I think, therefore I write

Category: LIFE HAPPENS (Page 6 of 25)

The waiting game

I am officially bored. With the impending arrival of a little one, the waiting game gets harder with each day and although I have multiple visits to my OBGYN, walking, writing, reading (My reading peaked this month as I had little else to do and I finished reading 7 books in a go that I figured I should slow down so that I don’t spend all our money on books and go broke when the little one arrives 😉 I am taking my time with the 8th book of the month on purpose), doing a bit of this and that at home, trying to work from home to save up my leaves as much as possible, none of these keep me occupied enough mentally. Yes, the waiting game has started and my impatience is not helping. While the multiple online forums and pregnancy apps tell me this is a normal thing for a mom-to-be and to relax while I can, that’s the last thing I seem to be able to do.

Other than sleepless nights and waddling like a duck around the house, nothing seems to fill my days. Sleepless nights are a funny one though. It’s not that the little one troubles me and hence I am unable to sleep. It is just me. Sometimes I wake up smack in the middle of the night and feel fresh without an ounce of sleepiness. I sit up, tired of all the sleeping on the sides and stare at the sleeping hubby (maybe envying his sleep a little). As he sleeps on with his peaceful face looking adorable, that evil thought of waking him up slips away and I spend some time in watching him sleep. Not to mention he has been creeped out the few times he stirred in his sleep and woke up to see me sitting and watching him. I assure him that nothing is wrong with me or the little one and that I just can’t sleep. There have been nights where I have written poetry about the two of us, the little one, and our life during these midnight sessions. Just for the want of doing something. Ironically though, the mornings are more difficult with sleep coming in and me struggling to wake up even at 8:30 AM. I just get up feeling ravenous and starved. So it’s get up, brush and then gobble up what mom cooked for breakfast. Thanks to her, I have something ready to eat when I get up!

And then there are nights when I just sit and think about how our life is going to be in the future. Yes, a life-changing thing and all. Yes, everyone says so. Yes, I know so. But still the experience is yet to happen. The uncertainty brings on a smile on my face and a fear in my heart. I think about my family, my job, imagine scenarios with Adit playing the dad and all that my hormone-riddled mind can come up at 2 AM in the night. These are times when I wonder that maybe I should have more 2 AM friends. The one I have sleeps beside me and I don’t have the heart to wake him. I need more options!

Pregnancy brain is quite funny, let me tell you. On some days I am quite content and in spite of the huge bump, having to walk around even when I have no energy or motivation, I find silver linings in the day and smile. On other days, I crank up the heat, cribbing about how bored I am and how scared I am. Relatives calling me every other day expecting an update don’t help either. These calls just increase my impatience. I have still a week to go for my due date, people! Don’t feed my impatience! I understand the care and concern, but the ball is pretty much in the baby’s court and not mine. So if you have issues, take it up with the little one upon arrival.

I don’t know what plans this baby has, whether to make a dramatic entry, with no symptoms till the last day and then suddenly whoosh into the world or otherwise. Whatever it is, I hope I get the acceptance to let things happen in their own way.

Until later 🙂

Overthinking about parenting

I was sitting in a Starbucks outlet savoring an ill-chosen Cafe latte (I like cold brew than hot ones), waiting for Adit to join me. Since I had let my phone battery run down to 10% and did not bother to charge it before venturing out, I couldn’t do what one usually does while passing time at a Starbucks outlet – stare at your phone, browsing through mundane stuff. So instead, I chose to indulge in some people watching – not the creepy type but the subtle type. 🙂

Everyone was busy with their phones or talking among themselves when a family walked in. From the usual Indian context setting, I could figure out it was a group consisting of a mother with her 2 kids and either her parents or in-laws. Among the kids, the daughter was the one who immediately caught my eye. She could be about 10-12 years old and was dressed in a cool t-shirt and shorts, with short hair, fancy accessories. She was really cute and carried herself well. My mind, with typical human tendencies, started its overthinking about how far ahead kids these days are.

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Abstract reality

There is so much more to you than I can explain. What do I say to people who ask me why you are so important to me? You just are. There are so many ways to explain us. But none of them make it to becoming words. That’s when I realize. It’s not about explaining. It’s not about trying to fit in. It’s not about worrying that we didn’t get a normal life like many others. It’s about living in that reality where everything makes sense to us. That abstract reality is the best paradox I have encountered in my life and in so many ways, the best thing that happened to me. For some it may be an absurd thing to draw inspiration from or something that they can’t understand how much ever they try. But for us, it just fits. Life for us is very different and we know that. It is not a mandate that everyone else understands it. It’s enough that we do and that we do it well. That’s all that matters.

