I think, therefore I write
A paradox of a title, I know!
Parenting – Constant oscillation between hopeful and hopeless, peace and drastic panic setting in, relaxing and exhausted till your life oozes out of your bones. Up and down and up and down and up and down. Never ending ups and downs. All within a matter of seconds.
Well, amidst all that, it’s a big thing that I even remember that this place exists!
Calling it a day with lots of phew!’s and sighs.
I have often heard people say that if you want something so badly, the entire universe will conspire to enable you to achieve your dream. Well, when you apply that to my life, all I can say is so far, so good. But here is a juncture that poses a question again. One that reeks of uncertainty. And if you knew one thing about me, it would be that I like planning and control. So this situation which doesn’t have a trace of a plan has swept the rug off my feet. I try everyday to let it go, but in vain.
Image Source: ask.fm
I blame that inability to let things happen on my passion. Being passionate about something in your life gives a sense of fulfillment that nothing else does. My work is something I deeply care about and have no willingness to sacrifice. My work has given me a sense of confidence, a true indication of what I am good at, what I am capable of, and what I should improve at. But how long I will have the support system to have a work-life balance is something I am unaware of. And of all things, the universe should know how badly I want this to work out. *Fingers crossed*
Until later 🙂
Every time you smile, I realize how blessed I am.
Every time I hug you, I realize how gifted I am.
Every time I inhale your baby smell, I realize how happy I am.
Every time I crib about being tired, I realize there are a lot of people who would give anything to be this tired for this reason.
Every time you rub your face against mine, I realize heaven is not impossible.
I asked myself a hundred times, why do I want to have a baby? I never knew the answer before but now I do.
You are the answer to my questions. I might have a million of them but you answer them in a million ways. Ways that I could never comprehend until you show me. Ways that would seem highly impossible until you show me.
I have always considered providing and taking care of a family to be the biggest challenge and yet, the biggest achievement of my life. And I had thought I had done it even before you came along to show me that there’s more. You showed me I can do more when I thought I couldn’t. Just like your dad. You both push me to greater heights when I myself have given up and settled. And I don’t often remember how blessed I am to have that. To have help to realize your purpose in life. But when I do remember, it overwhelms me so much that I am at a loss of words. So here’s a thank you. Thank you for everything.
I hope that someday you read this and realize how much I love you and how grateful I am to have you.
Until later 🙂
Pouring your heart and soul into something does pay off. It might not reflect in the same way that you want but it will reward you in ways you don’t realize yet. Hold your head high and enjoy what you have while it lasts. Things that you love need not stay around for long but while they are there, they are so for a reason. And they leave you for a reason.
Until later 🙂
P.S: For one of the very few times in my life, I am truly, completely proud of myself without a hint of sarcasm or doubt. And it makes me keenly aware of the fact that what I have might not last long. Accepting that is an arduous journey, one that I must tread through no matter what.
Is there anything wrong in aspiring to have it all?
Is there anything wrong in trying to do it all?
Until later 🙂
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