This is an e-mail that I got and I just started reading it as every other mail. However, by the end of it I had tears in my eyes,though I was sitting in my office. I wanted to record this for life and also share it with my friends.If, you are in a lovely relationship or if you are a person who will understand what a true relationship is, you will feel the essence of this story penetrating you. If you are not interested in emotions, just skip this post.
Love never fades, it only changes its shades
11th December 2010
The sun was playing hide and seek. The wind was chilly cold, it was 8 in the morning. She was sleeping by my side in the bed. I had switched on the light and she tried to cover her face with the blanket, but she can’t. As she hates to cover her face while sleeping. I switched off the light and her face seems to relax and a sweet smile appears on her face in that deep sleep, saying thank you to me. I slowly took out my SLR and tried to capture her smile 🙂 It looked the same as it was 5 years back.
11th December 2005
I still remember the day, it was 11th of December 2005. It was a Sunday. We were on our first outing after our marriage. We were in the valley of KASHMIR. Looking out of the glassed window. The whole earth was clad with white innocent snow. The snow resembled the smile of a small kid with a innocent smile, touching my soul and making me feel like going out and dance in it. Kashmir is so good and so peaceful in December(now don’t remind me of terror seeking groups, I am just speaking of the valley).
My room had a room heater, I could do anything but just to sulk in the warm cozy blanket.The room was filled with the essence of Hot elachi chai. I don’t drink tea but that’s her favorite, her morning starts with a hot elachi chai.She was lying next to me in the warm cozy bed, trying to pull the blanket up and cover her face as I have switched on the light in the room. This was the first time I noticed that she doesn’t like to cover her face while sleeping.
Time passed on and I knew her more and more.That elachi chai of hers is her favorite which she calls pyala and my favorite was my morning kiss which she calls pyar ka pyala. Now I knew she hates to cover her face while sleeping and I loved that part of her sleep. Her face is never covered with the blanket which gives me the pleasure of looking at her anytime.I have seen the world in her face, I have seen her smile in her dreams and loved her even more by every day. Sometimes I see wrinkles on her forehead, I know she is tensed in her dreams and I would just shake her a bit to shatter such a dream which disturbs her peaceful night.
My desktops are filled with her pics with a sweet innocent smile which she portrays while she is dreaming a sweet dream, thanks to my SLR 🙂 I know her very well, she likes magenta color and would fight with me when I would say its pink. She likes elachi tea early morning, her pyala. She loves wearing pink but often picks up a blue dress as I love her in blue. She always chooses my happiness before hers. She cries like a kid while seeing some romantic movie. She holds a special aroma of herself which mesmerizes me every day. She gets confused with numbers while calculating for anything and would need my help, for which I always get a kiss. I still remember our first fight, she went out and bought herself a calculator so that she won’t have any problem with calculation and won’t have to kiss me for her calculation problems. While on the weekend drive she will tell me every minute “its reverse ABC, Accelerator Brake Clutch”, as she would get confused which foot to place where and my heart would take a extra beat knowing that she is confused with the pedals, risking both our lives, but she won’t let me drive on the weekends. She is scared to death when it comes to needles and injection and would run away or fight with the doctor if I am not around to hold her and cool her down.
She loves puppies but hates when they pee inside the house. And as I am well mannered and I only use the bathrooms I am her puppy. She would play with me on a Sunday morning when I would be dying to catch some more sleep, but I love to be her puppy. I love the way she cuddles me like a mom cuddles a small baby. She sometimes forgets the recipe of what she is cooking and would scratch her head with the salt box in her hand standing in front of the gas stove. She loves animation movies. She has big eyes, which become even more beautiful when she applies kajal. She is full of life, yupieeeeeeeeeeee, I am too lucky to have her as my life :):):)
11th December 2007
We were expectine our angel.She was in admitted in the hospital and the doctor said that in few minutes the angel would be life 🙂 I was sitting outside the OT and thinking of names, I had thought of Midhu for my daughter and she had thought of Karan for her son. Lets see who will be born.Doctor came out rushing to me and said “the situation has gone critical and we can save only one of them, for the other it will be a risk. Whom you want the baby or the mother?” I couldn’t say a word I was in a shock and someone from either of our families or friends, I don’t know who, said “save the baby”. The doctor started to move back to the OT when I shouted at the top of my voice “NO” and everyone there rouse to their feet, people whispering stopped their whispers, the doctor stood still and everyone anticipated what I was gonna say next and I said it, “Save her, save my Arya, I want her, you can take a chance with the baby, but save my wife, my Arya” Doctor smiled back and went into the room.
