Ripples of my Reflections

I think, therefore I write

Page 3 of 63

Weekend nothings

Haven’t you heard about sweet nothings? Not just when you are in love, but you can have those when are deep into marriage and then once in a blue moon, when you have a toddler too. Yeah yeah, I hear desperate parents asking, “Really?”. But I am telling you out of personal experience. It can happen. Don’t keep looking out for it, just enjoy it when it happens.

Adit and I were always the too-lazy-to-go-out kind of people (him more than me :P). So the first 5 years of our marriage, with just us and no kid (directly translating into no great responsibilities), we had weekends and weekends full of time to do nothing. Yeah, while some were out partying, meeting up with friends, exploring different pubs and restaurants, we were very comfortable in the cozy nest of our home, more specifically, our bed.

We had a week full of our jobs, then evenings filled with watching TV/shows mixed with office meetings and then we had the weekend nothings. We would sleep in, get up late and scramble something together for breakfast. We would then have a long debate about whether we can cook lunch or eat out. It ended being 50-50. And then with all the time in hand, we would eat, sleep, play some games, watch some shows, blog, read books, repeat.. You get the point. There have been weekends when we closed the door to our home on a Friday evening and then came out only on a Monday morning, with the exception of taking the milk delivered at our doorstep in.

Yeah, I hear you. We were that lazy but the point is that we kind of enjoyed it. Here’s probably why: We were brought up in highly ambitious families, running behind grades, winning contests, and scoring seats in acceptable colleges and this independence to slow down and enjoy not-running-a-mad-race actually helped us unwind. We had also had a pressured couple of years trying to get our parents accept our decision to marry each other, then trying to get them to actually marry us off, then being coerced into booking a flat when we practically had no money and hence ending up with a huge house loan… you get the point, right? I don’t know about others, but it caused a lot of subconscious tightening. So the weekend nothings were actually enjoyable. As for seeking out friendship, we had each other as best friends. So I guess that part never bothered us either.

After 5 years of doing this, we decided it was time for a kid. Again, we spent a few months being backed into a corner by friends and family telling us it is time and us not really knowing whether to cave or stand up until we are ready. Not to mention, we caved. So once Aditi was born, our weekend nothings vanished without a trace. There was some chore to be done. Always. And we got through all of it just like most parents do. Cribbing and then dusting ourselves off. Okay, I did most of the cribbing and Adit did most of the pick-me-up bit. But that’s also because of the chore imbalance in our situation. Practicality dictated that I take care of the baby and household along with my job while he focuses on the primary income of the family and his health.

Anyway, I had given up on our sweet weekends as our baby grew up into a toddler, demanding more attention and time when this weekend sneaked up on me in being nice. It just fell into place. We did get things done, like deciding the pre-school for our daughter, taking a picture of our daughter for school and going out on an impromptu snack trip to the mall. But, the rest of the weekend was relaxed with minimal tantrums, playing around at home, cooking the bare minimum that was needed (I never really enjoy cooking). In fact, this afternoon, my paranoid mind started to think that there was some storm coming up this week to make up for this calm. But then, whether I worry or not, I will have to deal with the storm when it comes. So here I am, sitting on my couch and writing a post (something I haven’t done in a really long time) enjoying the rest of my doing-nothing-weekend.

Until later 🙂

The life of a working mom

Don’t you feel bad for leaving your kid with someone other than family?

Do you miss her when you are away?

But you don’t have a constant eye on her!

She got sick because you let her play outside so that you could get some work done.

It is only a job for the caretaker, but it is your kid. You should have been more careful.

You could easily take a break, this is when she needs you the most!

How can you leave your kid with your parents to go on a business trip? OMG!

Are you sure she’s okay being away from you?

The many many questions I face, every working mother faces, from others and from their own minds. Sometimes my chest constricts and I can’t take a breath from all the pressure. While motherhood is blissful, it is also extremely restraining. Being tied to someone all the time and knowing what they ate last, what they are trying to tell you, what color their poop was, whether they filled enough diapers, whether it is time for potty training, if they are sick because they played in the sand or because they caught it from one of the other kids they played with, who they play with, whether the babysitter followed all your instructions, if they ate too little or too much… Yes, if reading this is exhausting, one can imagine how exhausting it would be for the ones living it.

I am not judging anyone for their opinions but I would personally like a breather from all the questions (including the ones of my own making, running amok in my mind). A working mother has enough on her plate. If possible, help her get going. Else, please reserve your opinions – that’s the least you could do.

My pride

The only thing that I did without letting Adit know before.
The only thing that I did again in spite of Adit not liking it.
The only thing that I was absolutely sure about wanting it for myself, my identity.
The only thing that I knew I’d want to get it done again when I got it for the first time.
The only thing that I got done for myself as selfishly as possible but at the same time is not about myself.

Here is the story of the first one and how frantic I felt before getting it 🙂 In contrary, the second one was fairly straight forward. I hit upon the idea in one moment, visualized it in one hour, researched and finalized it in one day. Then it was just a matter of booking an appointment and getting it done. I was mildly surprised that even Adit’s strong ‘no’ did not stop me.

Until later 🙂

Kick-start motivation

Life has been troublesome for a while and I have gotten tired of being down on motivation. I keep forgetting that life is a great leveler and here’s an attempt to kick some motivation into my mind.

Think about how naive you were 10 years ago and think about who you have become now. Proud of yourself, aren’t you?

Think of the personal yet practical dreams that you have had 7 years ago and see if they have come true. Most of them have, haven’t they?

Think of the single most important thing in your life, without which life would be almost impossible for you. You have it, don’t you?

Think of all the struggles you have had and if any one of them was meaningless. Every struggle has made you who you are now, hasn’t it?

Then there is no reason to be down. Pick yourself up, do something different, do something for yourself, do something for others and get going!

Until later 🙂

The struggle is real

November has been a real testing time. In fact, the past 2 years have been about handling what life throws at us. If Adit, my husband, has to face the struggle first hand, I am the half-helpless person who tries to keep things running for him.

Health issues are not new to us. We know that the life of a type 1 diabetic can be as close to normal as possible with ideal control, but it could never be fully normal. Despite what the doctors tell you, when you have to finger-prick at least 5 times a day and get insulin shots a minimum of 3 times a day, you know that you are different and you need a different attitude about life. That’s on a good day. Bad days are like going on a roller coaster ride without nothing to hang on to.

What hits more than the disease itself is a number of factors that include psycho-social acceptance, family support, healthcare costs. Unfortunately for us, the T1D awareness in India is not great and tools that enable a type 1 diabetic to get closer to ideal control are either insanely pricey or unavailable. Families are still not sure how to handle this condition and end up ignoring it and just praying for the best, instead of getting hands on and helping the person to wade through the struggle. We do not need sympathy but actually need empathy and support which we hardly get.

Fortunately though, Adit has me and thanks to our stars, affordability for the health care that is required. Being a primary caregiver for Adit, I learnt what life as a type 1 diabetic entails. I learnt acceptance in the fact that it is not something he chose or could have avoided. It was forced on him and there is no other way than to deal with it. I learnt to help him with his blood sugar readings, plan for better targets, and cook food that suited him even if it has to be bland. I still struggle in some aspects when I am ill or totally exhausted from all the work. At such times, Adit understands. When he does not, I do.

With a toddler who does not know what her father deals with, the problems her working mother faces to keep things going without a proper support system, the struggle is real. We have got no choice but to face it head on.

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