotions
And the way you made me feel

I laughed right in the face of closure
And didn't even bother moving on
Surprisingly, no regrets there

I liked the trance, the trance of feeling
How I wanted to feel, how it felt to feel
The desire, going wild with no reigns

 Even now, it's like age old wine
 All it takes is a tiny sip
 To get intoxicated once again

Until later 🙂


Disclaimer: This is not a movie review. This is about the impact a movie had on me.

The reviews had promised me a good movie with ’96. So I pretty much started watching it with that expectation. What I was completely unprepared for was the soulfulness and depth in the movie. The movie is so simple and realistic that it could have happened to me. Trisha and Vijay Sethupathi have done a fantastic job. Vijay Sethupathi more so. The question of what could have been coupled with the heavy musical notes evoke emotions unforeseen. The pain, the nostalgia, the simplicity – all of them make the movie incredibly credible. Good movies always impact me more than necessary, but no movie made me believe that it could have happened/could happen to me like this one did.

Govind Vasantha has let the music speak for itself. The tones keep ringing in my ears even after the movie is over. I watched this movie on a Friday and I found myself going back to it multiple times over the weekend. In search of what? I don’t know. Do I want the love to be requited in some way? Do I want to see them have some form of closure? Do I want to revel in that longing? I don’t know. This movie might have impacted me because I had a childhood sweetheart. But I married him. So I know only about what it’s meant to be. But this movie showed me that there can be it’s-not-meant-to-bes in life and that it could have easily happened to me if not for destiny.

The if-only’s were too painful for me. So many chances, yet all of them slipped through the fingers. For what end? I am not sure whether Ram and Jaanu got closure as they tearfully move on from their evening. But I sure didn’t. That’s the reason I find myself going back to the movie, searching for something that does not exist in that story – Closure.

The lone tear drop

Mudra closed her eyes, a vain attempt to make the tears go the other way round. But she has never succeeded much,either way a lone tear drop cascades through her cheeks that were like pleasant plains and ended near her honey-dew lips. What a life it is, or rather was! She believed that she had no regrets, but memories plenty. It was beautiful, no one could disagree. But now? Everything in the house, every movement in the air, every existence around her reminded her of Rithvik. Her soul mate, or so she had believed. Even today, it felt too real to comprehend and too much an illusion to shrug off. Rithvik… The sound of his name on her lips strung a lot of chords in her. As each of them struck, she would just melt a little bit more.

Was it her fault for wanting to pursue something he couldn’t? Or was it his fault that he had his family depending on him much that he cannot think of moving? Was it their fault that they knew this would become a problem yet wanted to enjoy what they had as long as they had it? Sometimes life happens, they say! No, life does not just happen. It strikes with a deadly blow giving you choices that you cannot refuse and making you choose the one choice that you feared. The same happened to her and she did what life made her do. Bidding him goodbye, she packed her heart along with her bags and flew where her wings took her. He picked up the pieces of his heart and tried to put it in one piece. Like it or not, he had to live with it. And so he did.


She thought it was for the best.  Then why does that lone tear drop make way from her eyes every night as the silence in her apartment engulfs her? Will time change it all? Or will love triumph it all? The one question that none of us have an answer to. Life makes us do a lot of things. In the end, all that matters are our priorities. That set right, they won’t give you regrets. They might give you scars in the passing but not lasting regrets!

Until later 🙂

The transformation

This post is inspired by another post I read recently about an unrequited love, a broken person and a hurt heart. It’s easy to break someone but very hard to build the trust again. However hard it is, it would become a lesson in the victim’s life but for you, your karma will hunt you down and kick your a**.

But then in cases where someone plays you knowingly, does the ego ever let go? Does the grudge ever fade? Does the scars ever vanish? Does the anger ever cools completely? That’s what ego is about. That little bit of ego is necessary to uphold your self-respect or so I feel. Maybe I am being amateur, maybe not.


I have long wanted to let go
The grudge I held has turned futile
It was you who taught me, what it meant to love
And then to lose.

It’s true that if not for you,
My understanding of love would’ve been infertile,
It’s true that I wouldn’t have known how,
And to whom to give my all.

I was too blind to see it, blinded by you,
Then you broke me and the illusion turned vile,
When you showed me what it takes to lose in love,
I saw what I’d done to another loving heart.

Even as I let it out of my mind to flow
My ego clings on to the tip of the pile,
Refusing to erase the grudge now,
Refusing to leave without a scar.

It wants a that bit of regret to stay on,
So that I know all the while,
That it’s always easier to vow,
Than to keep it up.

But for the sake of being a better person,
Wherever you are, thank you for that lesson worthwhile,
But wherever you are, you would never know love,
And that’s for the sake of my ego.

Whether you know it or not, sinners pay
Because there’s always karma’s aisle,
Of course, it might not be just now,
But you are just waiting your turn!

Until later 🙂

P.S :Don’t ask me where I was! I would say 2 things – Work and Health. Just when I thought enough is enough and picked up the spirit to blog, the common cold beat the crap out of me. I haven’t yet recovered from the blow but I figured, what the hell! I can’t and won’t be deterred by this.

P.P.S: I haven’t picked my laptop at home for more than 2 weeks 🙁 Poor me!

If only

rsz_231525_20130201_123359_being_broken_02If only, like a fool, I had not abstained
I’d never know what would’ve been your say
I didn’t have the courage in the past
To spill out my heart

My smile masked the heart that pained
As I stood the best man on your wedding day
Tired of blaming myself, I breathe my last
If only, my mind thought!

Until later 🙂