I knew my Arya will help me get over this if anything happens to the baby, but she has loved the baby more than me, who will support her. And I knew that moment, I just can break at that moment, I have to stand by my Arya when she needs me the most.
Time stood still like a summer noon without any wind making me feel uncomfortable to even breathe. All I had was hope to support me nothing else seemed real, my world has blasted into small fragments of pain, sorrow and fear which was trying to suffocate me from all directions. It was then I heard my angel cry, a cry which cleared all the grey clouds around me and joy filled in every where around me. I cannot be more happy in my life than that moment, when I thought that the doctor saved my Arya and succeeded to save my angel. The doctor came out after some time and handed us the baby, she was an angel. Hurray!! my wish was fulfilled, she was a daughter my Midhu was born that day and not her Karan.
Everyone in the family started to compare her features with some or the other one, but I was sure of those eyes. Those big eyes, those lovely eyes were of my Arya. Every one held a smile as big as their heart, then the doctor permitted me to go in and speak to my Arya. My mom held my Midhu in her hands, while I walked into the OT. I was on cloud 9, we were gonna share the biggest happiness of our life ever since we met.
But I could sense a lot of blood in the OT, she has lost lot of blood in the operation, all my happiness seemed to fade. She was there on the bed, she had so many pipes and needles running in through her body, she hates and fears injection but she bared all this for our Angel. She held a smile that could strengthen me enough to fight the world with my last breath, but then I can see the pain that hid behind her smile. She kept that smile while I was no more able to with stand the site of hers in that way, i moved close and sat beside her. I could not speak a word but yet we spoke a million words. I could feel her pain, my body shivered for a moment and a tear rolled down my cheek on to her hand. Her smile changed a bit and i read her eyes, she asked me to lean forward, she took all her strength and rose a bit a kissed on my forehead.
For that one second I cursed her, cursed her like hell, why the hell does she care for me so much. Why the hell does she care for my happiness so much. I read her heart very well and I knew it that very moment and couldn’t control myself. She has taken the decision. Even before the doctor came to me I knew that she has asked the doctor to save the child risking her own life. She didn’t even think for once what will happen to me if anything happens to her. A zillion thoughts ran through my mind, was she safe or not and when i turned to the doctor all she said was “I am sorry, it was her decision”.
I will never forgive that doctor, i ll never forgive you my love, my life, my world, my Arya. In her last moment my Arya spoke to me “Happy na u have your midhu now, and don’t worry Vijay i ll always be there with you, I ll be your midhu if not your Arya anymore. You remember Vijay when we eloped and I told you that my dad would cry a lot and you used to make fun of me.Don’t worry, your Midhu wont elope with any guy, because I know you will be her friend first a father later.
Promise me that you will take her to the ice-cream parlor that we visit late night..
Promise me that you will teach her how to drive the way you did to me..
she took a lot of promises and left me for this life. I still don’t know why I am alive.I still don’t know how I ll take care of my Midhu who is also my Arya now.
Three years later
11th December 2010
I am at Kashmir, fulfilling one of the promises and living one of my best moments of life. Loving to know that she is just not my sweet little angel Midhu, she is my Arya too. As she too hates to cover her face while asleep,letting me get lost in her innocence and overloading my SLR with her one in a million, million pics.
When Life takes a complete U turn.
When life goes upside down.
When u are all alone in the middle of nowhere.
It’s then U find that, there is someone whom you love more than anyone else you ever loved in this world.
Love never fades, it only changes its shades. . .
Until later 🙂