Until later 🙂

A mindless ritual

Image Source: Pinterest

Image Source: Pinterest

So many reasons to give up, but
She chooses to stay every time.
All the while she fears, oh, how she fears,
The inevitable fear that the moment,
When the reasons to stay will tempt her,
To give up, to say, enough is enough.

A smile, a kiss, a brush of hair,
To remind her of what they once were.
A hand to help, a shoulder to cry on,
To show that life cannot leech out love.
It’s not fair to have had so much
Yet, there’s so little left now.

Over & over, the cycle goes on,
As if in repeat mode, pain, loneliness, fear
Replaced by hope, faith and belief.
As a circle that never ends.
As a path that never goes anywhere.
A mindless ritual for the soul!

Until later 🙂

The hobbies that I never thought I’d have

There are certain hobbies of mine which I considered to be not-my-cup-of-tea when I was back in college. I considered them to be too docile for my tom-boy nature. But as I grew up, I realized that there are better reasons to do them than to shrug them off. Kolam* is one such thing. I was absolutely disinterested in this art when I was growing up and was thinking I’d paint a permanent kolam in front of my house and be done with it, like many people in Bangalore. But things changed when there was a sudden interest in trying a few simple kolams which led my house owner to appreciate it and ask for my help during the Pongal* season. That was when I realized that my kolam was good enough for people to give a second look.

From then on, I started taking more interest. I am still no pro, the main reason being my shaky hands. I cannot draw a straight line without a scale and that has been the case ever since I remember. And the uneven ground in front of our house does not help either. So doing this is kind of out of my comfort zone but I am trying. Here are some kolams that I felt came out rather well for my attempts.

This is the Pongal kolam that started off the whole thing:

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A very amateur attempt

These are some of the daily designs I try out:

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Deepam designs always catch my eye

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One of my favorites

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Curved lines are still not my forte

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A bigger challenge I took on a Sunday and I was rather pleased with the result

There are many more better works but I couldn’t capture them as I was rushing to office in the morning after spending a good deal of time in their making. Anyway, this is one hobby that I thought I’d never take up but it made me eat my words. Now I am cribbing that once I move into our flat next month, I wouldn’t have enough space to experiment bigger designs as there is only so much lobby space in front of the flat. 🙁

A couple more unconvincing hobbies are making their way up my ladder but slowly – Cooking and Crafts. Cooking is something I try to enjoy but end up not sustaining the interest. It’s like an on and off relationship. But what I do sustain is making interesting by-products out of ordinary and sometimes boring dishes. Like Dosa and Sambar is very common for us, but I make a Dosa Lasangna out of it by layering them and adding the Sambar like a sauce and then adding some toppings like coriander, nuts or tomatoes. Here’s a click, it is not very clear that it is a lasagna because the dosas were very thin and were only 3 layers. Needless to mention, my photography skills are still scraping the bottom of the pan.

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Without the toppings

I have just started taking clicks of such things I do, so I don’t have more, But I have tried this Greek Yoghurt Sandwich and I also make a variety of sandwiches with common items like mint leaves chutney and tomato chutney. I make an Indian Pulav with Carrot, Coriander, Peas and so on. I am planning to do more of this.

Again, Crafts was something I never thought I’d venture into. In fact, I thought I didn’t have a single crafty bone in my body for so long. But after seeing GB’s artworks, I was overwhelmed with desire to make something that beautiful. She also cooks so many awesome recipes that she posts on her blog and her food blog. Some dishes have made me crave that I had an ounce of her talent and interest in cooking. Anyway, on seeing her art works, I started researching on some easy to do craft works and stumbled upon paper quilling. It is relatively easy for a beginner to try and so I did. I made a couple of cards for my friends  for their birthdays and it turned out that I did have some craft sense in me.

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The first birthday card I made with quilling

As I am trying out these new hobbies, the only thing I am running short of is time. And I don’t know how I am gonna indulge in gardening too when I move to our flat. I am planning to have a few plants in the balcony for sure.  But I must say, amidst all the crafts, cooking, blogging, work, attempting new kolams and packing and planning to move into our own place, life is pretty awesome 🙂

Until later 🙂

*Kolam– It is the rangoli that we make with dots. Some call this as Rangoli, but I was taught that free hand designs and coloring was rangoli.

*Pongal- It is the festival that we celebrate for the harvest season by offering it to the Sun god.

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