Ripples of my Reflections

I think, therefore I write

Year: 2010 (page 1 of 8)

Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind

Hi People 🙂

 This has been dormant in my mind for a while and hence the movie with name as the title of this post triggered it up. For those who have seen the movie, let me say, my post is not exactly in line with the movie. I am just having the plot around which the movie revolves as the crux of my post. Analogies and comparisons vary here.

 So, How many of us have wished to forget certain things/persons that/who have happened in our life? Or even it might be things that you would have done in the past, which gives you a frown for the rest of your lives when you think about it. Mostly each of us would have such instances ranging from the silly ones to extremely grave ones. Also, the one question that will linger around in your head will be-“How better it would have been if I had not done that/How better it would have been if that had not happened? At the most extreme cases, even we might be happy if we are able obliterate the incident.

Human memory is the most fascinating one. It will make you the happiest by remembering certain stuff and it will also make you go crazy by remembering certain stuff which you don’t want to. We might have fantasies of erasing just that part of our lives and continue our lives as if nothing happened. I am not sure if these fantasies have been made practically possible as shown in the movie (It might have happened with the racing technology). My point here is the fact that you cannot fight natural stuff because certain things are meant to be the way they are-even if that gives you endless regret and sorrow.

I can say this for sure because I have had experiences and I have unspeakable mistakes to regret, as many among us do. We all have tried to get on with life as if nothing happened. However, the truth turns out to be that we get over the issue but not over the fact that we did it. We can think of it without the slightest of the effect it once had on us in all aspects except the aspect of regret. That “Damn!! Why couldn’t I have refrained from doing that stuff?” still exists. I think, It is because we hold a high esteem of ourselves always and now whenever we try to maintain it, our conscience will poke us and say-“Hey you! You are not that good a person. Do you remember what you did during that incident?” and all of a sudden there is nothing that we would not give in our life to make that one mistake right.

Actually, when you have gotten over a mistake or something bad, you should be able to laugh at your mistake without a tinge of any bad feeling. This is the hard truth. The reason-“Forgiving is an art, It might be difficult to master it but if you try, you can. Sadly, forgetting is beyond our scope”. So, I think the better way to do it is to forgive yourself/others when things get out of hand. That’s all we have in our hands. Maybe, if we deserve, we might get a chance to reach a stage  as good as totally obliterating the unwanted memories in our mind. As you ponder on it, I might as well ask you to be careful and not cause any regrettable incidents in your loved ones’ lives because that way, it becomes harder. You have enough trouble trying to forgive yourself and forget your mistake than having to try to make another mind to forgive and forget a mistake of yours.

All these are my reflections on seeing the movie “Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind” and doing some serious pondering over human memory. So, I might be as wrong as I might be right about the whole thing.

 Until later 🙂

Random musings

Hi all 🙂

A Strange thought occurred to me and I was pondering for so long on it and still not yet found an answer. Currently, my office communicator status is-“Life is simple, don’t complicate it!” However, I am really thinking if it is really the vice-versa that’s true. Movies show lives that are much easier and knots in life which are much easier to untie. Even in the society, many take life to be so simple or seem to take it so. However in reality, one’s own life doesn’t’ seem so (at least, not for me :P) So I guess my status should be-“Life is not that simple, don’t you dare take it easy!” Darn, that’s too pessimistic. So for now, I am not let this thought bug me anymore and let my status be unchanged at least for the optimism it might instill in me  🙂

Another nagging thought in my pensieve recently is about tears. Generally, tears would either mean sadness or extreme happiness (Tears of joy), the former being more prominent. Many people might think it is cowardly to cry or something of that sort. Even some might take pride in the fact that they have never cried. Yet somehow, all along my life, tears have helped me. What I mean is that, if I cry till I want to, I will feel better by such a great extent. I will be able to forgive anyone who caused it (if there was anyone). I will be able to forget the hurt. Even many times, I have felt like crying just to relieve the stress building up in me (stress may be anything varying from day-to-day work pressure to fights with loved ones). Some people might think that we are allowing ourselves to get hurt by crying and hence end up hurting ourselves. I feel differently. Even if I allow myself to get hurt by someone, by crying I get back leaving all unworthy memories behind. So, ignoring the advice given by many, which is “Being a bold girl that you are, you should not cry”, I will cry if I want to and if I feel like and I will definitely make sure if I am crying for anyone, that person is worthy of my tears [This paragraph might have been total non-sense to some of you. Sorry for that]

