I think, therefore I write
எங்கும் கேட்கும் அலறல்கள்,
அவரவர்க்கு முக்கியம் எனப்படும் விஷயங்கள்,
அதை நிலை நாட்டும் முயற்சியில் சர்ச்சைகள்,
இதனிடையே வாழ்க்கையை தேடித் தேடி களைத்துவிட்டேன்,
இருப்பதற்கென்று வந்து இல்லாமல் தான் போகிறோம்,
தைரியசாலியான என்னை கோழை ஆக்காதீர்கள்,
தற்காலிக அமைதியில் நிம்மதி அடைய முயற்சிக்கும் என்னை,
நிரந்தர அமைதியை தேடிச்செல்ல ஊக்குவிக்காதீர்கள்!
Until later 🙂
P.S: Maiden attempt! Sorry if it does not reach you or if you could not read Tamil.
Have you ever wanted change so much that you feel like you cannot spend another second in your current stand and want to move on immediately? And on the other side of the coin, have you ever felt so much is changing that you wanna settle down soon and be comfortable? Yeah, if you have experience both of these situations, you would know what it takes. At these times, you would search a balance and drift along the thin line between wanting more and settling down. Why I am writing about this now is I have been in both these situations very recently and found out what kind of survival instinct it took for me to hold on.
So I thought I would pen down my musings on that in the hope that someone might find it useful. Human mind is very fickle and you know that. So look out for yourself, always. When you are getting really comfortable and having a nice lie down, enjoy it and at the same time tell yourself that this cannot last forever and do something different that gets you out of the stagnant mode. This gyan/ self-enlightening will help you avoid the desperate phase which comes after a while.
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The converse is also true. When you feel too much is changing, take a time-out and enjoy a simple thing patiently. That simple thing might even be the gorgeous view that you have when you stand on your balcony with a cup of hot coffee at 7 o clock on a misty morning. Forget about everything else and just enjoy that moment. Enjoy a lazy day or a late dinner with your friends. Drop everything else. Trust me, it works.
Find a source of happiness that is not based on other factors, i.e., do not set conditions for your happiness. Try to be happy irrespective of what happens or not around you. This is a very difficult thing to do. However hard I tried, I couldn’t keep it going for more than a few days. I am still trying to capture this unconditional happiness and bring it into my life. But I have seen stronger-willed people carry out this and achieve a balance in their life. So, I believe it is worth a try.
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Last but not the least, accept that how hard you try to make your life a smooth-running-machine, it invariably gets stuck somewhere at times and makes you take the toll. You gotta accept that life likes to strikes you straight in the face sometimes or even often. This acceptance at least helps you face it when it comes rather than making an unexpected mess. It is just so true that Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans. There is no way to go about it except accept it.
As I draw to an end, I request you not to take this as an advising post/a philosophical post. It is not. It is just a few things strung together. The few things that came out of my recent discoveries, recent attempts to straighten my life, recent turns on my roller-coaster. I just penned them down in the hope that it will help someone when they come to this turn besides serving as a written reminder to me.
Until later 🙂
Pre.S: I have written something that makes complete sense to me but that might not be the case with you. Now, you cannot say that I didn’t warn you. Read at your own risk. 😉
A thin line. That’s all there is to life. Between every pair of opposites. Between happiness and sadness. I look through the frame and see how a few words can turn me into the most happy person on earth and how the lack of them makes me feel that life sucks big time. A thin line between comfort and discomfort. I see how 2 strangers who are going to share my room for the next weeks make me so comfortable as opposed to my normal discomfort in such cases. I also see the reason that is behind this, which is, I have experienced what it is to be lonely. And so now I appreciate even the strangers’ presence and constant babble. A very thin line between love and hate. I can see how I can so easily hate something that I love very much. A very thin line between feeling assured and anxiety. That thin line’s timing is less than a second. A blink is all it takes to make you feel assured and vice-versa.
A simple “I am there for you” can wash away the emptiness that is eating you from inside. Weakness and strength-separated by a thread. When I feel so weak, apparently I end up showing more strength. Nothing but survival instinct. Looking back, my most feared moments have proved I have been the bravest in my life during those moments. How mingled tears and laughter are. You cry when you are really sad and you cry when you are really happy. It is the threshold that when tipped over thrusts you into the opposite dimension with full force at a speed that’s so fast that you never know what hits you. A smile turns into a frown in a matter of a second. Darkness and light are reversed with one flick of a switch, even in our minds and not just in the outside world.
Always at the brim. Ready to overflow. One more drop, the tank starts flowing and never stops. It is always the way with emotions. There is no mastering them. If you think you have mastered emotions, it is just that you have not met your match and that’s why. When the tipping point is crossed, there is nothing to do but to tip over and fall headlong into the positive pit or the negative pit. Which you fall into is decided by life. Either way both pits are bottomless.
Until later 🙂
Post.S: If you understand what I have written, well, I am glad that there is one more person who feels so. If you don’t get it and think “what a load of crap!”, well, I apologize.