Nowadays, I want to blog but am not just hitting upon topics to blog. If at all I hit upon a topic, I don’t get the content racing through my mind. I hate that feeling. Maybe my mind has become too lazy, got to refresh it with a good book (And, am still guilty about not finishing “Between the assassinations” though I have waded through more than half of the book. Maybe the book is pulling me down due to its way of blending all the happenings in different persons’ lives)

I am working on creating my own purchased domain with the help of Adhi and might move my blog there once the groundwork is done. This is an advance notice for you all. 😛 Of course, a  formal post about moving the blog would come up. 🙂

Until later 🙂

Spontaneous!!

Hi people 🙂

I have always wanted to write a post without wracking my brains to find the perfect way to present my words. This is my first try at writing as words race around my mind and let us see how it goes.

The weekend was simply awesome and I can’t tell you reasons for that 😛

Yesterday and today at office-as hectic and irritating as ever,yet I am recently picking up on learning to shrug off irritations(I suppose) 😉

Have regained my obsession with Happy Aquarium on facebook.In addition to me being addictive to the game, am also having a loved slave who feeds and trains my fish 😛

I cannot just bear when people around me want me to make decisions for them. I just hate such people who cannot decide what they want or have to do and ask others’ guidance for each and every possible crap.

I came to realize that “Certain people never change!!” and that they are capable of utter stupidity.

I got a hell a lotta gifts for this bday and every one of them was great. I never got so many wishes (Thanks to FB-my wall got flooded with around 64 wishes-yeah I counted them :P) as on this 20-10-2010. Thanks a lot ppl 🙂

I cannot help wondering how people turn out to be when I keep thinking that they cannot be like that. I have had a lot of impressions or say, nice opinions about my classmates at college and they proved me wrong. This has happened more than once for me and every time it was guys who did that.

I decided not to tell anyone about writing this post, but failed at this(Told a friend that am doing this post, just because he asked “what are you doing?”-Come on, I was being spontaneous while writing a spontaneous post and told him the truth) 😛

I really want to learn typing without looking at the keyboard.(I type reasonably fast yet, I can’t type without looking at the keyboard) Praveen made this craze grow even more with his superfast fingers.

I am sitting at office and doing this post, just because the person who has to give me instructions on proceeding about the work is  “Away”. Also, I might be held up at office until 10.00 P.M. today and I totally hate it.

I love shiny,glassy things and go crazy about them.

I go into this “oh no! Not again!” mood when my dad starts advising me and then again feel guilty for being so.

I am a spendthrift. Every month I spend money senselessly and at the end of the month, i bug Adhi to help me manage my accounts and sort them out for the next month. This month might be better because of Adhi’s “Expenses” spreadsheet where every penny I spend is accounted.

Missing Ramya even more after meeting up with her just recently. She is my ditto as you might have known from an earlier post and I love that “ditto” nickname  which she invented for herself 🙂

I guess my spontaneity is coming to an end as I don’t get any more random thoughts to my mind.

I am thinking that you are bored to the core already.Yeah! I mean you! *Pointing you*

I started reading the book  “Between the Assassinations by “Aravind Adiga” last month and haven’t finished it yet. That’s because I didn’t read it for more than 1 day from when I bought it.However, I am feeling bad now because I never leave a book unattended to. Hoping to finish it soon 🙂

Okay. I have bored you people enough. As the same thought became redundant in my mind and hence the post, am stopping here and posting it without even previewing the post. 🙂

Until later 🙂

P.S: This post was edited once for good reasons.

A very fine day :)

Finally, I have broadband connection in my laptop!!!

Today is a day defined totally by memorable experiences:

Enthiran+

Lunch with friends at a mall+

The place we chose to eat had a perfect view of the hussain sagar lake with Lord Buddha standing majestically in the centre+

Language comedies on the return trip.

So today-Perfect!!!!

Until later 🙂

The best love story I ever read

Hey all,

This is an e-mail  that I got and I just started reading it as every other mail. However, by the end of it I had tears in my eyes,though I was sitting in my office. I wanted to record this for life and also share it with my friends.If, you are in a lovely relationship or if you are a person who will understand what a true relationship is, you will feel the essence of this story penetrating you. If you are not interested in emotions, just skip this post.

Love never fades, it only changes its shades

11th December 2010

The sun was playing hide and seek. The wind was chilly cold, it was 8 in the morning. She was sleeping by my side in the bed. I had switched on the light and she tried to cover her face with the blanket, but she can’t. As she hates to cover her face while sleeping. I switched off the light and her face seems to relax and a sweet smile appears on her face in that deep sleep, saying thank you to me. I slowly took out my SLR and tried to capture her smile 🙂 It looked the same as it was 5 years back.

11th December 2005

I still remember the day, it was 11th of December 2005. It was a Sunday. We were on our first outing after our marriage. We were in the valley of KASHMIR. Looking out of the glassed window. The whole earth was clad with white innocent snow. The snow resembled the smile of a small kid with a innocent smile, touching my soul and making me feel like going out and dance in it. Kashmir is so good and so peaceful in December(now don’t remind me of terror seeking groups, I am just speaking of the valley).

My room had a room heater, I could do anything but just to sulk in the warm cozy blanket.The room was filled with the essence of Hot elachi chai. I don’t drink tea but that’s her favorite, her morning starts with a hot elachi chai.She was lying next to me in the warm cozy bed, trying to pull the blanket up and cover her face as I have switched on the light in the room. This was the first time I noticed that she doesn’t like to cover her face while sleeping.

Time passed on and I knew her more and more.That elachi chai of hers is her favorite  which she calls pyala and my favorite was my morning kiss which she calls pyar ka pyala. Now I knew she hates to cover her face while sleeping and I loved that part of her sleep. Her face is never covered with the blanket which gives me the pleasure of looking at her anytime.I have seen the world in her face, I have seen her smile in her dreams and loved her even more by every day. Sometimes I see wrinkles on her forehead, I know she is tensed in her dreams and I would just shake her a bit to shatter such a dream which disturbs her peaceful night.

My desktops are filled with her pics with a sweet innocent smile which she portrays while she is dreaming a sweet dream, thanks to my SLR 🙂 I know her very well, she likes magenta color and would fight with me when I would say its pink. She likes elachi tea early morning, her pyala. She loves wearing pink but often picks up a blue dress as I love her in blue. She always chooses my happiness before hers. She cries like a kid while seeing some romantic  movie. She holds a special aroma of herself which mesmerizes me every day. She gets confused with numbers while calculating for anything and would need my help, for which I always get a kiss. I still remember our first fight, she went out and bought herself a calculator so that she won’t have any problem with calculation and won’t have to kiss me for her calculation problems. While on the weekend drive she will tell me every minute “its reverse ABC, Accelerator Brake Clutch”, as she would get confused which foot to place where and my heart would take a extra beat knowing that she is confused with the pedals, risking both our lives, but she won’t let me drive on the weekends. She is scared to death when it comes to needles and injection and would run away or fight with the doctor if I am not around to hold her and cool her down.

She loves puppies but hates when they pee inside the house. And as I am well mannered and I only use the bathrooms I am her puppy. She would play with me on a Sunday morning when I would be dying to catch some more sleep, but I love to be her puppy. I love the way she cuddles me like a mom cuddles a small baby. She sometimes forgets the recipe of what she is cooking and would scratch her head with the salt box in her hand standing in front of the gas stove. She loves animation movies. She has big eyes, which become even more beautiful when she applies kajal. She is full of life, yupieeeeeeeeeeee, I am too lucky to have her as my life :):):)

11th December 2007

We were expectine our angel.She was in admitted in the hospital and the doctor said that in few minutes the angel would be life 🙂 I was sitting outside the OT and thinking of names, I had thought of Midhu for my daughter and she had thought of Karan for her son. Lets see who will be born.Doctor came out rushing to me and said “the situation has gone critical and we can save only one of them, for the other it will be a risk. Whom you want the baby or the mother?” I couldn’t say a word I was in a shock and someone from either of our families or friends, I don’t know who, said “save the baby”. The doctor started to move back to the OT when I shouted at the top of my voice “NO” and everyone there rouse to their feet, people whispering stopped their whispers, the doctor stood still and everyone anticipated what I was gonna say next and I said it, “Save her, save my Arya, I want her, you can take a chance with the baby, but save my wife, my Arya” Doctor smiled back and went into the room.