Hey people,
I am outta my hibernation 🙂 To say the truth, I forced myself outta it because it could go on for a while given its way, but blogging is something that I cannot afford to give up for small troubles. So here I am to finish off the Hyderabad Series and start something else.
I present to you the last part of the Hyderabad Series…
This post I am going to cover food (Yeah I can see your mind jumping to “Biryani” 😛 ). I am going to elaborate on the restaurants in and around Madhapur, for I have tried out most of the famous ones, being a foodie that I am. But please note that my comments are only for vegetarian items and for egg based dishes, for I do not venture beyond egg into the non-vegetarian section. I tried out the very famed Paradise Biryani for the first time at the Hi-Tech branch. I have to say, my taste buds were satisfied. Paradise clearly lived up to its expectations. After trying various dishes, I would say the best, in my opinion, would be Egg Biryani and Baby Corn Manchurian. In the same chain, Café Nandhini at Madhapur excels in South Indian Dishes as Dosas, Varieities of Idlis and the Pulav here beats the rest in the locality. I would recommend you to try each dosa here as all of them are fantastic. Another restaurant Taamaram that was opened recently has a similar menu and prices are also almost the same, while it provides a classier environment. My recommendation to you at Taamaram would be the Mushroom Masala Dosa and Tuti-Fruity Ice cream. And if you are forced to give a treat by your friends and you have a lighter wallet already, take them to Amantran at Madhapur. The food here is pretty good and it is not that expensive. Same would go for Taamaram too.
Hyderabad House at Madhapur is specializes in non-vegetarian section, as I hear, but I would always love the butter naan at this place with either of Mushroom or Baby Corn Manchurian. Other good restaurants are the newly-opened Veggies365, 4 seasons, Chutneys, Big Dosa and so on.. the list is really endless. Hyderabad people, I know I would have left out a lot of good restaurants due to lack of my roaming skills. Please do tell me which ones I missed out and I will head out immediately 😛 I will leave the food section with a last note, if you come to Hyderabad and leave without tasting the Hyderabadi double masala biryani, your whole trip is a waste.
And I cannot leave the post without talking about the people here and the language. From a newbie’s view, I must say the people of the Hyderabad are quite nice, helping and multi-cultural. At least that’s how all the people who I met first were. Coming from Tamilnadu (A state cursed to know only Tamil and no other language) I was amazed by the level of Hindi knowledge among the people here. Later, I came to know that Hindi is as important a part of curriculum in schools here as other subjects. It is so in most other states except mine 🙁 And then Telugu, I do not know why, it caught on quickly. The language called out to me in an unique way and within 6 month I could manage decent Telugu and now people don’t believe me if I say I am not a native of Andhra Pradesh 😉 I feel that the language is used in a sing-song tone and is very pleasant to hear 🙂
Otherwise, the culture here is as diverse as any other industrial city. People from the north and south mingling in and everything. I would say the city will welcome you with open arms and will amaze you with its different faces. Each day you will find something that you find interesting in this city. I enjoyed my stay here and I hope you will too 🙂
Until later 🙂
P.S: I have read all your blogs in the past few weeks but just did not comment for the same reason as I didn’t write in my space. I just needed a break.
P.P.S: DIGS, I remember the deal about guest post. I will send it to you soon 🙂 Thank you for the patience 🙂
I stood there, lost in the awesomeness of the sunset. I had retreated to my favorite spot on the terrace to sulk over the endless problems that seem to find their way to me effortlessly. Why has 2011 been a year that I cannot understand? Why did it seem that the year has taught me a lot yet I am glad that it ended? Why do the familiar rays of hope arise when I think of 2012, when nothing has changed? I am still waiting for things to fall into place, holding my breath and pretending that life will pass on and one fine morning, everything will be like I wanted it to be. But, why does the hope arise in my heart from time to time? I thought of curbing the hope that arises and creates disappointment when the hope does not turn into reality. I decided not to believe in a tomorrow. If it comes, that’s good! Else, I will at least be spared of the disappointment. After all, hope didn’t seem to be a good decision to my problems. And with that decision, I continued to stare at the sunset.
Image Courtesy: http://scienceblogs.com
The setting sun glowed under the dark covers of clouds and I couldn’t help but stare at it. It hurt my eyes to keep staring like that and my eyes watered, but I didn’t move my eyes from the scene. It was too beautiful. Slowly as the sun set fully, I was engulfed in the darkness around me and once again my mind started searching for answers, with undivided concentration. From where I stood, people on the roads below seemed like scurrying ants and the sight made me wonder how busy the city is even after dusk. Moms hurrying to their homes to make the dinner in time for their families, Dads hurrying to their awaiting families so that they can spend more time with their kids, Children hurrying back home after school in the hope of getting some play time, Auto-drivers dashing to and fro to earn enough wages for their next day’s life, Street-vendors looking for some last-minute business before they close their shops and head home and so on. What enables them to go through the tiring routine throughout the day and look forward to another day? What makes them believe in a better tomorrow?