I knew my Arya will help me get over this if anything happens to the baby, but she has loved the baby more than me, who will support her. And I knew that moment, I just can break at that moment, I have to stand by my Arya when she needs me the most.

Time stood still like a summer noon without any wind making me feel uncomfortable to even breathe. All I had was hope to support me nothing else seemed real, my world has blasted into small fragments of pain, sorrow and fear which was trying to suffocate me from all directions. It was then I heard my angel cry, a cry which cleared all the grey clouds around me and joy filled in every where around me. I cannot be more happy in my life than that moment, when I thought that the doctor saved my Arya and succeeded to save my angel. The doctor came out after some time and handed us the baby, she was an angel. Hurray!! my wish was fulfilled, she was a daughter my Midhu was born that day and not her Karan.

Everyone in the family started to compare her features with some or the other one, but I was sure of those eyes. Those big eyes, those lovely eyes were of my Arya. Every one held a smile as big as their heart, then the doctor permitted me to go in and speak to my Arya. My mom held my Midhu in her hands, while I walked into the OT. I was on cloud 9, we were gonna share the biggest happiness of our life ever since we met.

But I could sense a lot of blood in the OT, she has lost lot of blood in the operation, all my happiness seemed to fade. She was there on the bed, she had so many pipes and needles running in through her body, she hates and fears injection but she bared all this for our Angel. She held a smile that could strengthen me enough to fight the world with my last breath, but then I can see the pain that hid behind her smile. She kept that smile while I was no more able to with stand the site of hers in that way, i moved close and sat beside her. I could not speak a word but yet we spoke a million words. I could feel her pain, my body shivered for a moment and a tear rolled down my cheek on to her hand. Her smile changed a bit and i read her eyes, she asked me to lean forward, she took all her strength and rose a bit a kissed on my forehead.

For that one second I cursed her, cursed her like hell, why the hell does she care for me so much. Why the hell does she care for my happiness so much. I read her heart very well and I knew it that very moment and couldn’t control myself. She has taken the decision. Even before the doctor came to me I knew that she has asked the doctor to save the child risking her own life. She didn’t even think for once what will happen to me if anything happens to her. A zillion thoughts ran through my mind, was she safe or not and when i turned to the doctor all she said was “I am sorry, it was her decision”.

I will never forgive that doctor, i ll never forgive you my love, my life, my world, my Arya. In her last moment my Arya spoke to me “Happy na u have your midhu now, and don’t worry Vijay i ll always be there with you, I ll be your midhu if not your Arya anymore. You remember Vijay when we eloped and I told you that my dad would cry a lot and you used to make fun of me.Don’t worry, your Midhu wont elope with any guy, because I know you will be her friend first a father later.

Promise me that you will take her to the ice-cream parlor that we visit late night..
Promise me that you will teach her how to drive the way you did to me..
Promise me………..”
she took a lot of promises and left me for this life. I still don’t know why I am alive.I still don’t know how I ll take care of my Midhu who is also my Arya now.

Three years later

11th December 2010

I am at Kashmir, fulfilling one of the promises and living one of my best moments of life. Loving to know that she is just not my sweet little angel Midhu, she is my Arya too. As she too hates to cover her face while asleep,letting me get lost in her innocence and overloading my SLR with her one in a million, million pics.

When Life takes a complete U turn.
When life goes upside down.
When u are all alone in the middle of nowhere.
It’s then U find that, there is someone whom you love more than anyone else you ever loved in this world.

Love never fades, it only changes its shades. . .

Very true!

Until later 🙂

Older posts