Suddenly a blazing light flashed across and I looked up at the sky. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I watched in awe as the scene unfolded. A bob of light that started at a point started growing bigger and bigger until its radiance was so strong that I could no longer decide where it started and where it ended. From the very centre of the radiance, a figure slowly walked towards me and as it came nearer I found that it was none but me. But I am here on the terrace! How can I be in two places at the same time? The glowing me smiled and said “You can be anywhere you want to be”. “Hey! Wait a minute. You can read my thoughts?” was my shocked reply and “Can’t I? After all I am you.” was the smug reply.
Me: So you are saying that this is happening inside my head?
Glowing-me: Only if you want it to be.
Me: What the hell? Too much Harry Potter and this is the aftermath of it.
(Glowing-me smirks)
Me: What are you smirking at?
Glowing-me: I am astonished by how naïve you are. You can believe a book which spins stories about people flying on brooms, and carrying sticks around cursing others, splitting your soul into 7 and keeping it in 7 places, you secretly hope that there is a Hogwarts and you will get your letter soon, but you cannot believe in yourself.
Me: (Taking offense) Hey! Who told you that I do not believe in myself?
Glowing-me: Stop trying to be defensive. Who do you think I am? I am you. If you do not believe in me, then you don’t believe in yourself.
Me: Arggh! This is all so confusing. What do you want? Why did you come?
Glowing-me: I came because you called me.
Me: What??? When did I ever call you?This is getting weirder by the passing second. Can you please stop being so annoying and tell me who you are and why you came?
Glowing-me: Since you are too dumb to realize that we both are the same and that you indeed called me, let me explain. I am you and I came to make you realize that you just took the stupidest decision of your life.
Me: That’s outrageous. What decision? How dare you appear out of nowhere and call my decisions stupid?
Glowing-me: Didn’t you just take the stupidest decision of your life that you will curb the hope that arises everyday, to prevent disappointments? Didn’t you just decide to stop believing in a tomorrow? Didn’t you just decide to live in a no-man’s space until things fall into place by themselves?
Me: Huh! Yeah I did, but how can you say that they are stupid? I have my own justifications and reasons.
Glowing-me: You answered this question too, a few minutes back. Didn’t you wonder how all those people believe in a tomorrow and doing their routine? Didn’t you just think how they manage to look forward to another day in spite of a crappy day?
Me: (This is getting scary.. I better be careful in my replies) Yee..aa..h! I did. So what?
Glowing-me: Put things together, you dumb-head! They fit. Hope is the only thing that keeps us alive. Without hope, you are as good as dead. If you so not believe in a tomorrow, why should you live? You can as well jump off this roof and die. Why do you think that old man in that corner of the road still returns to the same spot every day? It is in the hope that someone would be kind enough to give alms to him the next day and he might be able to make a meal out of it. Why do you think that woman over there opens her snack shop every day, leaving her sick child at home? It is in the hope that the next day, business would be better and she would be able to make enough money to buy medicines for her child. Do you think you have the biggest problem of all? Do you think your life sucks the most? If you do, you are the dumbest person ever born. Why do you think you still manage to go through a very draining day and yet manage to cheer up the next day? Because deep down, you have that hope the next day will be better and might bring some good news that you want to hear. And if you decide to curb that hope and stop believing in a tomorrow, then I would say, kill yourself now. There is no place for people without hope in the living world.
Thus Having blasted me, the glowing figure of mine turned around and started walking back towards the center of the radiating circle. I stood as a rock, too shocked even to move. Was she right? Am I being stupid to stop believing just because a few things happened which I didn’t want to and a few things I wanted to happen didn’t happen. I looked up and saw the glowing figure slowly starting to disappear. I called out frantically, “Hey! Are you really me? Is this happening inside my head?” I heard a voice coming out from the receding glow “Only if you want it to be”. I stood there for a very long time. Not moving. The truth dawned on me like a glorious sunrise and I knew. The truth was bitter but I knew that I had been wrong in my decisions. After what seemed like thousands of years, I found my peace with the truth. I decided to believe. I decided to keep the hope burning in me. It felt right. I yelled out into the space “Hey! I am sorry to have been a fool before. I believe now!” I got no answer, but I was pretty sure that I heard a smile within myself.
This post is a result of me trying to find my inner peace. Around the end of 2011, I had become upset even for the smallest of things going wrong. I was continuously restless, thinking if it was even worth living. 2011 had taught a lot to me, but still somehow the things I want to happen more than my life, never seemed to be happening. That had made me feel all lost, depressed, confused and mourning at the year-end. Then again, I found my peace in 2012’s birth. With 2012, the hope I almost killed was re-born. Things have not yet fallen into place, but maybe this year, everything will become fine. Maybe. Maybe not. But that will not stop me from hoping or believing. Without hope, we are nothing. Believe in a tomorrow. Have a blast out of 2012!
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“Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.”
Now, definitely too much Harry Potter! 😛 Right?
Until later 🙂
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